State of the Sabres Address

We’ve seen this before. Right, Sabres fans?

At the rate Buffalo’s players are going down with injuries, they’re going to have to lace some skates on Sabretooth and have him play defense (and this reminds me, the NHL has by far the best set of mascots, even if some of them make no sense. For example, the Islanders’ Sparky the Dragon, Carolina’s Stormy the Ice Hog and Toronto’s Carlton the Bear are all not only funny, but also child friendly).

Once again, the rash of injuries has struck some high-profile Sabres. Most noticeably, is the recent injury to one of the league’s most electrifying players: Maxim Afinogenov. Afinogenov’s broken wrist will sideline him for at least six weeks and he might not see the ice again before the playoffs. Losing one of their top playmakers will definitely hurt Buffalo’s chance at a President’s Cup (awarded to the club with the best regular season record), but shouldn’t affect the team’s ultimate goal of winning a Stanley Cup. After all, Afinogenov managed to score the equalizer goal against the Oilers after he broke his wrist.

Other injured Sabres such as Jaroslav Spacek and Jiri Novotny should also be back for what is hopefully a long playoff run. But the major blow is Paul Gaustad’s sliced tendon that will shelf him for the season. There’s no doubt that the Sabres will miss Gaustad’s punishing style of play and his rapport with linemate and co-Captain Chris Drury. If the Sabres are going to make a trade before the Feb. 27 deadline, they would most likely need to acquire a physical forward to replace Gaustad or a veteran defender to supply leadership and stability to Buffalo’s blueliners.

Of course, they don’t have to necessarily make a trade (especially considering their tight salary cap situation). They dealt with key injuries all of last year and still finished near the top of the standings. The plague of injuries that rifled through Buffalo’s defensive corps did eventually catch up with them though and it opened the door for Carolina to bring the Cup to NASCAR land. I have an idea to stop these injuries: for the next season of 24, Tom Golisano could hire Jack Bauer to protect the Sabres from both injuries and a terrorist cell made up of Zdeno Chara look-a-likes (tell me you wouldn’t tune in for that). While he’s at it, Jack could convince Gary Bettman to introduce hockey cheerleaders into the mix.

Even if Jack Bauer can’t keep Buffalo’s roster healthy, there’s still not reason to panic. If Tim Connolly (who’s currently sporting the Brittany Spears shaved head look) can successfully return from the nasty injuries he suffered against Ottawa last postseason, then Buffalo will have added firepower to shoot down the rest of the league’s major contenders. Plus call-ups like Drew Stafford can help to get the job done.

So what if the Predators traded for Peter Forsberg? That’s not the kind of move the Sabres need to make anyway. If Nashville does happen to topple the Sharks, Wings and the Ducks (formerly known as Mighty) and make it out of Western Conference, they will still be having nightmares of their 7-2 home thrashing at the hands of the Sabres back on Dec. 21.

As for the Eastern Conference competition, I still think the Sabres have the upper edge. They have more depth than the Thrashers, more experience than the Penguins and they have a history of playoff mastery against Ottawa. As for the Devils and their trap style of defense, the way I see it is that their seemingly superhuman goalie Martin Brodeur will be worn out by playoff time.

One more Sabres note, is there a play-by-play man who is more worthy of calling a Cup-clinching game than Rick Jeanneret? Jeanneret, alongside the always-reliable Jim Lorentz, adds an element of excitement to the game that few others can. In fact, if I could have one person narrate my life it would definitely be Jeanneret. I would run around getting into fights just to hear his brilliant play-by-play (“Pukos just threw down his books and…wait… now he’s headed after the girl with the scooter, holy mackerel!”)

Still, the question remains: can these Sabres slug the competition and win it all? We won’t know until June, but either way these guys are still, as Jeanneret would say, “good, scary good.”

From the Feb. 21 2007 (Vol. 6 issue 9) of the Cardinal Courier

Behind Enemy Lines

This column originally was published in Volume 6 - Issue 8 of the February 7, 2007 Cardinal Courier.

This was my attempt to go where no Fisher fan had been before. The plan was to venture into the enemy’s territory and get a new perspective on the Fisher-Naz rivalry. So, on Feb. 2 I attempted to do the unthinkable and go behind enemy lines and sit among the Naz faithful during the men and women’s double-header.

I entered the Nazareth side at around 5:30, getting to the game is always essential especially in order to get a front row seat in the heart of the Golden Flyers cheering section. I sat down in front of a row of Nazareth ladies and removed my coat to reveal my Cardinal red ‘crazies” shirt. The Naz people didn’t seem to notice (or care) about my Fisher alliance at this point, they were more focused on screaming for a member of the women’s team like a group of crazed Teddy Geiger fans.

As more purple clad students filed into the gym, the more awkward I felt sitting amongst the Naz faithful by myself (at this point no one else would join me). This was the point were a particular Naz fan found a seat next to me. After being around this kid for a few minutes I came to the conclusion that he was borderline crazy (not to mention, he said he was kicked out of the last Naz game and later in this game he would end up throwing a bottle down at the scorer’s table).

He said that he was saving his energy for the men’s game as he almost completely ignored the women’s game and just listened to his iPod and drank from an ambiguous red drink (considering he’s a Naz guy it was probably a wine cooler). It also needs to be mentioned that he reeked like a mixture of Aqua Velva and booze.

At halftime of the woman’s game, I decided to go back to the Fisher side. I figured I could find my inner rowdiness with my fellow Crazies as opposed to sitting next to some music major wearing a “friends don’t’ let friends go to Fisher” shirt.
After the Fisher ladies dispatched of Naz, I knew it was once again time to cross over to hostile terrain. This time I brought some backup with me as Sports Editor handball Mike joined me in the crowd of purple and gold.

Entering the Naz section this time was a lot different then earlier. First off, there were a lot more people this time and these people did not appreciate our Cardinal Crazies attire. The insults quickly rained down upon us, the crowd especially didn’t appreciate our “go Fisher” cries.

Of course, their insults were as weak as some of their chants. They taunted us about having a football team that was only D-III and couldn’t quite win a championship. This taunt may have been more affective if Nazareth actually had a football team of their own. Another Naz faithful told me I needed Hooked on Phonics. I didn’t really get why this was supposed to be demeaning. But I guess nothing is more intimidating then: “Hey Fisher student, your basketball team is going to lose and you suck at reading!”

My reason for entering the enemy territory was not to be an instigator (although security gave me a few suspicious glances), but to experience the other side of a great rivalry. With that being said, there was some minimal pushing and shoving. Mostly from one particular Naz fan who sat in the front row. He was dressed in a white polo shirt (surprisingly the collar was not popped) and had a permanent scowl on his face the entire game. Maybe someone just informed him that this was actually a basketball game and not a Zoolander style dance-off between East Ave. rivals (of course, it goes without saying that the Fisher cheerleaders were way better than Naz’s dance team).

When all was said and done, I ended up back where I belonged: in the Fisher student to help cheer on the victors. But this experience helped me think about the nature of rivalries. It's funny how normal people will act to one another simply because they’re rooting for a different team.

I love the rivalry with Naz. I think it’s a healthy competition between the two schools. Hopefully more games like this can help to improve the intensity of the rivalry. It may seem from this column that absolutely despise everything about our sister school, but that’s not true. In fact, I’m heading down the road to make my peace with the Naz ladies as we speak.

Putting the "Super" back into the Bowl

This article was originally published in the Volume 6 - Issue 7 edition of the Cardinal Courier on January 24, 2007 and also appears on the Cardinal Courier website.

As soon as my beloved Buffalo Bills were officially eliminated from playoff contention, I started to root for the New Orleans Saints to win the NFL’s ultimate prize. The main reason I rooted for the Saints wasn’t because of the potential triumph of a city that was ravished by Hurricane Katrina. Sure, I loved the idea of this recent edition of “America’s Team” winning the Vince Lombardi trophy and causing celebrations worthy of Bourbon Street. Of course, the Saints promptly joined the Bills on the list of teams claiming next year to be “their year.”
But the main reason why I wanted to see the Saints win was simply: because they were fun to watch. This fun factor has been sorely lacking in a majority of past Super Bowls, especially last year’s Steelers-Seahawks contest. That game was as fun to watch as those hideous varicose veins commercials. Matter of fact, this will be the 41st Super Bowl and out of the first 40 only a handful of them have even been remotely close.
This year’s Super Bowl has potential to be a great game. How’s this for a match up: Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts’ high-octane offense (an offense that is this decade’s version of the Bills K-Gun in the early 90s) versus a furious, speedy Chicago Bears defense. I like the sound of that, but still the game still could end up a dud like so many other Super Bowls with great potential have.
What we need for this years Super Bowl is something crazy. Dare I say something that can even compare to the Boise State-Oklahoma Fiesta Bowl? That game was ten times as exciting to root for as any of the Super Bowls. Plus it had your classic underdog/good guys team (Boise State) versus the big time program/villains (Oklahoma). And a wedding proposal to the head cheerleader at the end was a bonus side plot that we would never see in the Super Bowl. We don’t even get to hear the game’s MVP proclaim he’s going to Disney World anymore.
The NFL equivalent would be Peyton Manning throwing the winning touchdown pass then proposing to (you're my boy) Blue, the Colts horse inspired mascot or J.P. Losman winning Super Bowl MVP (in 2008) and proclaiming that he’s buying everyone in Buffalo a round of drinks on Chippewa Street. This is the kind of excitement we need. Hopefully Chicago and Indianapolis can deliver.
Of course, the Colts-Patriots AFC Championship game thriller is certainly going to be hard to top too. That game can proudly join the ranks of the Boise State-Oklahoma Fiesta Bowl.
And while I’m on the subject of Colts and Patriots, is it just me or does the recent vintage of these teams have some striking similarities to the 2000-2004 Yankees and Red Sox. With the Patriots playing the role of the Yankees and the Colts taking the Red Sox bridesmaid position. Both the embattled Colts and Sox lost twice in the playoffs to the superior Champions with their clutch stars (Jeter and Brady) before ripping off an improbable comeback to stun the sporting world. Of course, the Colts could blow the entire analogy by losing the Super Bowl; we’ll just have to see.
But that’s for another column anyway.
I guess this just goes to show that the real reason Super Sunday is one of the biggest party days of the year isn’t the game itself. Instead it’s all the hoopla that surrounds the game including the ambush of “trying too hard to be clever” commercials, a 36-hour pre-game show with Joe Buck talking about everything including how footballs are made and why Bill Belichick wears those goofy cut-off hooded sweatshirts. Speaking of which, I declare that we pass a new man law: one that outlaws any guy from wearing that kind of wardrobe in public (Get on this Miller Lite!). Even Prince is stopping by Miami for the halftime show, which will hopefully be an entertaining show and not just the symbol formerly known as good music.
And guess what, I’m fine with all of this, because even if the game isn’t fun itself you can still have fun on that one special Sunday (and no, not just by getting tanked on cheap beer).
So here’s a hoping it’s a good game. Maybe the NFL will even allow Boise State coach Chris Petersen to call the plays. That would certainly help put the “Super” back into the football’s premier bowl game. And if not, you can always change the channel to The Surreal Life marathon on the CW.

Santa Scott presents the Holiday Wishlist

A version of this was originally published on December 6 Volume 6 - Issue 6
With the Holiday season almost here, I decided to address my holiday wish list, and to discuss what some sports figures will be getting for Christmas.
I tried to keep the list realistic (or somewhat realistic). So even though I’d like to see things like the Bills and Sabres winning championships and the Red Sox being relocated to Uzbekistan, I kept them off the list. So, everyone have a merry Christmas, a happy Chanukah, a glorious Kwanzaa, and a rocking Festivus, and enjoy.
-The NFL finally decides to drop the ridiculous “blackout” rule that punishes fans for not buying enough tickets. I love going to the games, but it takes up an entire day. Many people are busy and cannot make that commitment, plus it’s unfair for smaller market teams like Buffalo. For the NFL to punish fans like that makes as much sense as Terrell Owens writing a children’s book about sharing.
-Oh, wait T.O. did write an educational book called Little T Learns to Share. As much as I love the irony of one of the most selfish, egocentric individuals on the planet writing a book about sharing, I hope that no one actually tries to use this to teach some poor kid a lesson (unless that lesson is how to get all your teammates to loathe you). However, I do have a good idea for a sequel, Little T Learns How to Shut Up.
- Michigan – not Florida – faces off against the Buckeyes in the BCS championship game (see last column for details).
-For ESPN, I would give them some alternate programming to replace the spelling bee with. For example, they could have the World Racquetball Championships or something zany like Xtreme Curling (with the stone on fire?), or have Risk, Stratego or Battleship tournaments. Who wouldn’t love that?
-It’s seems like the current punishments for athletes breaking the rules isn’t doing the trick. Just look at Ricky Williams. It doesn’t matter how many times he gets suspended, he’ll always act as if he’s auditioning to be an extra in Half Baked. Instead of any suspensions or fines, guilty players should be sentenced to a number of Zinedine Zidane head-butts.
-This should apply to referees too. They constantly decide the outcome of games and have an annoying tendency of favoring certain teams (cough…New England Patriots, cough… Duke basketball). There should be some sort of repercussions for bad officiating, and I can’t think of a more fitting punishment than having the ref square off against Zidane in a WWF style cage match. It would be better than half of the “reality” shows on TV (I’m looking at you FOX). Some refs, like Ed Hochuli, would put up a good fight too.
For the rest of the wish list, I have a quick list of what’s in Santa’s bag:
-For Fisher sports teams, a few more Empire 8 championships and a sleigh full of wins.
-For Bill Belichick, a bra (or a mansiere if that’s more suitable).
-For the Bills front office, a giant bottle of whiteout to remove O.J. Simpson’s name from the Wall of Fame in Ralph Wilson Stadium.
-For Sabres forward Tim Connolly, a bill of clean health and an elixir to keep him and the rest of the team healthy for the playoffs
-For Brian Moorman, Jason Peters, Nate Clements and possibly Rian Lindell, a deserving trip to Hawaii and the Pro Bowl.
- A scoring title for Carmelo Anthony.
- A muzzle for Michael Irvin and a few other ESPN commentators (booya).
- A pacifier for Sidney Crosby and the entire Carolina Hurricanes team.
- The Whizzinator and a time machine for Shane Merriman and Floyd Landis, so they can go back into time and pass their drug tests.
- A National Championship for the Fisher football team and a new nickname (and defense) for the “beast of the east” Rowan Profs.
- And for all the Riding the Pine readers, an awesome winter break.

A Pistachio National Championship?

A version of this article was orignally published in the Cardinal Courier November 15, Volume 6 - Issue 5

If you look at the College Football schedule it will say that the National Champion will be crowned on Jan. 8 in Glendale, AZ. But, that’s wrong. The National Championship game will be decided on Nov. 18, and the winner of this game better make room in their trophy case because they’ll be adding some hardware.
I’m talking about the Big Ten battle royal between Michigan and Ohio State. This match-up will be bigger and better than the Bowl Championship Game. And I think the winner of this game will be able to survive the seven-week layoff between games and claim the coveted Sears trophy (you know, the cool looking crystal football that’s named after a department store).
Sure, schools like Louisville, Auburn, Florida and a number of others with only one loss have a shot to knock off the winner of the Michigan/Ohio State, but they won’t. And the Championship Game won’t even come close to matching the intensity that these Big Ten foes bring to the table.
For those of you who don’t follow Division I ball, the Michigan/Ohio State rivalry is the equivalent of Fisher vs. Ithaca, with the tradition of a Yankees and Red Sox match-up. Basically, going from Michigan vs. Ohio State to a BCS Game featuring Louisville, is like serving Buttermilk Chicken Ranch sandwiches for lunch and then only having Pistachio ice cream for dessert. No one likes that.
So we know that this will be the best college football game since the Texas/USC title game in January. But who’s going to come out and top – the upstart Wolverines or the favored juggernaut, Ohio State?
Ohio State has been ranked number one all year long and will have the home-field advantage, but Michigan has had a history of dashing the Buckeyes title hopes via an upset. If coach Lloyd Carr and the Wolverines want to pull off the upset then they’ll have to play better than the have in recent years against Ohio State. Buckeyes coach Jim Tressel holds a 4-1 record against his rival from Ann Arbor.
Both teams have plenty of talent and even some Heisman hopefuls. Michigan’s workhorse tailback Mike Hart will look to take some pressure off efficient quarterback Chad Henne and run wild through the Buckeyes defense. A defense that has been dominant despite losing A.J. Hawk, Donte Whitner, Bobby Carpenter and Ashton Youboty to the NFL.
Ohio State is lead by Quarterback and Heisman favorite Troy Smith and the electrifying Ted Ginn Jr. These Buckeyes haven’t run into much trouble this year, but they will have their hands full with Michigan. This will be a bigger test than their early September bout against freshman Colt McCoy and the defending champs Texas.
In the end, I would love to say that the Wolverines are going to win, but I don’t see it happening (especially since their vexing close-call versus Ball State). Ohio State will feed off the energy from their fans and topple the maze and blue, 27-17.
So get excited Buckeye fans, you won’t have to worry about that last game in January because they will have already wrapped up the Sears trophy. And Michigan fans, well, at least you don’t have to eat pistachio ice cream for dessert.

(If you go to St. John Fisher College you will get the pistachio analogy...I hope)

The 2006 Riding the Pine All-Stars: A Tribute to Benchwarmers (and not that crappy movie called benchwarmers)

A version of this article was originally published on November 1, 2006 in the Cardinal Courier Volume 6 - Issue 4.

Today is a great day for anyone who has ever been stuck on the bench for an entire game, wallowing in the stench of sweat and hopelessly taking shots of Gatorade. That’s because today I’m going to present you with the Riding the Pine all-stars: A Tribute to Benchwarmers.
First we start with the captain of the team: Mike Lodish. The former nose tackle of the Buffalo Bills and Denver Broncos never got a lot of recognition and I’m sure he spent a lot of time hanging out with the Jills on the sidelines during game day. But, he is the only player in NFL history to play in 6 different Super Bowls (4 with Buffalo, 2 with Denver). I’d like to see Tom Brady try to top that feat.
Our next all-star is also a former World Champion. I’m talking about the celebrated former big man for the Los Angeles Lakers during their 2000-2002 championship run: Mark “Mad Dog” Madsen. “Mad Dog” (now with Minnesota) just barely beat out former Will Perdue for this spot. To find out why, look no further than YouTube. Just search Madsen’s name and you can witness him perfecting what I like to call the ‘Mad Dog Shuffle” during the Lakers Victory parade. And this comes with the added bonus of freestyle rap courtesy of Shaq.
My all-star squad still needs an owner too, someone to provide some financial support. That’s not too hard to find though, athletes aren’t the only guys who are benchwarmers. There’s also the people who ride the pine of life, and that’s why Al Gore is my team’s owner. Gore waited on the sidelines for 8 years behind Bill Clinton for a chance to become the starter, but when Gore’s chance came up he got Bushed over by George W. and the electoral college.
Every team needs some box office appeal too, which is why LeBron James is on my team. True, James isn’t your typical benchwarmer, but he showed off his exceptional sitting skills right here in Rochester a few weeks ago. James’ Cavaliers were at the Blue Cross Arena for an exhibition game, James only left the bench to stand up and taunt the crowd by pretending he was coming into the game. That shows dedication to the Riding the Pine all-stars, and a true class act. Proud to have you aboard, LeBron.
As for the coach, that’s an easy pick. Any high school coach who keeps their starters in with a minute left in a blowout welcome to the all-stars (and a probable beating in the locker room).
Rounding out the roster: pinch hitter Manny Mota, comeback extraordinaire Frank Reich, Homer Simpson (from the Springfield Power Plant softball team), and former goalie turned G.M. Garth Snow.

The A-Rod Quagmire

Originally Published on October 18, 2006 in the Cardinal Courier Volume 6 - Issue 3

George Steinbrenner can’t be happy.
How could this happen to the Yankees again, did someone promote George Costanza to G.M.?
The ALDS loss to the Tigers was a complete team failure. But, the burden of this loss is going to fall squarely on the person Sports Illustrated recently dubbed “The Lonely Yankee”, Alex Rodriguez.
Dating back to last year’s ALDS against the Angels, A-Rod hasn’t been able to live up to his MVP standards. His numbers this year would be a career year for most Major Leaguers (.290 BA, 35 HR, 121 RBI), but he struggled with 24 errors at third base and has been useless the last two playoff series.
As a result of this, A-Rod has become a $252 million scapegoat. He deserves some criticism, but the media has been bashing him like a piñata, and it’s ready to burst. So, the only remedy for both sides is to trade A-Rod, right?
I may be in the minority here, but I say no.
There’s no doubt that New York has to make some changes but trading A-Rod makes as much sense as firing Joe Torre (which unfortunately might happen).
First of all, there is no way the Yankees can get even close to equal value for A-Rod. I would want any combination of productive pitching arms, an adequate third base replacement and talented prospects. It’s unlikely that a team would give up that much for a player who is considered to be damaged goods.
And there won’t be many suitors that can absorb A-Rod’s massive contract. One of the Los Angeles teams might be a good fit but they wont give up any top players for A-Rod. Trading him to an A.L. team would just help to bolster one of their enemies. Either way, the Yankees would probably end up paying for a large portion of his salary while getting little in return.
Who’s to say that A-Rod’s replacement will be any more clutch? Remember 2B Alfonso Soriano, the man that was dealt to acquire A-Rod in the first place? Soriano was a strikeout machine in the 2003 playoffs and he was bounced around the line-up in a similar way that A-Rod has been.
There are many other Yankees who I would get rid of before A-Rod, including nearly all of their recent free-agent busts. This includes the dynamic duo of Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright. I would also part ways with an aging Gary Sheffield before A-Rod.
And if A-Rod can turn it around and play to his potential, the fans in New York will quickly turn those boos back into cheers (just like they did for Jason Giambi in 2005). It will also fix exaggerated claims of bad team chemistry.
This is by no means is an excuse for A-Rod’s prolonged slump. He has frustrated myself along with a legion of Yankees fans. I don’t know how to help him to play like a Yankee legend; maybe he can grow a Don Mattingly mustache or douse himself in Derek Jeter cologne.
Either way, the Yankees made their commitment with A-Rod when they traded for him and they have to stick with that decision. For better, or for worse.