A version of this article was originally published on November 1, 2006 in the Cardinal Courier Volume 6 - Issue 4.
Today is a great day for anyone who has ever been stuck on the bench for an entire game, wallowing in the stench of sweat and hopelessly taking shots of Gatorade. That’s because today I’m going to present you with the Riding the Pine all-stars: A Tribute to Benchwarmers.
First we start with the captain of the team: Mike Lodish. The former nose tackle of the Buffalo Bills and Denver Broncos never got a lot of recognition and I’m sure he spent a lot of time hanging out with the Jills on the sidelines during game day. But, he is the only player in NFL history to play in 6 different Super Bowls (4 with Buffalo, 2 with Denver). I’d like to see Tom Brady try to top that feat.
Our next all-star is also a former World Champion. I’m talking about the celebrated former big man for the Los Angeles Lakers during their 2000-2002 championship run: Mark “Mad Dog” Madsen. “Mad Dog” (now with Minnesota) just barely beat out former Will Perdue for this spot. To find out why, look no further than YouTube. Just search Madsen’s name and you can witness him perfecting what I like to call the ‘Mad Dog Shuffle” during the Lakers Victory parade. And this comes with the added bonus of freestyle rap courtesy of Shaq.
My all-star squad still needs an owner too, someone to provide some financial support. That’s not too hard to find though, athletes aren’t the only guys who are benchwarmers. There’s also the people who ride the pine of life, and that’s why Al Gore is my team’s owner. Gore waited on the sidelines for 8 years behind Bill Clinton for a chance to become the starter, but when Gore’s chance came up he got Bushed over by George W. and the electoral college.
Every team needs some box office appeal too, which is why LeBron James is on my team. True, James isn’t your typical benchwarmer, but he showed off his exceptional sitting skills right here in Rochester a few weeks ago. James’ Cavaliers were at the Blue Cross Arena for an exhibition game, James only left the bench to stand up and taunt the crowd by pretending he was coming into the game. That shows dedication to the Riding the Pine all-stars, and a true class act. Proud to have you aboard, LeBron.
As for the coach, that’s an easy pick. Any high school coach who keeps their starters in with a minute left in a blowout welcome to the all-stars (and a probable beating in the locker room).
Rounding out the roster: pinch hitter Manny Mota, comeback extraordinaire Frank Reich, Homer Simpson (from the Springfield Power Plant softball team), and former goalie turned G.M. Garth Snow.
First we start with the captain of the team: Mike Lodish. The former nose tackle of the Buffalo Bills and Denver Broncos never got a lot of recognition and I’m sure he spent a lot of time hanging out with the Jills on the sidelines during game day. But, he is the only player in NFL history to play in 6 different Super Bowls (4 with Buffalo, 2 with Denver). I’d like to see Tom Brady try to top that feat.
Our next all-star is also a former World Champion. I’m talking about the celebrated former big man for the Los Angeles Lakers during their 2000-2002 championship run: Mark “Mad Dog” Madsen. “Mad Dog” (now with Minnesota) just barely beat out former Will Perdue for this spot. To find out why, look no further than YouTube. Just search Madsen’s name and you can witness him perfecting what I like to call the ‘Mad Dog Shuffle” during the Lakers Victory parade. And this comes with the added bonus of freestyle rap courtesy of Shaq.
My all-star squad still needs an owner too, someone to provide some financial support. That’s not too hard to find though, athletes aren’t the only guys who are benchwarmers. There’s also the people who ride the pine of life, and that’s why Al Gore is my team’s owner. Gore waited on the sidelines for 8 years behind Bill Clinton for a chance to become the starter, but when Gore’s chance came up he got Bushed over by George W. and the electoral college.
Every team needs some box office appeal too, which is why LeBron James is on my team. True, James isn’t your typical benchwarmer, but he showed off his exceptional sitting skills right here in Rochester a few weeks ago. James’ Cavaliers were at the Blue Cross Arena for an exhibition game, James only left the bench to stand up and taunt the crowd by pretending he was coming into the game. That shows dedication to the Riding the Pine all-stars, and a true class act. Proud to have you aboard, LeBron.
As for the coach, that’s an easy pick. Any high school coach who keeps their starters in with a minute left in a blowout welcome to the all-stars (and a probable beating in the locker room).
Rounding out the roster: pinch hitter Manny Mota, comeback extraordinaire Frank Reich, Homer Simpson (from the Springfield Power Plant softball team), and former goalie turned G.M. Garth Snow.
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