Damn you Hank Steinbrenner: or How I learned to Stop Worrying and face the fact that Boston sports fans are luckier than me

More and more each day, Boston is taking over the (sports) world. And I don't like it one bit, in fact something has to give soon, right karma?

Sure, the Red Sox tortured diehard fans before... well, before they became the Yankees version 2.0. But those fans still watched the Celtics and Bruins combine for a million championships. Now they have a superteam (the Patriots) that not only are better than every other team also have the fortune of being the referee's favorite team. They got Kevin Garnet for practically nothing, got Randy Moss for basically a backup specialteamer and a case of Samuel Adams, and now they might get Johna Santana.

This cannot happen.

I understand that the Yankees rationale that they would rather keep their coveted prospects than ship them away to Minnesota for Santana. I certainly agree with that plan too, I hated seeing the Yankees throw cash to guys like Carl Pavano and Kei Igawa. But the fact that Hank Steinbrenner is apparently running the show now makes me nervous. Very Nervous.

What makes me even more nervous though is thought of Boston having a rotation that features Santana, Beckett, Schilling, and whatever stud pitching prospect they don't trade to the Twins (Clay Buchholz most likely). The Yankees would never beat this team, it would be like some sort of baseball Bizarro World where the Sox dominate and the Yankees become the punching bag between the two rivals. Rod Serling couldn't even come up with a plot as twisted as that.

So why on Earth is Hank the Tank saying that time has run out on the Santana time table and practically conceding that the Sox can have him (for a cheaper price too, now that the main competition is gone). Will he be happy when Coco Crisp (that's Coco "the worst hitter in baseball, with the stupidest name in baseball" Crisp, to you) is the centerpiece in a trade that brings the best pitcher in the world to Fenway.

I understand the timetable was to ensure that the Bombers could go after other star pitchers like Erik Bedard or Dan Harren (who are cheaper, and could turn out to be better moves in the long haul). But Santana is still young, can still be dominant (despite the fact that he let down my fantasy team last year), and would look a lot better in pinstripes then in red stirrups. Plus he brings that intimidation factor to the mound, he's a true ace that the Yanks need to matchup against Beckett. Plus, look how good the AL is now. Cleveland isn't going away anytime soon, Detroit pulled the closest to Boston with the mega trade that brought Willis and Cabrera to Motown,and the Angels always dominate New York and appear to be players on the trade market as well.

The Yankees need better pitching to compete with these powers. Phil Hughes might be great, but I can't picture him being better than Santana. Plus you can't be afraid to give up star prospects to get proven quality. My favorite recent example of this involves the Red Sox and the best farm system in the Majors, the Florida Marlins. Boston traded away All-star (and future NL MVP candidate)Hanley Ramirez to the fish. Now I'm sure they wish they still had this star at SS especially considering the rotation they've had at the position over the past few years. However, in that deal they got Beckett in return, plus the Marlins refused to make the deal unless Boston also took their aging 3rd basemen; Mike Lowell. That deal worked up pretty well for them, and who knows, the Marlins will probably trade Ramirez back to the Sox in a few years when he wants a new contact (God forbid the Marlins team payroll passes the vaunted 5 million dollar mark).

In conclusion, trade some prospects, get a star pitcher, beat Red Sox, win World Series. C'mon Hank, that shouldn't be too much to ask of you. Who knows, Santana and Joba Chamberlain could even team up together and fight crime in the streets of New York during their spare time...

- Another point I wanted to make about the luck of the Irish (in this case Boston fans) is being able to watch a team that can't lose. And I'm not talking about the New England Revolution, who were toppled by the mighty Houston Dynamo in the MLS finale.

The Patriots were outplayed by the lowly Ravens on Monday night. Willis McGahee looked like an unstoppable force and the crowd was beyond pumped to watch their team hand a "L" to the Patriots record. (This is how I thought the Bills would have played a few weeks ago, but I guess JP Losman is no AJ Feeley or Kyle Boller).

Anyway, it's apparent that someone out there really does not want the Pats to lose. Ever. For the second straight week they had a crucial touchdown, that by league rules shouldn't have been and for about the tenth straight year the refs turned around a sure Patriots loss with their ill-timed bizarre calls that destroy the Patriots opponent.

The Patriots are the best team in the league, but they way the refs continue to favor them is laughable. The smugness of that team just makes it worse. They need to suffer a heartbreaking, devastating, borderline unfair loss in the playoffs. It's the only way to set things right, to shut up arrogant non-deserving, bandwagon fans and to assure everyone that evil doesn't always win.

- Speaking of evil and classless ways, I've heard some people roast the Bills for running a play during the Sean Taylor Memorial 10-man defense play. This is ABSURD, almost as stupid as the Redskins only putting 10 people on the field for that play.

Dick Jauron and the Bills are easily one of the classiest teams in the league. In fact, sometimes they're too classy, which is why bullies can embarrass them on national TV. But why should he let a struggle offense in the middle of a Wild Card race forfeit a play to honor Taylor. I don't think that's what a player known for loving the game and playing hard no matter what (Remember when he leveled the Bills best player punter Brian Moorman in the Pro Bowl) would have wanted.

And the Redskins could have easily stopped the play,they had Fred Jackson in trouble but he burned the defenders to the outside and galloped 22 yards for a well-deserved run. The Skins had a safety deep on that play, but I still would have thrown in maybe even in flea-flicker fashion. I don't think that would disrespect the Taylor (certainly not more then Skins fans cheering during the moment of silence) and it could spark the stagnant Bills offense to make a few other plays too.

Of course, the way this game was going a TD bomb would probably have been called back due to an illegal catch, or a phantom call, since this game was eerily reminiscent of the infamous "Tedy Bruschi game" where the Bills outplayed the Pats but lost because it was determined before the game that the previously stroked out Bruschi would be Defensive Player of the Week, and therefore the Patriots must win the game. They did in questionable fashion (again) and Bruschi did indeed win Defensive Player of the week honors despite an embarrassing night on the field where ESPN had to make a new stat (number of hits) to make Bruschi look good.

It would have been a great story to see the Redskins win to honor their teammate and friend Taylor, so they got the benefit of the doubt all day. But then something happened that gave me hope that all is not lost in the sports world. The Bills overcame all this and another dreadful offensive performance and actually came out on the right side of one of these heartbreakers.

One can only hope that this means that Trent Edwards is the Bills answer to Brady, Romo all the other late round picks that become legendary, and eventually Edwards may even be able to vanquish the evil forces coming from the New England region.

Either that, or the Yankees could just trade for Santana and he can knock out Tom Brady with a fastball to the head. Hopeful thinking? Of course, but for us non-Boston sports fan that's all we have now. Hope.

Late Birthday Wishes

As you may have noticed from the update in my profile, my birthday was Thursday July 19th (gifts can be mailed to my home in Leicester). As I blew out the candles on my cookie cake (a very underrated cake by the way, I made several wishes. Here they are in no particular order:

A championship from one of my favorite teams (Bills, Sabres or Yankees). This one may seem overly obvious and the same exact wish of the entire male population. Nonetheless, I deserve to celebrate a champion. And as much as I love the Yankees, I think I would like to see one of the Buffalo teams break the Championship seal, it's not like the Yanks are exactly setting the baseball world on fire right now anyway, but if Shelley Duncan can continue to bash balls for the bombers... (and I don't mean bash balls in that way, ok Mr. Hardaway?)

So what are the Bills and/or Sabres chances? Well, we're a ways from either season starting, but as of now, I still think the Sabres have the better chance. Barring some key injuries (which I'm certainly not ruling out) the Sabres seem like a definite playoff team, and from there anything can happen.

On the other side of Western New York, the Bills have a young, promising roster. I trust the personnel on this team and I think J.P. Losman will lead Buffalo back to the playoffs. However, it's hard to tell what will happen. I hope it's the Bills year to finally become "that team" that takes he league by surprise with an unexpected run at the Lombardi Trophy, but I cannot say with full confidence that this will happen. As of right now, I'm thinking a 9-7 season and getting edged out of the playoffs on yet another dubious referee decision

Speaking of refs, wish number two: Certain refs change their ways, and stop screwing over the same teams!

It seems useless and cliched to blame refs, and if your team is winning then you won't notice the flaws as much as the losing side (for examples of this turn to page 136 in the Riding the Pine Sporting Dictionary and search the section labeled New England Patriot fans).

Still, a part of me can't help but wonder if some things may not be as they seem. Especially after the Tim Donaghy NBA scandal. Let's just hope this isn't happening in other sports. Because more scandals like this won't just be blackeye to the NBA (or any other league for that matter), it'll be a blinding blow.

My next wish is that all the news stories containing what I like to call "the usual suspects" cease to exist. This includes anything about people like Pacman Jones, Tank Johnson, TO, Barry Bonds, Ron Artest and the new Keyser Soze of the group: Michael Vick.

I'm sick of these people, and I know you are too. The one good thing is that I may have found a way to circumvent all the hoopla around the usual suspects. I've trained my brain so that any time I hear their names coming from my TV, I immediately break out into a non-life threatening seizure. This method isn't perfect, but it's better than the alternative. As a bonus, I can train other people this skill as well, and maybe even learn to detonate the seizures at the sound of Stephen A. Smith's voice as well.

Well, my birthday thread has turned more negative than I would have like, so this will be my last wish, and I'm about 99% sure it will come to fruition. I wish that the Harry Potter series comes to a satisfying conclusion that is equally as magnificent as the rest of the series. I'm cheating on this a little too, because I'm already 500 pages into the final installment and I can say that it has been excellent (tough to even out down just so I can write this).

And if only I had some magic in me too, the rest of my wishes would come true too...

USA, USA, USA!

Just a few quick notes following the Fourth of July:

First off, I can't believe this day has come. The day where Kobayashi failed to win the Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest. But it's certainly about time that an American claimed the title, and he all should be proud of the fact that Joey Chestnut downed 66 dogs in the 12-minute span of the contest.

This contest has a perfect recipe of competitiveness, comedy, grossness and American tradition. In fact, I'm just waiting for this event to be the stage for the next Dodgeball type movie about underdogs. The only question is who would play the part of Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, and who would be Kobayashi? I'm thinking Paul Reubens as Chestnut and Jet Li as Kobayashi. Directed by Ben Stiller. This could follow in the tradition of entertaining/great 4th of July movies like Independence Day and Transformers.


Speaking of Independence Day traditions, we are now well into the 2007 MLB season. Of course, the Yankees season has been a disappointment. They've gotten great play from A-Rod (MVP type year), Jeter, Posada and the occasional gem by a pitcher like Wang. But with such a weak bullpen and inconsistent pitching all around. I'm starting to doubt the Yanks ability to claim the AL Wildcard.

To make matters worse, my fantasy baseball team is struggling even worse than the Steinbrenner's crew. I have some solid pitching in Santana, Verlander, Wang and Oswalt. But injuries (B.J. Ryan) and disappointments have flooded my roster (what was I thinking drafting someone as loony as Manny Ramirez? And taking Santana over A-Rod is proving to be fatal). I cut loose some dead weight (Jermaine Dye, Delmon Young, Richie Sexson) so hopefully I can at least avoid the embarrassment of a last place finish.

And on a final note, I'm happy to find out that as of today Thomas Vanek will be a Sabre for a long time. Buffalo just recently announced that they have matched the Edmonton Oilers offer sheet, meaning that their top goal scorer will remain a Sabre and help to bring a shred of optimism to this dreadful NHL offseason. And of course this means another U.S. victory over Canada.

USA, USA, USA! Now, excuse me, I have some hot dogs to eat and fire works to set off Not really, but you still gotta love this patriotic holiday(that is, unless you're the guy who has to clean up after the Hot Dog eating contest).

The Return

My days of writing for the Cardinal Courier are over, but that doesn't mean the end of riding the pine. The Summer editions will start up soon, and they'll have a different feel from my past columns.

This includes the addition of more non-sports related topics to riff on, namely reviews of different books(Chuck Palahniuk's new one is a good read and of course the Harry Potter finale), movies (Knocked Up is already in the upper echelon of great comedies) and music (new discs from the White Stripes, Arctic Monkeys and Wilco in a matter of months is a great thing). I may even include my post graduation synopsis entitled, "Have A Good Life."

As for the sports side, there's still plenty to cover including summer baseball and a watch on all my favorite squads (Yanks, Bills and of course the pivotal off-season for the Sabres).

In conclusion, there's plenty of room left on the bench, and die hard benchwarmers (aka the Riding the Pine fan club) may even be rewarded with the long awaited announcement of this column's official mascot...

(cut to black)

The A-Rod Quagmire

Originally Published on October 18, 2006 in the Cardinal Courier Volume 6 - Issue 3

George Steinbrenner can’t be happy.
How could this happen to the Yankees again, did someone promote George Costanza to G.M.?
The ALDS loss to the Tigers was a complete team failure. But, the burden of this loss is going to fall squarely on the person Sports Illustrated recently dubbed “The Lonely Yankee”, Alex Rodriguez.
Dating back to last year’s ALDS against the Angels, A-Rod hasn’t been able to live up to his MVP standards. His numbers this year would be a career year for most Major Leaguers (.290 BA, 35 HR, 121 RBI), but he struggled with 24 errors at third base and has been useless the last two playoff series.
As a result of this, A-Rod has become a $252 million scapegoat. He deserves some criticism, but the media has been bashing him like a piñata, and it’s ready to burst. So, the only remedy for both sides is to trade A-Rod, right?
I may be in the minority here, but I say no.
There’s no doubt that New York has to make some changes but trading A-Rod makes as much sense as firing Joe Torre (which unfortunately might happen).
First of all, there is no way the Yankees can get even close to equal value for A-Rod. I would want any combination of productive pitching arms, an adequate third base replacement and talented prospects. It’s unlikely that a team would give up that much for a player who is considered to be damaged goods.
And there won’t be many suitors that can absorb A-Rod’s massive contract. One of the Los Angeles teams might be a good fit but they wont give up any top players for A-Rod. Trading him to an A.L. team would just help to bolster one of their enemies. Either way, the Yankees would probably end up paying for a large portion of his salary while getting little in return.
Who’s to say that A-Rod’s replacement will be any more clutch? Remember 2B Alfonso Soriano, the man that was dealt to acquire A-Rod in the first place? Soriano was a strikeout machine in the 2003 playoffs and he was bounced around the line-up in a similar way that A-Rod has been.
There are many other Yankees who I would get rid of before A-Rod, including nearly all of their recent free-agent busts. This includes the dynamic duo of Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright. I would also part ways with an aging Gary Sheffield before A-Rod.
And if A-Rod can turn it around and play to his potential, the fans in New York will quickly turn those boos back into cheers (just like they did for Jason Giambi in 2005). It will also fix exaggerated claims of bad team chemistry.
This is by no means is an excuse for A-Rod’s prolonged slump. He has frustrated myself along with a legion of Yankees fans. I don’t know how to help him to play like a Yankee legend; maybe he can grow a Don Mattingly mustache or douse himself in Derek Jeter cologne.
Either way, the Yankees made their commitment with A-Rod when they traded for him and they have to stick with that decision. For better, or for worse.