Le Voyage de Rochester Rhinos

One of the few sports that I played and didn't, well, ride the pine in, was soccer. It wasn't about winning because our team almost never did, but it certainly was fun. I was decent at it too and learned about the sport, I love following the World Cup and related soccer events. So, naturally I'm a Rochester Rhinos fan.

For the first time since the Rhinos Frontier Field days, I went to a game on Friday, July 11. A lot has changed with the team since them, for one they went from a dominating, future MLS squad to a team that now has virtually no chance at the MLS.

They still have plenty loyal fans, I found this out on Friday. And if I lived close enough I would certainly love to pick up some season tickets. The fans have to be pretty loyal to accept the logo change. Now, I've accepted the fact that in today's sporting society, any team's logo/jersey modifications will suck. Teams continue their weird psychological experiment with fans to see how far they can push the limits of the fans' fashion (see: Buffalo Sabres slug logo).

We're only a few years away from the revealing of the Cleveland Browns new image: a football defiantly sticking out of a pile of shit. And what about the new Oklahoma City basketball team, what will their new fans be rooting for? A homage to their theft from Seattle? The Decafs? Or something more practical perhaps, will we finally have a pro team that goes by the badass nickname: The Unicorns. Like my floor hockey, the Unicorns of Death, the Oklahoma City Rabid Unicorns could have a logo with a snarling, horned beast, complete with razor teeth, slanted eye-brows and the clincher: a blood soaked horn. Now, that would be cool. Of course, they'll go with something dull. Can't wait to watch Kevin Durant and the "Team formerly known as the Sonic."

Anyway, back to the point of the Rhinos new insignia. Nothing was wrong with the old crazed Rhino puncturing a soccer ball look. But they dropped the "Raging" from the Rochester Raging Rhinos and replaced it with a logo that looks like something out of the Babar the Elephant children's series. "Look it's Babar's friend Rabab the Rhino."



Paetec Park is a solid soccer venue though. It was a lot better than the last time I was there (when the press box was still an unfinished wood area with power tools laying around). I had great seats towards the front of the upper deck and at midfield with some knowledgeable and friendly Rhino Rowdies (actually, these weren't exactly the rowdy bunch, but still diehards in their devotion). The concessions served tasty local beers from Rorbach's and I even scored a free white Rhinos shirt (which despite the presence of the new logo is still a sweet shirt).

Needless to say, it was a great atmosphere. Of course, there's no denying that Paetec Park isn't located in the best spot of the city. There's plenty of security around the stadium, but veer off in the wrong direction (like we did) and you end up some shady parts of the city, almost (and this might be exaggerating a little) like the Rochester version of The Wire. I even think I saw a glassy eyed Bubbles duplicate at Tops.

After experiencing the entertaining game (which had the Rhinos beating the Seattle Sounders 1-0, by the way), all these complaints became an afterthought. Honestly, I didn't know much about this current incarnation of the Rhinos. I knew that they were in last place in their division (they aren't anymore), were turning things around but still needed a few pieces (where's Doug Miller when you need him?). The trade for Andrew Gregor will certainly help, and he got a warm ovation from the crowd. But my favorite Rhino (and certainly a crowd favorite) quickly came to be the dynamic Johnny Menyongar.

At 5'5", number 10 is a small, but fearless. And he's a dart on the field, a constant offensive threat and a magician with the ball. One time he took what appeared to be one too many dribbles as he ran into an entrapping double team. He did a nifty spin-o-rama and some how snuck himself and the ball past the defenders and streaked towards the goalie. Soccer at it's best for sure.

One of my other favorite moments of the game came during a corner kick. For most of the night the Rhinos had all the corner kicks. They all turned out the same: the White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army" would blare on the speakers, the ball would go in the air, a Sounders player would win position and clear it. A somewhat frustrating recurrence. But during a Sounders cornerkick in the open end of the stadium something exciting happened. Now, this must happen often because the people in our section were telling us to "watch this" as a cascade of streamers rained down over the Seattle player and on to the field. And it was A LOT of streamers too. To the delight of the crowd, some got stuck on the players cleat as he tried to run back up the field. I was stunned that this was allowed, but it was still good stuff (and possibly a prelude to allowing fans to hurtle disposable cameras at Bill Belichick on the sidelines?).

That corner kick came at the end of the game. After the Rhinos had dominated position most of the game and were a questionable offsides away from a 2-0 lead. At this point, the Rhinos either tired or let up because the Sounders roared back and almost ruined the night with a stoppage time goal. There only other serious chance of the night came earlier when a defensive lapse led to a point-blank shot from around the penalty box area which I thought for sure would be the equalizer. Luckily, keeper Scott Vallow made a clutch save that was easily the stop of the game.

My only other complaint has to do with the PA nonsense. I can tell you how irritating it is when I'm watching action on the one end of the field and the PA announcer comes on and booms, "please direct you attention to the scoreboard (away from the action) and check out the kiss cam." No one cares about the kiss cam, or some jackass lingering on a couple trying to, you know watch the game, and keep prodding them to kiss. This happened other times with birthday messages or telling the fans to watch the Rhinestones dance team (who I did enjoy by the way) on the other end of the field. And people wonder why soccer gets a bad reputation in the U.S., it's because of stuff like this. It's an exhilarating sport to watch live (even in 1-0 games), fans don't need to be treated like ADD riddled idiots who can't follow the action and need to be stimulated with artificial chants and worn-out novelties like the kiss cam. The Sounders almost scored when the Rhinestones shot balled up T-shirts into the crowd, most people didn't notice because the soccer game apparently came second to the wadded up ammunition shot from a shirt bazooka.

I like to think we're better than that, and some in the organization must agree. The post game, "meet the Rhinos" event is a great coup for the fans and a nice PR move for the transitioning soccer club. Now, if you excuse me, I need to go iron out free bazooka shirt.

Go Rhinos!

My Chicago Bulls history, the NFL, and Sydney Crosby's "playoff beard"

Let me start by talking about something that Riding the Pine has rarely talked about: the NBA. Back in the 90s, I was a huge fan of NBA basketball. I liked it as much as I enjoyed watching the Bills, Sabres and Yankees. My team was the Bulls (da Bulls). Now, I've always been one to bash the bandwagon fans - fans who are only fans because "their" team won a championship(s) or becomes a dynasty.

I'll admit it certainly seems that I was guilty of hoping on the Michael Jordan bandwagon and then hoped off as soon as he left the Bulls for good and the team struggled to win 20 games a year. But allow me to defend myself on this one. (Because I never want to be grouped into the same category as people that started loving the Red Sox in 2004 or those "die-hard" Patriot fans who feel that they are directly responsible for the Pats dynasty. And we know that only way that would be true is if they had excellent video recording skills.)

Anyway, I started rooting for the Bulls the same time I started rooting for the Bills, Sabres and Yankees. It was around second or third grade maybe, I'm not really sure, but I was young and started to get interested in sports. The Bills and Sabres were logical choices because they were the locals teams and virtually everyone I knew loved them, and that passion rubbed off on me. The Yankees were still a New York state team and they were the team I knew most about, I became a huge Don Mattingly fan and in the process I became a Bronx Bomber fan (my hatred for the Red Sox would develop later down the road).

When I started rooting for the Yankees that hadn't won a title since the '70s and I couldn't tell you how many World Series they had won. The Bills reached plenty of Super Bowls early in my sports career, but still young Scott had not experienced rooting for a champion. That is until the Chicago Bulls came along.

Michael Jordan was one of the first players I knew about, and he was so fun to watch that i couldn't help but slowly develop into a Bulls fans. Also was the fact that their other great player shared the same first name with me (hey look I'm just like Scottie Pippen I would shout in the driveway while air-balling a 3) and there was no local teams (hello Buffalo Braves, Rochester Royals, anyone home?).

The Bulls three-peating in 91,92 and 93. I was very young during their first title against the Lakers, I watched them alot the following year but I don't remember a lot about their Finals matchup against the Blazers that year. I do remember their early macthups against the Knicks (although I couldn't tell you what years they faced off against each other in) and I remember shooting hoops in the driveway (yeah, I did that a lot as a kid) and humming that awesome NBA on NBC music while attempting reverse lay-ups and MJ tongue-out fade-aways (and of course a few cries of Marv Albert's "Yes!" were sprinkled in there as well). The first finals that I really got into was the spectacular Bulls-Suns matchup in '93. The Bulls eventually three-peated (and yes I duplicated John Paxon's winning shot in my driveway)and it was great to be a Bulls fans.

I'll speed this up a bit: Jordan then retired to play baseball. Secret suspension or not, I was not happy with this. He came back in March a few years later, but lost to the Magic in the playoffs. The Bulls then won three more titles - I enjoyed them all like native son of Chicago might. But when Jordan retired and Phil Jackson was replaced by Tim Floyd and the Bulls started sucking, my love for the game took a hit. The NBA overall just wasn't as fun as those days in the mid-90s, a time I like to call "The NBA Jam era."

During those days the Yankees were winning nearly every World Series, the Bills were still making the playoffs and the Sabres had the best player in hockey (The Dominator) and went to the Cup in 1999 (I couldn't tell you what happened after Game 1 because I had that erased from my memory Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind style.)

The NBA just wasn't as much fun, I eventually evolved to watching and rooting for certain players. (I was, and still am, a big Iverson fan. I had a huge interest in the Sixers-Lakers finals, but again after Game 1 everything went downhill.) The product was losing it's luster, and unlike in the NHL where the incompetent Gary Bettman and crew nearly destroyed the league I had a team that I still loved to root for. I couldn't say the same for the Bulls.

Now I don't watch the NBA much at all, still root for players and good stories (like Chris Paul and the New Orleans Hornets, or SU alum Carmelo Anthony). I also like watching college ball and a player that really became easy to root for was Derrick Rose. I even picked Memphis in my bracket because of the super freshman. I was hoping he would land with an entertaining team like with Kevin Durant with the Sonics. So imagine my surprise when I found out the Bulls had miraculously won the Draft Lotto and had a chance to add a great player in either Rose or Michael Beasley. I never really watched Beasley play so I don't know too much about him, I know he'll probably lead all rookies in scoring and he'll be the front runner to win the Rookie of the Year. But, I desperately want the Bulls to select Rose - My Bulls fanclub membership could depend on it.

Point guard has always been my favorite position. A good point guard can make every one around him better and instantly improve a team. Rose is an electrifying and rare talent and he could be the first step to making the Bulls relevant again. They have some good young players in place, but are victims of poor drafting and dumb personal moves. They won a playoff series last year and challenged the Pistons in the second round, and then bombed this year. Rose could, and I think probably will, become a player like Paul or Deron Williams that can be a leader for a youthful team and a superstar that will pack the seats. Beasley has the superstar quality, but Rose will ultimately make the team better. It's simple really, Beasley will score more points and Rose will win more games, the choice is up to Chicago and hopefully they'll give me a reason to welcome the Bulls back into my alliance with the Bills, Sabres and Yankees.


Quick NFL note because I haven't commented on the Draft yet.
- Really liked the selections of McKelvin and Hardy, both were exactly what the Bills needed and both can be playmakers and have Pro Bowl ability.
- I can see the Bills winning 9 games hopefully, although I think it might take at least 10 in the loaded AFC. I love the young, talented nucleus of the team but it all depends on Trent Edwards. We better hope he can be efficient "all he does is win games" type of QBs, otherwise the Bills won't be seeing the playoffs for a while.
- Despite what some people (mainly from ESPN) think, the Bills are still better than the Jets and Dolphins. Mangini is supremely overrated, I'd rather have Jauron as a coach and I think Jauron is an average at best, overly conservative coach. The Jets went crazy in free agency, but it seems like they just spent a ton of money on players who just aren't that good. But at least they have Kellen Clemons...
As for the Dolphins, they'll improve on their one win season, but I can't see them winning more than five or (if they're really lucky) six games. They'll be healthier, but so will Buffalo. And all this hype about Parcells? I'm not too worried, he'll never lead Miami to Super Bowl and I doubt they'll make the playoffs before he leaves.
- Last NFL note, I can no longer watch NFL Live during the offseason. They should get it over with and re-name it Dallas Cowboys Live featuring Spygate. Because that's all they talk about and during the slow offseason I can see talking about the Patriots cheating scandal (I cringe everytime I hear the term Spygate, couldn't we come up with something less grating to the ears.) But they also give every minute detail about the Cowboys, like Pacman Jones might be moved to receiver (who cares?), Roy Williams sucks but is still going to Pro Bowls (wait, that's news?), Terrell Owens is in some TV show no one has ever heard of (can someone take that man's voicebox away?) and I don't know why anyone would care about daily Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson updates. On any other team Romo would be a good story to root for, but on Dallas he's become this overrated, Hollywood celebrity. He's had 1.5 good seasons, been to 2 Pro Bowls (only deserved one), choked in a number of big games, and the only game that I really watched of him he threw 5 (would have been 6, if Terrance McGee could catch) interceptions and was praised as a clutch player, and a "winner," single handily slaying the Bills. Also, to anyone who makes a power ranking and ranks the Cowboys ahead of the Super Bowl Champions: really? why? Oh I know, it must be Wade Phillips. Never mind then.

And finally after about 1,700 words I'll get to why I Sydney Crosby's picture is featured at the top of this particular column. I was watching the Stanley Cup finals (and probably still complaining about how the Sabres were the best team 2 years ago and would have won the Cup if it weren't for an extreme case of bad luck) when I noticed "Syd the Kid"'s attempt at a playoff beard. Now, with my facial hair history I shouldn't be mocking anyone, but Crosby's playoff beard is pathetic and is the reason why the Penguins won't win the Cup. The hockey Gods were kind enough to grant Pittsburgh the number one overall pick a million years in a row so they could pick up Crosby, Malkin, Fleury and Staal and win the east, but they won't, WILL NOT allow the Cup to be hoisted by a Captain that has the facial hair of a 8th Grade boy too afraid to shave and surprised by his new, deep voice. Seriously, when I first saw Syd's 'stache I had a good laugh. Comedy at it's finest. I mean, did I turn it to the Finals or did the Versus network start showing hockey-themed porn for the mullet crowd.

(Of course I have just jinxed it so Crosby will probably win several Cups and the Sabres will continue to unload their best players. I blame you Gary Bettman for my misery!)

And, until next time I leave you with this picture of Claire from Heroes making out with Lord Stanley.

Leap Day Return

With the writer's strike over Riding the Pine is ready for some new episodes. Good thing too, because there's lots to talk about since my last post.

NFL Free Agency

Last time I posted about the Bills I foolishly believed they could upset the Patriots. Like with most of my NFL picks I was wrong, very wrong.

Still there have been few more moments as sweet in my sports watching career than watching the over-hyped, cheating, suspiciously lucky, villainous Patriots lose the Super Bowl thus allowing the everything to be right in the Universe again. It took it a little while for the Karma Police to arrive, but boy that entire game was SWEET. And let me say this, I don't even like the New York Giants, they robbed the Bills of a Super Bowl title and they falsely pose as a New York team (they play in Jersey). But I rooted for them like they were the Bills, and in an occurrence as rare as a leap year, a team I was rooting for actually won!

Now, with free agency period starting, it's finally time to stop laughing at Patriot fans and concentrate on how the Bills can return to the playoffs (actually, I think I'll keep laughing at the Patriot fans, the arrogance radiating from Boston has single handily set mankind back several centuries and I have no problem with laughing at their well-deserved misfortunes).

And speaking of beating up on the Pats, one of the men that ruined Tom Brady's dream season, linebacker Kawika Mitchell signed on with Buffalo. I was desperately hoping that the Bills would somehow sign Lance Briggs (all of Western New York probably felt the same way), but I like this signing. Mitchell is certainly an upgrade and he can be a playmaker (he proved it with a monster game in Orchard Park in Week 16).

There has also been plenty of rumors going around that the Bills my be able to trade for DT Marcus Stroud. I don't know much about Stroud's health, but if he isn't damaged in any way than I would absolutely love this move. He's the kind of dominating D-lineman that the Bills sorely need, and with the today's release of the disappointing Larry Triplett the Bills need at Defensive Tackle is as big as Roger Clemens' ego.

NHL

I've always thought that despite their struggles the Sabres would still make the playoffs. Even as the 8th seed, they could still be considered a dark horse for the Cup (hell, Lindy Ruff has already taken an 8th seed to the Finals with the '99 squad). But the Blue and Gold are seriously pushing their luck with the stunning inconsistency they have shown this year.

I was against the Brian Campbell trade at first, mainly because it seems like giving up on this season. Even thought the Sabres are long shots this year, rather than favorites, I believe (like I said) that anything can happen in the playoffs. Plus, sometimes it's better to be the underdog then that favorite (when was the last time the president's cup winner has gone on to claim the Cup?). I do agree that the deal that sent Campbell to the Sharks for young winger Steve Brenier and a first round pick will be the right move in the long run. Reiger and crew have made of knack of ripping off teams at the deadline and have shown a keen eye for talented players. Brenier certainly looked great in his debut against Nashville (2 goals and an assist on the Vanek-Roy line). But, still it sure is frustrating to keep losing key players, and basically have the heart ripped out the heart of one of my favorite teams to root for, ever. Those Sabres from 2005-07 should have won at least one Cup, injuries and bad luck in general derailed them and this team can still amaze at times but they are no longer "good, scary good!"

MLB

I wish Hank Steinbrenner would keep his mouth shut. His calling the Red Sox Nation an ESPN created myth came off as a desperate attempt at attention and doesn't fit the level of class that the Yankees always try to instill within their organization. And saying there is more Yankees fan in the country then Sox fan is just pointless. Both teams have real fans, obnoxious band-wagon fans (although it does seem like Boston has more of this particularly vile creature), and both teams are are also loathed by nearly as many as root for them. It's comments like Steinbrenner's that cause people to hate the Pinstripes (and I really can't say I blame them for it).

In other baseball news, I have to comment on the Santana to the Mets deal. Obviously I wanted the Yankees to land him, but he's probably in a better situation with the Mets were he can feast on much weaker NL line-ups. I think the Yankees offer was better than the Mets but the Twins didn't bite and you can't really blame them for wanting to unload their best player to the National League rather than bolstering the already potent rosters of either the Yanks or Sox.

NBA

Recently, I have been intrigued by pro basketball as much I have been since the days when I was an avid watcher (those would be the Michael Jordan days). I may even write a future NBA column that equals my only other NBA column in greatness (last year's dunk contest column. And it figures that this year's contest was a lot better then the one I chose to write about).

And finally, in honor of the return of Riding the Pine, I give you today's pointless, completely random photo of a hot girl:

Damn you Hank Steinbrenner: or How I learned to Stop Worrying and face the fact that Boston sports fans are luckier than me

More and more each day, Boston is taking over the (sports) world. And I don't like it one bit, in fact something has to give soon, right karma?

Sure, the Red Sox tortured diehard fans before... well, before they became the Yankees version 2.0. But those fans still watched the Celtics and Bruins combine for a million championships. Now they have a superteam (the Patriots) that not only are better than every other team also have the fortune of being the referee's favorite team. They got Kevin Garnet for practically nothing, got Randy Moss for basically a backup specialteamer and a case of Samuel Adams, and now they might get Johna Santana.

This cannot happen.

I understand that the Yankees rationale that they would rather keep their coveted prospects than ship them away to Minnesota for Santana. I certainly agree with that plan too, I hated seeing the Yankees throw cash to guys like Carl Pavano and Kei Igawa. But the fact that Hank Steinbrenner is apparently running the show now makes me nervous. Very Nervous.

What makes me even more nervous though is thought of Boston having a rotation that features Santana, Beckett, Schilling, and whatever stud pitching prospect they don't trade to the Twins (Clay Buchholz most likely). The Yankees would never beat this team, it would be like some sort of baseball Bizarro World where the Sox dominate and the Yankees become the punching bag between the two rivals. Rod Serling couldn't even come up with a plot as twisted as that.

So why on Earth is Hank the Tank saying that time has run out on the Santana time table and practically conceding that the Sox can have him (for a cheaper price too, now that the main competition is gone). Will he be happy when Coco Crisp (that's Coco "the worst hitter in baseball, with the stupidest name in baseball" Crisp, to you) is the centerpiece in a trade that brings the best pitcher in the world to Fenway.

I understand the timetable was to ensure that the Bombers could go after other star pitchers like Erik Bedard or Dan Harren (who are cheaper, and could turn out to be better moves in the long haul). But Santana is still young, can still be dominant (despite the fact that he let down my fantasy team last year), and would look a lot better in pinstripes then in red stirrups. Plus he brings that intimidation factor to the mound, he's a true ace that the Yanks need to matchup against Beckett. Plus, look how good the AL is now. Cleveland isn't going away anytime soon, Detroit pulled the closest to Boston with the mega trade that brought Willis and Cabrera to Motown,and the Angels always dominate New York and appear to be players on the trade market as well.

The Yankees need better pitching to compete with these powers. Phil Hughes might be great, but I can't picture him being better than Santana. Plus you can't be afraid to give up star prospects to get proven quality. My favorite recent example of this involves the Red Sox and the best farm system in the Majors, the Florida Marlins. Boston traded away All-star (and future NL MVP candidate)Hanley Ramirez to the fish. Now I'm sure they wish they still had this star at SS especially considering the rotation they've had at the position over the past few years. However, in that deal they got Beckett in return, plus the Marlins refused to make the deal unless Boston also took their aging 3rd basemen; Mike Lowell. That deal worked up pretty well for them, and who knows, the Marlins will probably trade Ramirez back to the Sox in a few years when he wants a new contact (God forbid the Marlins team payroll passes the vaunted 5 million dollar mark).

In conclusion, trade some prospects, get a star pitcher, beat Red Sox, win World Series. C'mon Hank, that shouldn't be too much to ask of you. Who knows, Santana and Joba Chamberlain could even team up together and fight crime in the streets of New York during their spare time...

- Another point I wanted to make about the luck of the Irish (in this case Boston fans) is being able to watch a team that can't lose. And I'm not talking about the New England Revolution, who were toppled by the mighty Houston Dynamo in the MLS finale.

The Patriots were outplayed by the lowly Ravens on Monday night. Willis McGahee looked like an unstoppable force and the crowd was beyond pumped to watch their team hand a "L" to the Patriots record. (This is how I thought the Bills would have played a few weeks ago, but I guess JP Losman is no AJ Feeley or Kyle Boller).

Anyway, it's apparent that someone out there really does not want the Pats to lose. Ever. For the second straight week they had a crucial touchdown, that by league rules shouldn't have been and for about the tenth straight year the refs turned around a sure Patriots loss with their ill-timed bizarre calls that destroy the Patriots opponent.

The Patriots are the best team in the league, but they way the refs continue to favor them is laughable. The smugness of that team just makes it worse. They need to suffer a heartbreaking, devastating, borderline unfair loss in the playoffs. It's the only way to set things right, to shut up arrogant non-deserving, bandwagon fans and to assure everyone that evil doesn't always win.

- Speaking of evil and classless ways, I've heard some people roast the Bills for running a play during the Sean Taylor Memorial 10-man defense play. This is ABSURD, almost as stupid as the Redskins only putting 10 people on the field for that play.

Dick Jauron and the Bills are easily one of the classiest teams in the league. In fact, sometimes they're too classy, which is why bullies can embarrass them on national TV. But why should he let a struggle offense in the middle of a Wild Card race forfeit a play to honor Taylor. I don't think that's what a player known for loving the game and playing hard no matter what (Remember when he leveled the Bills best player punter Brian Moorman in the Pro Bowl) would have wanted.

And the Redskins could have easily stopped the play,they had Fred Jackson in trouble but he burned the defenders to the outside and galloped 22 yards for a well-deserved run. The Skins had a safety deep on that play, but I still would have thrown in maybe even in flea-flicker fashion. I don't think that would disrespect the Taylor (certainly not more then Skins fans cheering during the moment of silence) and it could spark the stagnant Bills offense to make a few other plays too.

Of course, the way this game was going a TD bomb would probably have been called back due to an illegal catch, or a phantom call, since this game was eerily reminiscent of the infamous "Tedy Bruschi game" where the Bills outplayed the Pats but lost because it was determined before the game that the previously stroked out Bruschi would be Defensive Player of the Week, and therefore the Patriots must win the game. They did in questionable fashion (again) and Bruschi did indeed win Defensive Player of the week honors despite an embarrassing night on the field where ESPN had to make a new stat (number of hits) to make Bruschi look good.

It would have been a great story to see the Redskins win to honor their teammate and friend Taylor, so they got the benefit of the doubt all day. But then something happened that gave me hope that all is not lost in the sports world. The Bills overcame all this and another dreadful offensive performance and actually came out on the right side of one of these heartbreakers.

One can only hope that this means that Trent Edwards is the Bills answer to Brady, Romo all the other late round picks that become legendary, and eventually Edwards may even be able to vanquish the evil forces coming from the New England region.

Either that, or the Yankees could just trade for Santana and he can knock out Tom Brady with a fastball to the head. Hopeful thinking? Of course, but for us non-Boston sports fan that's all we have now. Hope.

Badass Bills

The goalposts are coming down tonight. The field will be stormed by triumphant (and almost certainly boozed up) Bills fans. Actually, the game still has to be played but if the Bills can follow this simple rule, then they might be on their way to the biggest upset in NFL history.

That rule? Be the badass Bills, rather than the just bad Bills that limped through the two teams Week 3 debacle.

This means play with an edge, play like they're pissed off that everybody has already anointed the Pats as a 19-0 Super-Champion, the greatest of all time.

Forget that.

It's time for sweet revenge.

That's right, revenge for all those games that dubious, biased officiating aided the Pats to victory, revenge for the "Teddy Bruschi Game", revenge for the cheap shot on Losman earlier in the year and revenge just for being an pompous, no-class organization.

After the last time these two squads met I wanted desperately for Dick Jauron to sucker-punch Belichick during the post-game handshake. He deserves it, in fact I would start a fund to see an NFL person do this. How does www.suckerpunchbelichick.org sound?

Seriously, these guys do deserve a taste of their own chowder so to speak (a cheap shot for a cheap shot, eye for an eye), but that's not what it means to be the bad ass Bills.

Mainly it means to ditch this conservative gameplan that has been maddening to watch at times (are you listening Fairchild?). This doesn't mean to play stupid and take unnecessary risks, just open a the play book, and get the ball in the hands of the playmakers. Do some flea-flickers, some reverses, creative blitzes to take out Brady. I know, easier said then done, but it's still key especially with Lynch doubtful.

Of course, that's brings up another badass point. What would pump a Labatt-fueled, towel-waving crowd more than Lynch doing his best Willis Reed imitation and taking the field against silver and white clad Goliaths. Nothing would delight me more than a Marshawn Lynch stiff-arm punch to the face Tedy Bruschi, any blood or a possible busted face for the Pats linebacker "hero" would be a nice bonus.

Anyway you look at it, this is a colossal task for Buffalo. I mean when has a surging team that's won four in a row, been nearly perfect at home (damn you heart-breaking losses to Denver and Dallas) be 15.5 point underdogs. To make matters worse the league decided to make a pair of die-hard Patriot fans members of the chain gang this game. That's right fellow Bills fans, you should feel comfortable knowing that a crucial 4th and inches will be in the hands of two die-hard New England fans who are "glad to be part of history."

That's right, everyone has already gave these guys the Vince Lombardi trophy and a spot in the history books. You just know the league wants them to be undefeated going in to a Super Bowl match-up against Dallas or Green Bay (ooh....in Favre's finale nonetheless). They would be able to charge a billion dollars per 30-second spot during that game.

You know what, maybe know one can stop the Patriots from winning another title, they've certainly looked like the best team this league has seen in a while. But they're not undefeated yet, and I think some people might be surprised what this amped-up crowd can do for the Bills.

They were close from pulling off the shocker against Dallas, and this time there might not be any heartbreak, well unless you're a Pats fan. Pipe dream or not, you have to admit one thing... that sure would be badass.

One Year ago....

Riding the Pine sports/entertainment column made it's debut in the September 2006, Volume 6 Issue 1 of the Cardinal Courier. The debut column was called Forecast 2006 and featured some predictions of mine. Since I've had a mixed bag on my prognostications (mostly way off and off to a bad start in the NFL column), I've decided to re-visit my first column and evaluate my guesses.

Enjoy:

If you plan on heading to Vegas anytime before the end of the year, make sure you read this first. That’s because I’m going to give you my surefire predictions from now until January 1st. I hope no one made a spur of the moment Vegas trip with this column in mind. But if you did win money, that is one thing that I'm in need of.

- October will generate a number of fall classics, along with a few surprises. The Detroit Tigers will be the 2006 version of last year’s champion, the Chicago White Sox. They’ll weather a tough stretch at the end of the season but still fight of the Twins and White Sox for the AL Central Crown. They won’t stop there.
Strong pitching, led by rookie Justin Verlander, a solid line-up and savvy manager Jim Leyland will help them to edge out the New York Yankees, and AL MVP Derek Jeter, in a historic seven game ALCS (no bias here, I’m a Yankees fan).
The Mets will cruise threw the National League as expected. But with their chances of winning a subway series dashed the Mets will fall victim to the upstart Tigers. (And Detroit fans can temporarily forget the ineptitude of the Lions, and the postseason collapse of the Red Wings and Pistons.)
I was wrong here, but generally not too far off. The Tigers did upset the Yanks (only in the ALDS) and were the favorite over a team that upset the Mets. However, the Fall Classic failed to live up to it's prestigious billing as the Cardinals became the most unlikely of Champions since the 2001 Patriots (and hopefully neither team cheated their way to victory).

- The Buffalo Bills will exceed preseason expectations, finishing with a respectable 8-8 record. However, they’ll lose several close games as the result of bizarre officiating decisions. Meanwhile, The Philadelphia Eagles will be the biggest surprise in the NFL. The Eagles will win the NFC East, but they’re not invincible and won’t advance far in the postseason.
Wow, I really know that team from Buffalo. They finished strong, and were on pace to hit my predicted 8-8 when they split their first 14 games, before eventually losing the final two. And there was plenty of bizarre officiating circumstances that took a way victory for the Bills (especially in the opener against... who else, the patriots). I was also right about the Eagles (except no mention of Jeff Garcia).

- Barry Bonds and Terrell Owens will team together and form their own cable station where they talk about Bonds and Owens 24/7. They will call it ESPN.
I still like this joke, and it's still appropriate. Just throw in the names Mike Vick and Bill Belichick too.

- The Buffalo Sabres will overcome an average start and have one of the top records in the NHL before the all-star break.
The Sabres did have the top record, but they got off to a blazing start and didn't cool off until the Eastern Conference Finals.- People will tune into NASCAR to see where Ricky Bobby resides in the standings.

- Ohio State and Auburn will battle for college supremacy in the BCS Championship Game. The game will feature Heisman winner Troy Smith, but it won’t be the spectacle that last year’s USC/Texas game was.
Smith won the Heisman, Ohio State got pummeled by Florida, and I was drunk by halftime of this game.

- Emmitt Smith will fulfill his life long dream of competing on Dancing With The Stars, but ultimately he will fumble away the title of dancing champion to A.C. Slater. Luckily for Emmitt this will open the door for him to appear in other reality programs such as Laguna Beach and Nanny 911.
Haha, did Emmitt win Dancing With the Stars? Does anyone care? And does Emmitt care that he was seen on national television prancing around in a pink shirt?

- Roger Federer will continue to dominate men’s tennis, and Maria Sharapova will continue to make all her matches a must-see event.
Yep, Federer is still dominant (but come on, that was an easy one to guess), and Ms. Sharapova is still fun to watch (if you know what I mean...)

- Scott Pukos will win the title of St. John Fisher racquetball champion; unfortunately, he will later be stripped of the title after it’s discovered that he attended a luncheon held by Floyd Landis and Marion Jones
My favorite part of the column, and yes I am the racquetball champion and I decided to skip the luncheon with Landis and Jones and instead I went to a brunch sponsored by Rodney Harrison and Rick Ankiel (the HGH breakfast burritos were great, by the way).

Riding the Pine: Pirate Edition

Ahoy matties, did you know that today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day?
It's true, everyone in the world is talking like a pirate today, and if you're not they you my be walking the plank soon.

According to the always handy Wikipedia, this holiday was actually invented in 1995 by John Baur and Mark Summers as an inside joke and became nationally (and internationally) known thanks to the promotion of humor columnist Dave Berry in 2002.

And personally, I think it's a great idea. Who doesn't love pirates? They're fun, they do what they want, they rule the seas, they can be villains or they can be heroes. They can even get Johnny Depp an Academy Award nomination.

Sports has a few Pirate organizations (Pittsburgh Pirates, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Oakland Raider fans) and a few swashbuckling personalities. The baseball pirates have been drowning in mediocrity for about 15 years now (or ever since Barry Bonds left for the bay to become one of the most notorious, and notoriously hated, figures in baseball history). Ever since their Super Bowl Appearance in early 2003, The Bucs and Raiders have had their ships riddled by cannon sized problems too, not to mention a flurry of losses.

A tough, scrappy, never-say-die player is a pirate of sports. I could see gunslingers like Brett Favre or Kenny Stabler as pirates if they were born in the right era. Or what about some of the big maulers along the offensive or defensive line, like Mean Joe Greene or the Sam Adams, they would make some mean pirates.

And of course, you need a Captain Hook, pirate villain in sports. I think this villain is in the NFL as well. A often shrouded, secret-hoarding man, who cheats to get what he wants with the vigor that could only be pulled off by the most vile of pirates. And (for the most part) gets away with it.

Bill Belichick, you are Captain Hook. A technical savvy pirate, who is well versed in lying. And even though he is losing a portion of his treasure (a hefty fine and 1st round draft choice) he still gets to roam the sea and pillage other NFL ships.

It seems weird that a Patriot would have to use the way of the pirate to win, but in today's world, you win at any costs. I've always suspected the Patriots were cheating some how but my jealous delusions were mostly fixated on the fact that the referees could be accomplices to this villainous regime. Instead, Captain Belicheat sailed around the rulebook and used the aid of his trusty parrot (camera man)to steal team's signs.

After all, it is easy to attack someone when you know where their going to be. Ah yes, Davy Jones would be proud (or would New England owner Robert Kraft be Davy Jones in this pirate analogy?).

So the only question left is: who is going to be the Peter Pan/Orlando Bloom figure to take down Captain Belicheat and sink his ship of swines for good?

We know the affable Peyton Manning is up to the task (and for that matter Commissioner/Commodore Goodell isn't quite up to the task), and what about the beleaguered J.P. Losman and a desperate Buffalo Bills club on Sunday? With the hype surrounding the greatness of the Pats and the supposed dire situation in Buffalo, an epic upset could be in order, and this upset could the first push down the plank this merry band of victory thieves.

Now let me forget about sports for a second, and celebrate this holiday with a bottle of rum.