USA, USA, USA!

Just a few quick notes following the Fourth of July:

First off, I can't believe this day has come. The day where Kobayashi failed to win the Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest. But it's certainly about time that an American claimed the title, and he all should be proud of the fact that Joey Chestnut downed 66 dogs in the 12-minute span of the contest.

This contest has a perfect recipe of competitiveness, comedy, grossness and American tradition. In fact, I'm just waiting for this event to be the stage for the next Dodgeball type movie about underdogs. The only question is who would play the part of Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, and who would be Kobayashi? I'm thinking Paul Reubens as Chestnut and Jet Li as Kobayashi. Directed by Ben Stiller. This could follow in the tradition of entertaining/great 4th of July movies like Independence Day and Transformers.


Speaking of Independence Day traditions, we are now well into the 2007 MLB season. Of course, the Yankees season has been a disappointment. They've gotten great play from A-Rod (MVP type year), Jeter, Posada and the occasional gem by a pitcher like Wang. But with such a weak bullpen and inconsistent pitching all around. I'm starting to doubt the Yanks ability to claim the AL Wildcard.

To make matters worse, my fantasy baseball team is struggling even worse than the Steinbrenner's crew. I have some solid pitching in Santana, Verlander, Wang and Oswalt. But injuries (B.J. Ryan) and disappointments have flooded my roster (what was I thinking drafting someone as loony as Manny Ramirez? And taking Santana over A-Rod is proving to be fatal). I cut loose some dead weight (Jermaine Dye, Delmon Young, Richie Sexson) so hopefully I can at least avoid the embarrassment of a last place finish.

And on a final note, I'm happy to find out that as of today Thomas Vanek will be a Sabre for a long time. Buffalo just recently announced that they have matched the Edmonton Oilers offer sheet, meaning that their top goal scorer will remain a Sabre and help to bring a shred of optimism to this dreadful NHL offseason. And of course this means another U.S. victory over Canada.

USA, USA, USA! Now, excuse me, I have some hot dogs to eat and fire works to set off Not really, but you still gotta love this patriotic holiday(that is, unless you're the guy who has to clean up after the Hot Dog eating contest).

State of the Sabres Address II

During today's press conference with Larry Quinn and Darcy Regier, the pair exclaimed that the sky is not falling for the Buffalo Sabres. That may be true, but after the events of yesterday (known around these parts as black Sunday, or maybe it's green Sunday for a certain pair of former Sabres), it's hard to argue that Buffalo's win total won't be falling.

The Sabres have still not made a move, and the free agent market is quickly dwindling. Buffalo can still salvage some extra talent from what's left in the free agent pool (a pool which has been violated by the New York Rangers). But the first priority is to sign restricted free agents Thomas Vanek and Derek Roy. And maybe even try to convince Dainius Zubrus to stick around for a while.

Some quality defenseman still remain possibilities as well: Sheldon Souray (a big guy with a nasty shot, he would be a big asset on the powerplay, Brad Stewart (add some needed toughness). If Teppo Numinen decides he would like to play for at least another year, then he becomes a must sign as well (it seems like every year the eventual Champion has a skilled older player who's never won the Cup. I believe Numinen is that guy for Buffalo).

There are also some long-shot possibilities at forward. I would love to have the Finnish Flash Teemu Selanne for a year or two but I rank this as a long-shot level 9.9 (roughly the same odds that I have scoring a date with Jessica Alba or Ralph Nader becoming President). Selanne is probably going to retire or sign a one-year contract to help defend the Ducks Title, and certainly wouldn't want to relocate across the country. But there's no denying that he would fit in great with the Sabres high octane offense. There aren't many other forwards to go after. There's Brendan Shanahan (probably going to re-sign with New York Ranger$), and there's Michael Peca (you know, that undersized former Sabre captain who's washed up. I hope Flyers fans get used to that sentence because that's how Briere will be described when he's in the middle of that monster contract. Another available center is Alexi Yashin, and I don't think there's many ways to make this offseason worse for the Sabres...unless they sign Yashin, that will make things ten times worse.

I am admittedly bitter towards our former Captains for leaving; however,there's no way I'll ever boo one of these guys. They've helped resurrect the franchise and they entered the lexicon of Sabres that I will always remember. I even believe Briere that he wanted to stay in Buffalo, and left not just because of the large pay increase but also because management made him feel unwanted. Seriously, they couldn't have screwed up that situation any worse than they did. As for Drury, the front office knew the importance of resigning him; unfortunately, so did the front office of the team that he always dreamed of playing for (Damn you Rangers).

So while I woke up this morning hoping that yesterday never happened, or that they discovered that it wasn't really Briere that signed with Philly, but a young French-Canadian child who just looked like the 2007 All-Star Game MVP, I've not reached the point where I'm trying to accept these changes with the team. Like most fans, I even try to talk myself into the possibility that Buffalo will be better of in the long run.

Regier is right though, the sky isn't falling, but you certainly can't blame Sabres fans for wanting an umbrella just in case.

Sabres Update (aka why I'm currently smashing my head on my keyboard)

Well, it's official. Today is one of the worst days in Sabres history.

Chris Drury decided to stay in New York State, but with Buffalo's Eastern Conference rival the New York Rangers. Good thing the NHL robbed us of a year of hockey to get a salary cap and make sure big market teams don't have a huge advantage. Otherwise the Rangers would be able to sign Drury, Scott Gomez, and pay Jagr superstar money. Oh wait, I forgot the NHL is run by the one of the most incompetent commissioners ever Gary Bettman.

I thought the Sabres could at least make a run at Smyth, but he signed with the Avs, Jason Blake (who would have fit in well) signed with another rival in Toronto. Now, like I said earlier I don't think this is the apocalypse for the Sabres, but this certainly is a kick to the groin for the organization. And, trust me, there's no other way to put it - it's the equivalent of someone dangling the fabled Stanley Cup over the heads of the collective Sabres fan base, and when we're looking up, Bettman and some of our biggest rivals come up and decide to smash us in the groin with a hockey stick. Several times too, and then for good measure Danny Briere and Chris Drury come by and run over our hearts with a Zamboni. And I shouldn't say it's the equivalent, because this literally happened to the Blue and Gold faithful.

I'm sure that by the time the season opener rolls around I'll be more confident in the product that the Sabres are putting on the ice, but for now, I can't help what could have (and possibly should have)been...


Thanks for the memories Captain Drury, Captain Briere, you guys will always be Sabres to this guy.

Goodbye Danny B. (Don't Let Drury follow you out the door)

Also in this column: why the Flyers still suck

This moment may have seemed inevitable, but it still is an emotional sting when a beloved Sabre cuts his ties with the blue and gold.

In this case, it's Daniel Briere who has traded in his slug uniform for 52 million dollars and a chance to play for one of the league's worse teams for 8 years (well, I guess the Flyers could get better, but I'm guessing not and I'll explain this more later).

It seems the Sabres low-balled Briere with the 5-year 25 million dollar deal they offered him earlier in the week. The unfortunate irony here is that if they had offered that to him last year he would still be a Sabre and not in the "Screw you Darcy Regier" Club with Marty Biron. This is not to say that Reiger has done a bad job, because he actually has been one of the best, if not the best GM in the league. He built and helped develop this awesome President's Cup winning roster. But when we look back his body of work in a few years, his downfall may prove to be summed up with the mention of one faithful day. That day being today, July 1, 2007.

Of course, today could be the doomsday in Buffalo, but there is still hope. For starters, the Sabres are still a young, supremely talented squad with a clutch Star goalie (ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ryan Miller), and one of the best coaches in the game (take a bow Lindy Ruff, Bryan Murray wishes he had the skills you do). And as of now (5 pm on Sunday), there's still a chance that Captain Clutch himself will still resign with Buffalo. Rampant speculation is that Drury will sign with a west coast team, but I'm still holding out hope that Drury wants to be the guy to bring the Cup to Buffalo. He still hasn't rejected Buffalo's secretive offer to him and maybe if he sees plans to turn City Hall into a giant Stanley Cup replica then that will be the clincher to stay.

And of course, this could all be moot before I'm even done typing this column. So what does Buffalo do if they lose their second captain?

They can always pursue Ryan Smyth. He's a guy with enough heart, skill and ambition to became our newest Chris Drury. Seeing Smyth in a Swords uniform would be the closest thing to erasing the pain of losing two of the most revered hockey players this area has seen in a while. It would almost be like having Daniel Craig replace Pierce Bronson as James Bond. Sure, it seems like the wrong move but in the end, things could get better, the Casino Royale version of the Sabres may even trump the old,loved Goldeneye version of the Sabres (and I'm not going into any Sean Connery version of the Sabres, there's just no need for it).

Still, signing Smyth probably is as likely as getting Drury to resign. In this case, there's not much Buffalo can or should attempt to do in free agency. They could still go after a tough, rugged defensemen (they need some grit in the playoffs) and maybe try to add a player with good size and skill (Zubrus would be a logical choice to stay with the Sabres). And the only other thing to do is pray, pray that their young talent will take it to the next level and the 2007-08 Sabres will be that team that appears worse than the past few years, even struggle a bit, but they put it together in the postseason and some how win a title (you know the type, right 2006 St. Louis Cardinals?).

Before I end this, I wanted to finish my above thoughts and the Philadelphia Flyers. They'll certainly be better next year but when has signing a way several key players from a great team ever won a championship? Ever? Not that I can recall. Stealing away two players from a hated rival may seem like a surefire way to weaken the enemy and create a buzz around your franchise, but I don;t see the aging tandem of Briere and Biron putting the Flyers past the Sabres. In fact, it reminds me a lot of the Bills grabbing Bledsoe and Milloy away from the Patriots. That worked out as well Gobots. Wait, you don't remember Gobots? They were a cheap rip-off of the Transformers. And that's all the Flyers will be, a cheap rip-off of the Sabres.

Now, I just hope I won't be biting my tongue when Gobots the movie comes out next summer.

The Return

My days of writing for the Cardinal Courier are over, but that doesn't mean the end of riding the pine. The Summer editions will start up soon, and they'll have a different feel from my past columns.

This includes the addition of more non-sports related topics to riff on, namely reviews of different books(Chuck Palahniuk's new one is a good read and of course the Harry Potter finale), movies (Knocked Up is already in the upper echelon of great comedies) and music (new discs from the White Stripes, Arctic Monkeys and Wilco in a matter of months is a great thing). I may even include my post graduation synopsis entitled, "Have A Good Life."

As for the sports side, there's still plenty to cover including summer baseball and a watch on all my favorite squads (Yanks, Bills and of course the pivotal off-season for the Sabres).

In conclusion, there's plenty of room left on the bench, and die hard benchwarmers (aka the Riding the Pine fan club) may even be rewarded with the long awaited announcement of this column's official mascot...

(cut to black)

The Finale

This column was originally published in the Volume 6 - Issue 12 - April 18, 2007 edition of the award-winning Cardinal Courier

So, it’s come down to this, my final column in the Cardinal Courier. And this one is going to be all about the man behind Riding the Pine: me (break out the Kleenex, because this one could get emotional).

Some of you may have not realized I was a senior (due to my boyish good looks), but I am. I have only written for the Courier for 3 years though, because I joined my sophomore year. My first duty at the Courier was to write movie reviews with my friend Luke, which was a pretty sweet gig even though I’m still waiting to get reimbursed for those films. But, it was still fun and it helped to introduce me to the Courier community. (This reminds me, Democrat and Chronicle, if you’re looking for a new movie reviewer, I will work for cheap).

Both the Courier and the campus itself, has changed immensely throughout my tenure here. For example, does anyone else remember the beach volleyball area outside Haffey? Or how about when you could get late night dining at the Fishbowl at 7, instead of 8? And believe it or not freshmen, that giant construction zone in the center of campus used to be a nice little spot called Lavery Lawn. A place where people could toss a disc around, play a round of frolf (frisbee-golf) or just hang out by the picnic tables.

That last part may seem a little negative, but I’m just doing something that we all do: reminisce on good times. When I look back at my time here, I’ll block out most of the negative stuff and remember the little things that trigger those good memories. There’s the “drunk stairs” from freshman year, there’s the time Haffey 3 exploded after Aaron Boone’s homerun buried the Red Sox. And then there’s the Unicorns of Death floor hockey squad, the addition of buffalo chicken in the omelets, the intense racquetball matches and the New York trip with the Courier staff.

Ah, good times.

It’s nice to look back and rediscover everything I’ve written for the Courier. My movie reviews, my plead for an on-campus bar and of course the entire Riding the Pine catalogue. It’s been a good year for you benchwarmers (that’s what I’m going to start calling my fan base). In past issues, I’ve predicted the future, voiced my displeasure over the Sabres slug logo, I’ve defended A-Rod and offended T.O. I’ve crossed the border of rowdiness with rival Nazareth (and mocked their affection for purple shirts and wine coolers), I’ve dreamt of Rick Jeanneret narrating my life and I’ve demonstrated the true greatness of mascots. I’ve made some of the most obscure references I could think up, including a sporting Facebook, Darkwing Duck and The Mole. And now it’s come to this, my farewell column.

I’ll still have a Riding the Pine blog (http://ridingthepinesports.blogspot.com/), that has all my past columns and anything new I want to add, but it’s not the same as having my designated spot near Extra Innings in the Courier’s sports section. This makes me realize that even with all the change on campus and at the Courier, I have changed too. Sure, some things are the same. I’m still a twin, I’m still a World Champion (Odyssey of the Mind 2003), I’m still a fan of the Sabres, Bills and Yankees (and I still like to use parentheses when I write). But I know this place has made me a better writer, a smarter individual and dare I say, a better person.

As George Costanza would say, showmanship is important and leaving on a high note always leaves the audience wanting more. After a killer joke, he would say, “that’s it for me” and he would make his triumphant exit.

It’s now time for me to make my exit, so to St. John Fisher I say…
That’s it for me.

Mascot Mania

This column was originally published in the Volume 6 - Issue 11 - April 4, 2007 edition of the award-winning Cardinal Courier

You enter the arena and the crowd goes wild. You raise your hands in the air and signal for the audience to reach an apex of craziness. You’re impossibly hot, sweating profusely, but there’s pandemonium all around you and you feed off that. Children love you, the drunk guys in the upper deck love you and women especially love you.

So who are you?

You’re one of the most underrated parts of a sports franchise, you’re the mascot.

Think about it. Mascots are always fun, they do cool tricks and often have hilarious names.

What crowd doesn’t get pumped up when they see Sabretooth propel down from the roof of HSBC Arena before a Sabres game? Or see the Phoenix Suns Gorilla leap through a flaming hoop to throw down a vicious jam?

In some ways the mascot can be the face of a franchise as much as a star player. The mascot is just one of the fans, whether it be the rowdy, shirtless type relentlessly high-fiving others, or the family-friendly type. Plus you’ll never see a mascot leaving through free agency or blasting the team and city after they leave (cough… McGahee…cough). In college athletics the athletes have a maximum shelf life of four years, so long time fans identify the most with the coaches and the school in general (which I like to think is represented by the mascot). The two biggest stars for the Syracuse hoops team has to be: Jim Boeheim number one and Otto the Orange number two.

Of course, there is a chance that the person behind the costume is a jerk. But that doesn’t matter because it’s not about the him/her that dons that uniform, but what that costume represents. It represents the fans and having a good time. And even if the person wearing that costume is an outstanding person, they won’t be recognized in public. For instance, did you know the Suns Gorilla is actually a man named Bob Woolf? Or that David Raymond was the original Phillie Phanatic? You don’t know their names, but their characters are in the Mascot Hall of Fame (along with the San Diego Chicken and a few others).

As I mentioned in my Sabres column a few weeks ago, I love some of the zany names of these mascots (like Sparky the Dragon for the Islanders), but I feel some mascots could be improved to maximize the sheer coolness of their potential.

Let’s start with Anaheim Duck mascot. Now I know they aren’t Mighty any more, but the franchise is missing a key opportunity here. They should step it up and announce Darkwing Duck as their newest mascot. A Ducks game would be a must-see if they had Darkwing swinging from the rafters (and possibly battling NegaDuck too). Awesome.

And what’s up with the Montreal Canadiens mascot Youppi? He’s just an outcast from the defunct Expos. How about an ice-skating Mountie as a mascot that knows how to lay down the law. The San Antonio Spurs need a change too. Currently their team is represented by a coyote that wears a Tim Duncan jersey and sports two giant green orbs as its eyes. It may as well be named: Rabies, the child-scaring mascot. They should have a cowboy, or even something simple as a giant spur. There’s no reason to have an animal as a mascot just because it seems simpler.

In fact that’s what this column is missing. If you have any good costume ideas then send me an email because the Riding the Pine mascot is going to be the next great sports figure. Just don’t ask it to jump through a flaming hoop.