One Year ago....

Riding the Pine sports/entertainment column made it's debut in the September 2006, Volume 6 Issue 1 of the Cardinal Courier. The debut column was called Forecast 2006 and featured some predictions of mine. Since I've had a mixed bag on my prognostications (mostly way off and off to a bad start in the NFL column), I've decided to re-visit my first column and evaluate my guesses.

Enjoy:

If you plan on heading to Vegas anytime before the end of the year, make sure you read this first. That’s because I’m going to give you my surefire predictions from now until January 1st. I hope no one made a spur of the moment Vegas trip with this column in mind. But if you did win money, that is one thing that I'm in need of.

- October will generate a number of fall classics, along with a few surprises. The Detroit Tigers will be the 2006 version of last year’s champion, the Chicago White Sox. They’ll weather a tough stretch at the end of the season but still fight of the Twins and White Sox for the AL Central Crown. They won’t stop there.
Strong pitching, led by rookie Justin Verlander, a solid line-up and savvy manager Jim Leyland will help them to edge out the New York Yankees, and AL MVP Derek Jeter, in a historic seven game ALCS (no bias here, I’m a Yankees fan).
The Mets will cruise threw the National League as expected. But with their chances of winning a subway series dashed the Mets will fall victim to the upstart Tigers. (And Detroit fans can temporarily forget the ineptitude of the Lions, and the postseason collapse of the Red Wings and Pistons.)
I was wrong here, but generally not too far off. The Tigers did upset the Yanks (only in the ALDS) and were the favorite over a team that upset the Mets. However, the Fall Classic failed to live up to it's prestigious billing as the Cardinals became the most unlikely of Champions since the 2001 Patriots (and hopefully neither team cheated their way to victory).

- The Buffalo Bills will exceed preseason expectations, finishing with a respectable 8-8 record. However, they’ll lose several close games as the result of bizarre officiating decisions. Meanwhile, The Philadelphia Eagles will be the biggest surprise in the NFL. The Eagles will win the NFC East, but they’re not invincible and won’t advance far in the postseason.
Wow, I really know that team from Buffalo. They finished strong, and were on pace to hit my predicted 8-8 when they split their first 14 games, before eventually losing the final two. And there was plenty of bizarre officiating circumstances that took a way victory for the Bills (especially in the opener against... who else, the patriots). I was also right about the Eagles (except no mention of Jeff Garcia).

- Barry Bonds and Terrell Owens will team together and form their own cable station where they talk about Bonds and Owens 24/7. They will call it ESPN.
I still like this joke, and it's still appropriate. Just throw in the names Mike Vick and Bill Belichick too.

- The Buffalo Sabres will overcome an average start and have one of the top records in the NHL before the all-star break.
The Sabres did have the top record, but they got off to a blazing start and didn't cool off until the Eastern Conference Finals.- People will tune into NASCAR to see where Ricky Bobby resides in the standings.

- Ohio State and Auburn will battle for college supremacy in the BCS Championship Game. The game will feature Heisman winner Troy Smith, but it won’t be the spectacle that last year’s USC/Texas game was.
Smith won the Heisman, Ohio State got pummeled by Florida, and I was drunk by halftime of this game.

- Emmitt Smith will fulfill his life long dream of competing on Dancing With The Stars, but ultimately he will fumble away the title of dancing champion to A.C. Slater. Luckily for Emmitt this will open the door for him to appear in other reality programs such as Laguna Beach and Nanny 911.
Haha, did Emmitt win Dancing With the Stars? Does anyone care? And does Emmitt care that he was seen on national television prancing around in a pink shirt?

- Roger Federer will continue to dominate men’s tennis, and Maria Sharapova will continue to make all her matches a must-see event.
Yep, Federer is still dominant (but come on, that was an easy one to guess), and Ms. Sharapova is still fun to watch (if you know what I mean...)

- Scott Pukos will win the title of St. John Fisher racquetball champion; unfortunately, he will later be stripped of the title after it’s discovered that he attended a luncheon held by Floyd Landis and Marion Jones
My favorite part of the column, and yes I am the racquetball champion and I decided to skip the luncheon with Landis and Jones and instead I went to a brunch sponsored by Rodney Harrison and Rick Ankiel (the HGH breakfast burritos were great, by the way).

Riding the Pine: Pirate Edition

Ahoy matties, did you know that today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day?
It's true, everyone in the world is talking like a pirate today, and if you're not they you my be walking the plank soon.

According to the always handy Wikipedia, this holiday was actually invented in 1995 by John Baur and Mark Summers as an inside joke and became nationally (and internationally) known thanks to the promotion of humor columnist Dave Berry in 2002.

And personally, I think it's a great idea. Who doesn't love pirates? They're fun, they do what they want, they rule the seas, they can be villains or they can be heroes. They can even get Johnny Depp an Academy Award nomination.

Sports has a few Pirate organizations (Pittsburgh Pirates, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Oakland Raider fans) and a few swashbuckling personalities. The baseball pirates have been drowning in mediocrity for about 15 years now (or ever since Barry Bonds left for the bay to become one of the most notorious, and notoriously hated, figures in baseball history). Ever since their Super Bowl Appearance in early 2003, The Bucs and Raiders have had their ships riddled by cannon sized problems too, not to mention a flurry of losses.

A tough, scrappy, never-say-die player is a pirate of sports. I could see gunslingers like Brett Favre or Kenny Stabler as pirates if they were born in the right era. Or what about some of the big maulers along the offensive or defensive line, like Mean Joe Greene or the Sam Adams, they would make some mean pirates.

And of course, you need a Captain Hook, pirate villain in sports. I think this villain is in the NFL as well. A often shrouded, secret-hoarding man, who cheats to get what he wants with the vigor that could only be pulled off by the most vile of pirates. And (for the most part) gets away with it.

Bill Belichick, you are Captain Hook. A technical savvy pirate, who is well versed in lying. And even though he is losing a portion of his treasure (a hefty fine and 1st round draft choice) he still gets to roam the sea and pillage other NFL ships.

It seems weird that a Patriot would have to use the way of the pirate to win, but in today's world, you win at any costs. I've always suspected the Patriots were cheating some how but my jealous delusions were mostly fixated on the fact that the referees could be accomplices to this villainous regime. Instead, Captain Belicheat sailed around the rulebook and used the aid of his trusty parrot (camera man)to steal team's signs.

After all, it is easy to attack someone when you know where their going to be. Ah yes, Davy Jones would be proud (or would New England owner Robert Kraft be Davy Jones in this pirate analogy?).

So the only question left is: who is going to be the Peter Pan/Orlando Bloom figure to take down Captain Belicheat and sink his ship of swines for good?

We know the affable Peyton Manning is up to the task (and for that matter Commissioner/Commodore Goodell isn't quite up to the task), and what about the beleaguered J.P. Losman and a desperate Buffalo Bills club on Sunday? With the hype surrounding the greatness of the Pats and the supposed dire situation in Buffalo, an epic upset could be in order, and this upset could the first push down the plank this merry band of victory thieves.

Now let me forget about sports for a second, and celebrate this holiday with a bottle of rum.

The Official 2007 Riding the Pine NFL Preview

There's nothing like NFL football. When I was younger, a new NFL season met new hope for my favorite team, dominant, star-laden Bills team. It met the virtual Bills winning another Tecmo Super Bowl, with the unnamed RB #34 zig-zagging past the speedy 49ers defense.

In college a new NFL season meant waking up hungover Sunday around newish, hitting up brunch (gotta love the omelet bar) and lounging around all day watching football (and berating the refs for screwing over Buffalo on most Sundays).

Now, I'm not quite sure what a new season of football when have in store for me, or any of the other millions of NFL fans. One good thing, it brings hopes to all cities that their team can be the 99 Rams, the 00 Patriots, 03 Bucs, or any other team to explode out of nowhere and end the season on top of the world.

The wait is now over, and just for fun here are my picks for this season. Who knows, there may even be another underdog that baffles the pundits and wins the Championship...

AFC EAST
predicted order:
1. New England Patriots
2. Buffalo Bills
3. New York Jets
4. Miami Dolphins

I can't stand Brady, I can't stand Brusci, I can't stand Belichick, I can't stand any thing about the what the Patriots have become. I miss the days where they were the laughingstock of the league, 2 guaranteed victories (although rarely easy) for the Bills and I miss their comical red uniforms and goofy Patriot Pat logo.

Now they're perceived as a classy team just because they win a lot. There's no doubt that they're great and with a big free agent spending spree (and several crafty trades as well) the Pats will be good again. But there's not much classy about this organization. Nearly everytime I watch them, they're taunting opponents after victory, crying about the refs after losing (which is pretty ironic considering how many wins they have collected over the years with assistance from dubious officiating), and delivering cheap shots.

But none of that matters, as long as they have Brady and Belichick, then they will be a postseason threat - and unfortunately the frontrunners in the AFC East. However, they are without two key cogs in the defense (Harrison and Seymour) for the first quarter of the season and they're schedule is also somewhat difficult. They'll still win 11 or 12 games, but won't be the near perfect juggernaut that some people may think.

As for the rest of the division, the Bills were better than the Jets last year, but New York's schedule was considerably easier. New Jersey (oops, I mean New York) will be better this year and will be head-to-head with my Bills all year long. I think this is the year that Losman out plays the quarterbacks in Miami and New York and that will be enough to boost this young talented roster to second in the division and even be in the wildcard hunt.

Of course, the Bills are one of the teams that are the hardest to predict. The speedy defense could be a ball-hawking unit that gives up some yardage but always comes through in the clutch, or they could be a group of undersized youngsters that get ran all over and keep the equally unpredictable offense of the field. I say "equally unpredictable offense" because nobody knows how much improvement has been made by this year's version of the offensive line. That could make-or-break the rookie season of talented Cal back Marshawn Lynch. I think Lee Evans (and maybe Jason Peters or Derrick Dockery) will make the Pro Bowl and Losman's season will start buzz that he could be a top ten QB and a future Pro Bowler in the Quarterback loaded AFC.

The one constant in Buffalo is that the special teams will be awesome, Moorman is a legend at the punting position and this unit could be responsible for some extra wins and maybe even a few upsets. I just hope that coach Jauron will take a page from the book of Special teams coach Bobby April and play lay off the conservative stuff for some more aggressive and creative options.

I'm thinking 8-8 or 9-7 for the Bills, but since I'm optimistic, I'll send some positive karma to Orchard Park and predict a 9-7 finish for the Bills and a shot at breaking the playoff drought.

As for the Dolphins, they're going to be bad this year. I'll leave it at that.

AFC North
predicted order:
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Baltimore Ravens
3. Cincinnati Bengals
4. Cleveland Browns

The Steelers will surprise this year with a new coach, but the same winning formula: a bonecrunching defense and a solid running game. Big Ben may be slightly overrated (he played horrible in Super Bowl XL and most of last year), but I still believe he's a good quarterback and with solid talent around him he has shown he can win some games.

The Ravens will still have a great defense and will be a tough game on anyone's schedule. But I don't see enough offensive talent for the to continue to be in the same stratosphere as the Big 3 (Colts, Pats, Chargers). Their McOffense, led by McNair and McGahee does not have enough skill to repeat their great season from last year.

The Bengals will be competitive in the division as well, in fact this is a division race that may go down to the final weeks. I could see them finishing with the same record as Baltimore even, but falling to 3rd in the division via the tiebreaker. And the Browns will struggle. I'm hoping that the young nucleus of this team will eventually ripen and turn let Cleveland out of their spot at the top of the draft every year. They will play at a Miami level this year though (which isn't good). But who knows maybe Brady Quinn will turn out to be the QB of the future and will make the citizens of Miami pull a Dexter on new coach Cam Cameron (by the way, Dexter is a great show).

AFC South
predicted order:
1. Indianapolis Colts
2. Houston Texans
3. Jacksonville Jaguars
4. Tennessee Titans

The Colts will dominate, the rest of the division is a toss-up. The Texans have a solid defense and I like their coach so I think they will surprise and finish around 7-9. Jacksonville will take a huge step down and so will the Titans. They'll both have similar records to Houston but none of them will make the playoffs. I really like the tandem of Vince Young and Jeff Fisher and I hate slating them to be last in the division (especially since they played so well against the Bills last year) but I think the overall talent in Nashville isn't sufficient enough to win enough games in this league.

AFC West
predicted order:
1. San Diego Chargers
2. Denver Broncos
3. Oakland Raiders
4. Kansas City Chiefs

The coaching changes in Bolt-land make me nervous, but there's enough talent their to win a Super Bowl. And with the will of players like Tomlinson and Merriman (even if he's not as good as the Steroid Shawne version) could lead to the unthinkable headline: Norv Turner Coaches Chargers to First Super Bowl Victory.

The Broncos will be good again, but will still have to fight for a playoff spot (and will eventually be doomed by their opening day loss to Buffalo?)

Both Oakland and Kansas City appear to be a mess. Poor Lane Kiffin. Poor Larry Johnson.

NFC East
predicted order:
1. Philadelphia Eagles
2. Dallas Cowboys
3. Washington Redskins
4. New York Giants

I don't get what everyone has against Donovon McNabb these days. He'll shut them up this year when he leads a talented Eagles squad back to the Super Bowl.

Dallas will be a streaky team, at times looking like a great team, and at times losing to teams that they should stampede over. In the end, they will fail to meet some lofty expectations and T.O. will blame everyone but himself and either a)star in a ESPN reality show or b) write a crappy egocentric book, in the offseason.

Speaking of failing to meet expectations, this will be the last years coaching in their respective cities for Tom Coughlin and Hall-of-Famer Joe Gibbs.

NFC North
predicted order:
1. Chicago Bears
2. Minnesota Vikings
3. Detroit Lions
4. Green Bay Packers

The Bears won't be as good as last year, but will still dominate the division. The Vikings will win despite some shaky play from Jackson (but will be boosted by super rookie Adrian Peterson) and the Lions and Packers will struggle. Maybe Detroit will even be prompted to extend Matt Millen's contract since that seems to be the tradition after each crappy season his teams have.

NFC South
predicted order:
1. New Orleans Saints
2. Carolina Panthers
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
4. Atlanta Falcons

The Saints will come out on top of the worst division in football. The Saints could go deep into the playoffs again, but I've been surprised to see so many people pick them to not only make it to the Super Bowl, but win it too. They're not that good, and I though that even before Thursday's 41-10 drubbing.

Last years trendy Super Bowl team, the Panthers, will miss the playoffs again this year. I thought Jake Delhomme outplayed Tom Brady in Super Bowl XXXVIII (and that's not a knock against the game's MVP), but he's clearly not the same guy now. He's probably not any better than backup David Carr at this point.

The Bucs could have as many QBs on their roster as wins (4), and the Falcons have Joey Harrington as their starting QB and the lingering effects of Michael Vick's disgusting acts against them.

On a somewhat side note, I recently finished reading A Confederacy of Dunces (a great read), and I thought that would be a great group name for athletes like Vick and (Ms.) Pacman Jones. For example, "wow did you see that Vick got sentenced to five years in prison and was inducted into the Confederacy of Dunces, NFL version. I think it would be fitting for Vick to have to wear a dunce cap around, and occasionally that same dunce cap would be filled with dog feces first (courtesy of the karma police). And my collection of dunces would also include Leonard Little, who is inexplicably still allowed to play football, even though he is responsible for ending someone's life. How can someone feel right about employing that guy, or rooting for him?

Anyway, now that that tangent is over on to the last remaining division:

NFC West
predicted order:
1. Seattle Seahawks
2. St. Louis Rams
3. San Francisco 49ers
4. Arizona Cardinals

This will be another competitive division. Seattle remains the best of the bunch, St. Louis will benefit from an MVP-type season from Steven Jackson, the Niners will be average. They'll show glimpses of taking it to the next level, but everybodys chic pick will disappoint in the end.

Matt Leinart will put up great numbers, he might even sneak into the Pro Bowl. But that won't translate to wins, the Cardinals are a far cry from USC, sorry.

AFC Wildcard teams:
Ravens
Bills (I couldn't resist, besides they need someone to have a little faith in them, they'll be this year's version of last year's Jets...only a little better)

NFC Wildcard teams:
1. Cowboys
2. Rams

Offensive Rookie of the Year:
Adrian Peterson (Lynch will still have an impressive year but won't take home this prize)

Defensive Rookie of the Year:
Paul Posluszny (he will be a tackling machine and an instant fan favorite)

MVP:
Peyton Manning (a boring pick, but he's too good and the Colts are too good. Plus I would make myself sick to the stomach if I picked Brady here)

Super Bowl: San Diego Chargers over Philadelphia Eagles (the heads of analysts everywhere explodes as Norv Turner does the impossible and gets the better of his coaching counterparts named Belichick, Dungy, Billick, Shanahan and Reid).


No matter what happens on opening Sunday it should be a great day. And even if the Bills lose, at least I can still laugh at the end of the day thanks to another grand return: the return of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

And as Larry David would say, this season should be prettay, prettay, prettay, good.

Ready for some football (and lots of beer too)

My NFL preview has been delayed due to work and lack of time on a computer, however, I haven't forgotten the big game tonight and I'm here to make an educated guess on how the season will start.

This should be a good game between two teams that some people say could meet again at the end of the year in Super Bowl XLII (or Super Bowl 42 to the Willis McGahee's of the world trying to decipher the Roman Numerals).

I'm not one of those people.

In fact, I don't have Indy, New Orleans, New England, Chicago or Dallas going to the Super Bowl. But I'll save my pick for the next column(I'll give hint though, it features a suffering fanbase losing to another to a team that will win their first Super Bowl).

As for tonight, I've got to go with the defending champs, Peyton Manning and the Colts. I was even tempting to pick the Colts as repeat champions, if any team can overcome a loaded conference and questionable defense it's Indy and their affable quarterback.

I think they will demonstrate that the AFC still reigns as the premier conference by defeating a very skilled Saints team. There's no question that the Saints are fun to watch (Brees, Bush, Colston) and easy to root for (everyone will continue to rally around New Orleans). And their coach Sean Payton is a perfect fit for the team, it's certainly an interesting coaching matchup between the offensive scientist Payton and the defensive minded, best-selling author Dungy. While Dungy still has a slight edge (based on experience), I would still take Payton over another sophomore head coach, the over-rated Eric Mangini (and I will forever loathe whoever dubbed him the "Mangenius").

Anyway, only 10 minutes until game time and I still have to run out and by some beer, so my prediction: Colts 28 Saints 22

NFL Preview .... Coming Soon

Thursday marks the beginning of another NFL Season, which means another chance for the Buffalo Bills to shock the world and capture Vince Lombardi's Trophy.

So, am I predicting the unthinkable, do I actually think the rookie-laden squad of young Bills can claim sport's ultimate prize?

Well, I'll disclose that in my NFL Preview, which should be posted sometime before the Colts-Saints kick off the season Thursday night. I'll tell you on thing though, my Super Bowl pick does not include the popular pick of Patriots-Saints, I don't think either will get to the Bowl.

Also included in the preview, I'll put down my guesses for each division, awards, the great teams, the bad teams and the teams that everyone thinks will be good, but will suck.

And of course, there will be bonus material, including the beginning of a new era in Pittsburgh, not the Mike Tomlin era. The Steely McBeam era. Yes, it's true one of the most crazed mascots ever was in existence to make the cut in my mascot column in April, but just look at the picture of this guy. He makes the rabid Spurs mascot look like Mickey Mouse. Furthermore, if Steely becomes the first mascot to go on a murderous Grand Theft Auto type rampage because of his Cowher-esque chin and homoerotic name, then I don't tell you that I didn't warn you.

So make sure to check out the upcoming preview, and remember: if Appalachian St. can beat Michigan in the Big House, then why can't an underdog (like the Bills), win the Super Bowl?

I guess that's why they play the games.