Late Birthday Wishes

As you may have noticed from the update in my profile, my birthday was Thursday July 19th (gifts can be mailed to my home in Leicester). As I blew out the candles on my cookie cake (a very underrated cake by the way, I made several wishes. Here they are in no particular order:

A championship from one of my favorite teams (Bills, Sabres or Yankees). This one may seem overly obvious and the same exact wish of the entire male population. Nonetheless, I deserve to celebrate a champion. And as much as I love the Yankees, I think I would like to see one of the Buffalo teams break the Championship seal, it's not like the Yanks are exactly setting the baseball world on fire right now anyway, but if Shelley Duncan can continue to bash balls for the bombers... (and I don't mean bash balls in that way, ok Mr. Hardaway?)

So what are the Bills and/or Sabres chances? Well, we're a ways from either season starting, but as of now, I still think the Sabres have the better chance. Barring some key injuries (which I'm certainly not ruling out) the Sabres seem like a definite playoff team, and from there anything can happen.

On the other side of Western New York, the Bills have a young, promising roster. I trust the personnel on this team and I think J.P. Losman will lead Buffalo back to the playoffs. However, it's hard to tell what will happen. I hope it's the Bills year to finally become "that team" that takes he league by surprise with an unexpected run at the Lombardi Trophy, but I cannot say with full confidence that this will happen. As of right now, I'm thinking a 9-7 season and getting edged out of the playoffs on yet another dubious referee decision

Speaking of refs, wish number two: Certain refs change their ways, and stop screwing over the same teams!

It seems useless and cliched to blame refs, and if your team is winning then you won't notice the flaws as much as the losing side (for examples of this turn to page 136 in the Riding the Pine Sporting Dictionary and search the section labeled New England Patriot fans).

Still, a part of me can't help but wonder if some things may not be as they seem. Especially after the Tim Donaghy NBA scandal. Let's just hope this isn't happening in other sports. Because more scandals like this won't just be blackeye to the NBA (or any other league for that matter), it'll be a blinding blow.

My next wish is that all the news stories containing what I like to call "the usual suspects" cease to exist. This includes anything about people like Pacman Jones, Tank Johnson, TO, Barry Bonds, Ron Artest and the new Keyser Soze of the group: Michael Vick.

I'm sick of these people, and I know you are too. The one good thing is that I may have found a way to circumvent all the hoopla around the usual suspects. I've trained my brain so that any time I hear their names coming from my TV, I immediately break out into a non-life threatening seizure. This method isn't perfect, but it's better than the alternative. As a bonus, I can train other people this skill as well, and maybe even learn to detonate the seizures at the sound of Stephen A. Smith's voice as well.

Well, my birthday thread has turned more negative than I would have like, so this will be my last wish, and I'm about 99% sure it will come to fruition. I wish that the Harry Potter series comes to a satisfying conclusion that is equally as magnificent as the rest of the series. I'm cheating on this a little too, because I'm already 500 pages into the final installment and I can say that it has been excellent (tough to even out down just so I can write this).

And if only I had some magic in me too, the rest of my wishes would come true too...

Who's Now? Who Cares

I know there's not a whole lot of exciting stories going on in the sports world right now, but does ESPN really have to stoop this low?

Of course, I'm talking about ESPN's "Who's Now" segment that let's fans decide who is more "now." This is great, I can't even begin to tell you how many nights I've layed awake wondering who would win a "who's Now" poll between Derek Jeter and Sidney Crosby. If it was who's more accomplished Jeter would win easily, and if it's who has a better future, the answer is Crosby. But since it's a poll that makes no sense and instead of having a real meaning has a vague title (like who's now), it's a toss-up. Or merely a pointless popularity contest, another example of ESPN caring more about names and personalities than quality.

Seriously, when this idea was brought up, the person responsible should have been mocked and ridiculed. Instead we have a segment that it seems like everyone hates (except for the good folks in Bristol apparently). I can't think of anyone I know who thinks this thing is good, relevant or even remotely entertaining. It hypes players like Matt Leinart, who if you ask someone like Trey Wingo, is a great NFL quarterback. He might be someday, but he isn't now. He didn't exactly tear up a mediorce division last year, even with a slew of great weapons. And no one in Buffalo can be "Now" because they are cool enough to be in mentioned by the network that employs hip people like John Clayton and Stat Boy.

Anyway, to mock this once solid network, Riding the Pine has come up with a better version of who's now. Here's a sample of the brackets:

David Beckham vs. Harry Potter

Harry doesn't have much time for Quidditch anymore, but he gets a pass because of the whole Voldemort, saving the Wizard World thing. On the other hand, Beckham is another Brit who has been charged with saving something that is going to be difficult to save. I love soccer, always have, and even I don't care about Beckham playing with the L.A. Galaxy. And Beckham could never catch the Golden Snitch over Harry. I'm not sure but they both might have to deal with witches... (at least the witches in Harry's world aren't embarking on a Spice Girls reunion tour). Advantage: Harry Potter

Willis McGahee vs. My Left Nut

Similar personalities, but at least one can shut up and get the job done. Advantage: Not McGahee

Gary Bettman vs. David Stern

The battle to ruin to great leagues is on. But, there's a clear winner here. Stern managed to banish Bettman to hockey where he has promptly destroyed the NHL and has even managed to have a useless lockout and secure television rights with cable channel 69 in Rochester (also known as VS). His next task: promote Barry Melrose to be his right hand man and personal hair stylist. Advantage: Definitely not fans of the NBA or NHL

America's Got Talent vs. Sportscenter

I could go defecate on the stage and I would be demonstrating more talent than some of the people that have actually appeared on this program, where America's talent is judged by a 2/3s British panel. Of course the real paradox here is, how can three people with so little talent (David Hasslehoff, Sharon Osbourne and the British guy with Simon Cowell pictures stuck up his bum) judge others on their talent? The answer: they can't. Another paradox is: how can a show that features "Who's Now," be included on the list for the "Who's Now" competition? The answer is the same way many people feel about this whole Who's Now scam: Who cares. Advantage: anyone who avoids America's Got Talent

USA, USA, USA!

Just a few quick notes following the Fourth of July:

First off, I can't believe this day has come. The day where Kobayashi failed to win the Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest. But it's certainly about time that an American claimed the title, and he all should be proud of the fact that Joey Chestnut downed 66 dogs in the 12-minute span of the contest.

This contest has a perfect recipe of competitiveness, comedy, grossness and American tradition. In fact, I'm just waiting for this event to be the stage for the next Dodgeball type movie about underdogs. The only question is who would play the part of Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, and who would be Kobayashi? I'm thinking Paul Reubens as Chestnut and Jet Li as Kobayashi. Directed by Ben Stiller. This could follow in the tradition of entertaining/great 4th of July movies like Independence Day and Transformers.


Speaking of Independence Day traditions, we are now well into the 2007 MLB season. Of course, the Yankees season has been a disappointment. They've gotten great play from A-Rod (MVP type year), Jeter, Posada and the occasional gem by a pitcher like Wang. But with such a weak bullpen and inconsistent pitching all around. I'm starting to doubt the Yanks ability to claim the AL Wildcard.

To make matters worse, my fantasy baseball team is struggling even worse than the Steinbrenner's crew. I have some solid pitching in Santana, Verlander, Wang and Oswalt. But injuries (B.J. Ryan) and disappointments have flooded my roster (what was I thinking drafting someone as loony as Manny Ramirez? And taking Santana over A-Rod is proving to be fatal). I cut loose some dead weight (Jermaine Dye, Delmon Young, Richie Sexson) so hopefully I can at least avoid the embarrassment of a last place finish.

And on a final note, I'm happy to find out that as of today Thomas Vanek will be a Sabre for a long time. Buffalo just recently announced that they have matched the Edmonton Oilers offer sheet, meaning that their top goal scorer will remain a Sabre and help to bring a shred of optimism to this dreadful NHL offseason. And of course this means another U.S. victory over Canada.

USA, USA, USA! Now, excuse me, I have some hot dogs to eat and fire works to set off Not really, but you still gotta love this patriotic holiday(that is, unless you're the guy who has to clean up after the Hot Dog eating contest).

State of the Sabres Address II

During today's press conference with Larry Quinn and Darcy Regier, the pair exclaimed that the sky is not falling for the Buffalo Sabres. That may be true, but after the events of yesterday (known around these parts as black Sunday, or maybe it's green Sunday for a certain pair of former Sabres), it's hard to argue that Buffalo's win total won't be falling.

The Sabres have still not made a move, and the free agent market is quickly dwindling. Buffalo can still salvage some extra talent from what's left in the free agent pool (a pool which has been violated by the New York Rangers). But the first priority is to sign restricted free agents Thomas Vanek and Derek Roy. And maybe even try to convince Dainius Zubrus to stick around for a while.

Some quality defenseman still remain possibilities as well: Sheldon Souray (a big guy with a nasty shot, he would be a big asset on the powerplay, Brad Stewart (add some needed toughness). If Teppo Numinen decides he would like to play for at least another year, then he becomes a must sign as well (it seems like every year the eventual Champion has a skilled older player who's never won the Cup. I believe Numinen is that guy for Buffalo).

There are also some long-shot possibilities at forward. I would love to have the Finnish Flash Teemu Selanne for a year or two but I rank this as a long-shot level 9.9 (roughly the same odds that I have scoring a date with Jessica Alba or Ralph Nader becoming President). Selanne is probably going to retire or sign a one-year contract to help defend the Ducks Title, and certainly wouldn't want to relocate across the country. But there's no denying that he would fit in great with the Sabres high octane offense. There aren't many other forwards to go after. There's Brendan Shanahan (probably going to re-sign with New York Ranger$), and there's Michael Peca (you know, that undersized former Sabre captain who's washed up. I hope Flyers fans get used to that sentence because that's how Briere will be described when he's in the middle of that monster contract. Another available center is Alexi Yashin, and I don't think there's many ways to make this offseason worse for the Sabres...unless they sign Yashin, that will make things ten times worse.

I am admittedly bitter towards our former Captains for leaving; however,there's no way I'll ever boo one of these guys. They've helped resurrect the franchise and they entered the lexicon of Sabres that I will always remember. I even believe Briere that he wanted to stay in Buffalo, and left not just because of the large pay increase but also because management made him feel unwanted. Seriously, they couldn't have screwed up that situation any worse than they did. As for Drury, the front office knew the importance of resigning him; unfortunately, so did the front office of the team that he always dreamed of playing for (Damn you Rangers).

So while I woke up this morning hoping that yesterday never happened, or that they discovered that it wasn't really Briere that signed with Philly, but a young French-Canadian child who just looked like the 2007 All-Star Game MVP, I've not reached the point where I'm trying to accept these changes with the team. Like most fans, I even try to talk myself into the possibility that Buffalo will be better of in the long run.

Regier is right though, the sky isn't falling, but you certainly can't blame Sabres fans for wanting an umbrella just in case.

Sabres Update (aka why I'm currently smashing my head on my keyboard)

Well, it's official. Today is one of the worst days in Sabres history.

Chris Drury decided to stay in New York State, but with Buffalo's Eastern Conference rival the New York Rangers. Good thing the NHL robbed us of a year of hockey to get a salary cap and make sure big market teams don't have a huge advantage. Otherwise the Rangers would be able to sign Drury, Scott Gomez, and pay Jagr superstar money. Oh wait, I forgot the NHL is run by the one of the most incompetent commissioners ever Gary Bettman.

I thought the Sabres could at least make a run at Smyth, but he signed with the Avs, Jason Blake (who would have fit in well) signed with another rival in Toronto. Now, like I said earlier I don't think this is the apocalypse for the Sabres, but this certainly is a kick to the groin for the organization. And, trust me, there's no other way to put it - it's the equivalent of someone dangling the fabled Stanley Cup over the heads of the collective Sabres fan base, and when we're looking up, Bettman and some of our biggest rivals come up and decide to smash us in the groin with a hockey stick. Several times too, and then for good measure Danny Briere and Chris Drury come by and run over our hearts with a Zamboni. And I shouldn't say it's the equivalent, because this literally happened to the Blue and Gold faithful.

I'm sure that by the time the season opener rolls around I'll be more confident in the product that the Sabres are putting on the ice, but for now, I can't help what could have (and possibly should have)been...


Thanks for the memories Captain Drury, Captain Briere, you guys will always be Sabres to this guy.

Goodbye Danny B. (Don't Let Drury follow you out the door)

Also in this column: why the Flyers still suck

This moment may have seemed inevitable, but it still is an emotional sting when a beloved Sabre cuts his ties with the blue and gold.

In this case, it's Daniel Briere who has traded in his slug uniform for 52 million dollars and a chance to play for one of the league's worse teams for 8 years (well, I guess the Flyers could get better, but I'm guessing not and I'll explain this more later).

It seems the Sabres low-balled Briere with the 5-year 25 million dollar deal they offered him earlier in the week. The unfortunate irony here is that if they had offered that to him last year he would still be a Sabre and not in the "Screw you Darcy Regier" Club with Marty Biron. This is not to say that Reiger has done a bad job, because he actually has been one of the best, if not the best GM in the league. He built and helped develop this awesome President's Cup winning roster. But when we look back his body of work in a few years, his downfall may prove to be summed up with the mention of one faithful day. That day being today, July 1, 2007.

Of course, today could be the doomsday in Buffalo, but there is still hope. For starters, the Sabres are still a young, supremely talented squad with a clutch Star goalie (ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ryan Miller), and one of the best coaches in the game (take a bow Lindy Ruff, Bryan Murray wishes he had the skills you do). And as of now (5 pm on Sunday), there's still a chance that Captain Clutch himself will still resign with Buffalo. Rampant speculation is that Drury will sign with a west coast team, but I'm still holding out hope that Drury wants to be the guy to bring the Cup to Buffalo. He still hasn't rejected Buffalo's secretive offer to him and maybe if he sees plans to turn City Hall into a giant Stanley Cup replica then that will be the clincher to stay.

And of course, this could all be moot before I'm even done typing this column. So what does Buffalo do if they lose their second captain?

They can always pursue Ryan Smyth. He's a guy with enough heart, skill and ambition to became our newest Chris Drury. Seeing Smyth in a Swords uniform would be the closest thing to erasing the pain of losing two of the most revered hockey players this area has seen in a while. It would almost be like having Daniel Craig replace Pierce Bronson as James Bond. Sure, it seems like the wrong move but in the end, things could get better, the Casino Royale version of the Sabres may even trump the old,loved Goldeneye version of the Sabres (and I'm not going into any Sean Connery version of the Sabres, there's just no need for it).

Still, signing Smyth probably is as likely as getting Drury to resign. In this case, there's not much Buffalo can or should attempt to do in free agency. They could still go after a tough, rugged defensemen (they need some grit in the playoffs) and maybe try to add a player with good size and skill (Zubrus would be a logical choice to stay with the Sabres). And the only other thing to do is pray, pray that their young talent will take it to the next level and the 2007-08 Sabres will be that team that appears worse than the past few years, even struggle a bit, but they put it together in the postseason and some how win a title (you know the type, right 2006 St. Louis Cardinals?).

Before I end this, I wanted to finish my above thoughts and the Philadelphia Flyers. They'll certainly be better next year but when has signing a way several key players from a great team ever won a championship? Ever? Not that I can recall. Stealing away two players from a hated rival may seem like a surefire way to weaken the enemy and create a buzz around your franchise, but I don;t see the aging tandem of Briere and Biron putting the Flyers past the Sabres. In fact, it reminds me a lot of the Bills grabbing Bledsoe and Milloy away from the Patriots. That worked out as well Gobots. Wait, you don't remember Gobots? They were a cheap rip-off of the Transformers. And that's all the Flyers will be, a cheap rip-off of the Sabres.

Now, I just hope I won't be biting my tongue when Gobots the movie comes out next summer.