Riding the Pine

2010 NFL Preview Part 2

2010-09-09T11:32:00.001-07:00

Riding the Pine – 2010 NFL Preview, Pt. 2
Predictions

Before I started this year’s preview, I took at look at some of my previous prognostications. Last year, I was solid in my picks. I had Drew Brees as league MVP, he didn’t win but was (of course) Super Bowl MVP. I was a year early on the Ravens bandwagon, picking them as Super Bowl runner-up to Giants (they started great, but missed the playoffs). I had the Cowboys last in the NFC East (hey, it’s a tough division to pick correctly) and the Jets last in the AFC East (although, my write-up on them was fairly accurate).

I was also a little early on the Packers bandwagon and I made an awesome reference to the Batman villain Bookworm (played by Michael Emerson in Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Follow-up?). Oh, I also totally nailed the fact that the Rams would suck.

AFC East
1. Patriots
2. Jets
3. Bills
4. Dolphins

This division is a victim of groupthink. One person in the media got it in their head that this division has three Super Bowl contenders and the worst team in the league and that idea spread like a zombie plague. Of course, that means it utilizes brain dead and ignores logic.

All four of these teams have flaws, the Bills have been exaggerated and the others have been ignored. The Patriots are still the team to beat in my mind because they have the same coach and quarterback as they have for the past ten years, the same combo that won them a lot of games. They’re far from those championship teams and have a questionable defense, but they have enough firepower to win the division.

The Jets follow that cliché that if enough people buy into a lie (or in this case a misconception), then eventually it’ll be known as truth. That notion is that the Jets are the most talented team in the league and a major Super Bowl contender. They aren’t. I like some moves they made, but Sanchez was brutal last year in the regular season. They let some of their top offensive talent go (Thomas Jones in particular) and signed some “big-name, star-power” players that have the people in New Jersey (and HBO) excited. But those guys (Tomlinson and Taylor) are not in their primes, far from it. HBO shows the Vince Lombardi trophy during the Hard Knocks title sequence, the narrator calls Mark Sanchez a superstar and Rex Ryan says they’re the “best fucking team in football,” and people buy into. I could go on about this, but honestly thinking about the Jets throws my psyche into a Hulk-like state, so I’ll stop.

While the Jets and Patriots will fight at the top of the division, the Bills and Dolphins will battle at the bottom. Like everyone else, I initially had the Bills finishing last (hey, I’m trying to have realistic expectations this year). The Dolphins did pick up two great players in the offseason (Brandon Marshall and Karlos Dansby), in fact, they’re the only team in the division that I can see finishing at anywhere in the division standings. The reason I have them last is because I think they’ll get off to a slow start (their schedule is not kind) and never recover. This includes losing the opener to Buffalo.

Speaking of which, why does everyone think the Phins are world-beaters and the Bills are a 2-14 team (seriously Sports Illustrated, ESPN, CBS Sportssline? Come on!). Last year the Bills and Dolphins split the season series, Miami went 7-9, Buffalo 6-10. The Bills rid themselves of the coaching equivalent of Glenn Beck, a conservative idiot (actually, sorry Dick Jauron, you seem like a nice guy and you’re probably smarting than me, so sorry about that). But speaking of horrible people, Bill Parcells stepped down from his previous role which means that Jeff Ireland – the guy who while conducting a job interview asked someone if there mother was a prostitute- will be the new “mastermind” in South Beach.

So, with every sports media outlet ripping on my favorite team I couldn’t pile on, they’ll still be frustrating and definitely still need a new quarterback. But come on, Chad Henne is no superstar either.

So screw it, I’m not conforming to this groupthink. Bills avoid last place, Jets miss playoffs, Pats exit in first round of playoffs and the people in Miami will only be focused on the Heat come October.

AFC North
1. Ravens
2. Bengals
3. Steelers
4. Browns

I won’t be shocked if the Ravens don’t win this division, but they have momentarily passed the Steelers as the marquee team in the North. Blame Ben Roethlisberger. (By the way, every time I hear his name I now immediately think of the first line in Eminem’s “Almost Famous” – one of the best tracks of the year so far).

I kind of feel bad for Peter King, he’s a great reporter and one of my favorite NFL guys to read, but since he’s a top guy he’s required to make picks. He’s awful at this, but of course, everyone is. But guys like him get ripped by crazy fans, I mean I was fuming pretty good when I saw his 2-14 guess for the Bills. He picked the Steelers to win the Super Bowl and that is not good news for Pittsburgh fans.

After his year stint in Buffalo, I see Terrell Owens in a different light. He really is treated pretty unfairly by the media and I thought he stayed pretty classy in what was a pretty poor position with the Bills. I think he should have a solid year in Cincy (I hope so, he’s on the bench for my fantasy team the Unicorns of Death). The worry about the Bengals (besides the whole legal troubles, clashing personalities thing) is Carson Palmer. He’s still better than a lot of passers, but he seems like he may never be at the level he was before his injury. Even discounting that, there’s just something about the Bengals that I don’t trust and their back-to-back horrible losses to the Jets last year compound that bad feeling.

There’s no denying that Joshua Cribbs is the man and… oh wait, he just decided to take his talents to South Beach. Bummer.

(Sorry. As someone who roots for the Bills and Sabres I should be above poking fun at other fans’ misfortune. But think of it this way, I’m really making fun of LeBron James. (Screw) him! Go Cavs!)

AFC South
1. Colts
2. Titans
3. Texans
4. Jaguars

Where exactly is that hot tub time machine located? I think I’m going to use it to convince Ralph Wilson to never, NEVER let Bill Polian go. Now, the Colts have even locked up Polian’s son. They have Peyton Manning too. My expert take on Manning: he’s good at playing football.

The Texans will make the playoffs at some point, probably this year, but I’ve they’ve burned their bandwagon jumpers too many times for me to hop on. Having said that, they’ll definitely make the playoffs next year…

Vince Young and Chris Johnson make are a solid duo and Jeff Fisher is one of the most underrated coaches in the league. They’re not a title contender but don’t be surprised if they are a playoff team.

Will anyone else be surprised if Jags coach Shooter McGavin is fired at the end of the year? Oh well, at least they have Tyson Alualu!

AFC West
1. Chargers
2. Raiders
3. Chiefs
4. Broncos

The Raiders, Chiefs and Broncos will all be close together in the standings, the drama will be akin to The Celebrity Apprentice (no one will care). Jason Campbell has had horrible luck in his career and being with the Raiders doesn’t change that. Still, I’m glad the Bills didn’t trade for him; he’s very similar to Trent Edwards and I can’t ever see him starting on a championship team. I can see Philip Rivers starting on a champion, but Norv Turner coaching a team to the ultimate ticker-tape parade? Nope.

I like the young playmakers on the Chiefs (this is my debut fantasy season and Jamaal Charles is on my squad. Dexter McCluster is a potential steal as well). I just don’t trust Cassel and they’ve missed a little too often on early draft picks.

The Raiders will be improved, but people are going a little crazy with this Jason Campbell/savior thing. He was the leader of a 4-12 team, he’s basically the same player as Trent Edwards (not a good thing).

Since Josh McDaniels became the man in Denver they’ve made some puzzling move. Maybe a few years from now the Tebow pick will be proven as a brilliant move and the former Gator will help people forget the front office’s other gaffes… but for now the Broncos will be at (or near) the bottom of the division.

NFC East
1. Cowboys
2. Giants
3. Redskins
4. Eagles

The Cowboys hype really is insufferable. Every year they’re pick to win the Super Bowl really for no reason, beside the fact that they have stars on their helmets. I’m picking them to be first in the division, but that’s mainly because these teams are so evenly matched and I’m just going with the fact that usually teams I hate have a lot of success.

I don’t know what to make of the Giants, they played like a team that didn’t care at the end of last year. I think they’ll be back in the playoffs this year though. Eli is no Peyton, but that’s OK, he’s still very good.

My feeling on the Eagles is that they’re going to miss McNabb now that he’s gone. They won’t really regret getting rid of him because it was probably the right choice to see what they have in Kevin Kolb, still, the chances that he’ll become another Aaron Rodgers seems unlikely. Remember, Kolb is from the 2007 draft class, the same class that produced JaMarcus Russell, Brady Quinn, John Beck (my favorite Dolphin of all time), Trent Edwards and a bunch of other guys who suck. Just saying…

I wanted the Bills to get both McNabb and Shanahan. They both went to Washington. Screw them.

NFC North
1. Packers
2. Vikings
3. Lions
4. Bears

I had the Packers pegged as a Super Bowl team months before writing this. At some point the passed the Saints as the best team in the NFC (in perception, not reality that is). Aaron Rodgers, if he stays healthy will have MVP numbers, and yes, it pisses me off that the Bills still haven’t found someone to replace Jim Kelly yet Green Bay somehow found Favre 2.0. Essentially, Rodgers is like the Packers Curb Your Enthusiasm.

The Vikings seem like they’re poised to slip a little, but they aren’t going to ship the division title belt over to Green Bay without an epic fight. Pack vs. Vikes is definitely must-see football.

The Lions have some key building blocks on their road to recovery – Calvin Johnson, Jahvid Best, Ndamukong Suh and most importantly, Matthew Stafford. If Stafford ends up as a bust, well, I don’t think Lions fans want to think about that prospect. Personally, I don’t think he’ll be a bust, just a lesser version of Drew Bledsoe (Hey, Bledsoe was pretty good during his peak).

I just have a bad feeling about the Bears, but hey, at least their quarterback doesn’t have a Justin Bieber haircut…

NFC South
1. Saints
2. Falcons
3. Panthers
4. Buccaneers

I flirted with the idea of putting the Falcons on top of the division solely because the NFC South has been wildly unpredictable. I can’t find a great reason why the Saints wouldn’t top the South, yet I said the same thing about last year’s defending Super Bowl champion (the Steelers finished third in the AFC North in 2009).

I wanted the Bills to draft Jimmy Clausen and he could be real good for the Panthers, the main reason why he might not is because of Matt Moore. I could see Moore quietly having a stellar season and helping turn the Panthers back into a dangerous opponent for other teams. I see some similarities between Moore and Romo, of course having to play the Saints and Falcons twice each is a tough task. I included the Falcons in there because they could surprise some people this year.

Tampa Bay is my pick for the number one overall pick. I can’t really specify exactly why (I don’t watch much Buc ball, so they could surprise me), I just don’t like their roster, Josh Freeman’s accuracy reminds me of J.P. Losman and this will keep to my theme of Florida teams finishing in last place.

NFC West
1. 49ers
2. Seahawks
3. Cardinals
4. Rams

Patrick Willis will have a Darrelle Revis-like boost to superstardom this year and the Niners will win pretty much win this division by default. You got to love Mike Singletary as a coach, but at the same time I can’t see them getting past the first round with Alex Smith at QB (I know he supposedly had a resurgent season last year, but I’ve seen that from other failed QBs too).

The Cardinals lost too much talent at key spots to be a serious playoff contender (Kurt Warner, Karlos Dansby, Anquan Boldin) and they’re basically going to have to hope Max Hall is the next Warner to have any success in the near future.

The major question in Seattle is, what week will it be before fans are starting websites like gobacktousc.com and firecarroll.org. I’m saying he goes strong until Week 11.

And the Rams… they’ve won six games the last three years and lost 1,458 (I didn’t look up that number, but seems about right). The bright side? I feel there’s a really Rams-based good drinking game waiting to be created, cease the day Ram fans!

MVP
Aaron Rodgers

I started the Rodgers for MVP bandwagon, I swear.

Offensive Rookie of the Year
C.J. Spiller

Ryan Matthews and Jahvid Best are solid bets too, but I got to be a homer hear and pick Spiller. He’s going to become a superstar and make Bills games exciting again. Even in preseason you could hear the home crowd’s excitement every time he touched the ball. I’ve always been a fan of running backs and especially speedy, highlight reel players, I’m beyond pumped that the Bills finally have one. Seriously, I’m guessing Spiller will be on the cover of Madden 14. (Right after him and Andrew Luck lead the Bills to a shocking Super Bowl victory?)

Defensive Rookie of the Year
Brandon Graham

It’ll be close between Graham and Suh, the former Michigan star will win because he’ll wreak some havoc on quarterback in Philadelphia’s system.

Super Bowl
Colts vs. Packers…. Wait, no, that’s too easy. I had the Packers pegged as a Super Bowl team since the season ended but now the trendy pick. That never works out. For the past few years, the pattern has been a mainstay franchise in the AFC and a surprise in the NFC. So..

Colts vs. Falcons

The year of Matt Ryan! Almost. He has a monster postseason, people start picking the Falcons to upset the Colts just to be different. But we’re do for a vengeance season from a Super Bowl loser. This time the Colts don’t let an NFC South surprise wrestle the championship away from them.

Super Bowl Champion: Colts

P.S. Isn’t it great to have football back?

The Riding the Pine 2010 NFL Preview, Part I: State of the Bills Address

2010-09-01T17:53:00.000-07:00

I started playing Words with Friends (Scrabble) about a week ago. It’s definitely addicting … it’s also unbelievably frustrating at times. It’s not hard to figure out where I’ve had that feeling before.

For the past decade, the Buffalo Bills have not been epically bad; they rarely got to that Detroit Lions-level of ineptitude. And that’s one of the more frustrating parts. Since they’ve been stuck in an abyss of mediocrity they haven’t gotten a shot at a truly elite quarterback prospect. (Note: they did have the number four overall pick in 2002. “Starter for the next ten years at tackle” Mike Williams was the pick. Yeah…) (Note II: I don’t want them to be bad just to get a good draft pick, which would be ridiculous. I’m just pointing out that if your team does happen to stink at the right time it could great benefit them, particularly if they get someone like, say, Peyton Manning.) Plus, there’s always just enough hope that the Bills will be the surprise team of the year and end that playoff drought, or find their version of Kurt Warner.

Soon, you realize it’s not going to happen. And that sucks. So, what is it, bad luck? Horrible ownership? A curse? All of the above?

Luck is certainly part of it, but it’s easy to blame bad luck. Just like when I lose in Words with Friends because my opponent scored 35 points of the word “qat” (sounds made up, in fact even my Word spellchecker thinks it’s made up) or the computer gives me all consonants, my initial reaction is to call shenanigans. We’re always quick to blame outside factors, refs especially, are a constant target of mine. That’s too easy though, luck is important to success but so is hiring talented people to run your team. I don’t feel the Bills have taken a proactive, win-at-all-costs approach to their business lately. It’s shown.

I mean, even I started using “qat” against my opponents.

You don’t want to rely too heavily on mirroring another team’s success, but it can’t hurt to take a peek at the blueprint. The Bills, Ralph Wilson in particular, seem content on doing their own thing. Hire a retired, 70-year old rookie GM, why not? Ignore the tackle and quarterback positions? Sure. The teams that have turned around their franchises quickly (I’m thinking of Miami and Atlanta primarily) took similar approaches to each other and pretty much the opposite approach as Buffalo.

Miami and Atlanta did go in different directions regarding their general manager picks, though both worked out and both drew off the concept of hiring someone from a successful environment. The Dolphins snagged Bill Parcells (a move the Bills couldn’t make if they tried. Which they probably wouldn’t try). The Falcons picked a promising talent from a winning franchise, Thomas Dimitroff, formerly of New England. This is what I was hoping the Bills would do (although, to be fair, I’ll definitely give Buddy Nix a shot, and bringing former Steeler Doug Whaley into the mix looks to be a solid move as well). They also drafted franchise players (Jake Long and Matt Ryan). Of course, that again brings me back to the point that the Bills haven’t been bad enough to warrant a draft pick that can get them a talent like Ryan or Long. Still, they’ve pretty much ignored those two positions, I mean, there has to be some way to improve them, right?

The Jets got the quarterback they wanted by ripping off a stupid team. I wish the Bills would make more trades simply because if you go after the incompetent GM’s you can really help yourselves out. For instance, the Jets trading from the 17th overall pick to the 5th to get Sanchez and did this without having to give up the next year’s first round pick. They just traded the Browns a bunch of backups and scrubs that Eric Mangini liked (horrible). I fear though that the problem is this: the Bills are one of those stupid teams. They’re more likely to get ripped off than to take advantage of another team’s moronic tendencies. A look at their recent drafts really lends creditability to the “stupid team” theory.

Before the 2010 draft, I wrote a column campaigning for the Bills to select Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen. To my delight, Clausen was available with the number nine overall pick (remember, leading up to the draft, this was very much in doubt). The Bills practically sprinted to the podium and I thought, “Yes, we have our quarterback.” But I was also reading the ESPN live draft chat as I was watching. The guy on there had been announcing the picks before they were actually made… he said the Bills were picking Clemson’s C.J. Spiller, the top rated running back. I was not happy. Like a lot of Bills fans I scoffed at this pick because they simply did not need another running back.

Needless to say, by the time the second round was ready to start the next day, I had watched enough Spiller YouTube highlights to get excited. Now, at this point, I believe it’s going to turn out to be a great pick. Spiller looks like a future superstar, he certainly could turn into one of the most exciting players in the league and a future Madden-cover candidate (well, you know, if it weren’t for the “No Bills allowed” rule).

I’ll have more on Spiller later in part II, but for all the potential he has, I still have this irksome feeling that the Bills missed a great opportunity in the draft. After Clausen slipped out of the first round, I desperately wanted the Bills to trade up and get their franchise guy. Spiller and Clausen would be the future of offense in Buffalo and a great start to getting this team back to the Super Bowl. When both Clausen and Colt McCoy fell to the second round I couldn’t believe it, finally some luck for the Bills. And then…

The Bills selected Torrell Troup. I couldn’t (and still can't) shake that nagging feeling that the Bills just made one of the moves that you look back on and say, “Oh, we could have had (whoever).” Like picking Mike Williams over Dwight Freeney, Donte Whitner over Haloti Ngata, Marshawn Lynch over Darrelle Revis, you get the point, there’s a lot of them. I know the Bills needed a nose tackle and the P.R. people at Buffalo tell me he’s going to be very good, and he better be. They need him to be a Pro Bowler. By the time the third round rolled along, I knew they weren’t picking a quarterback. Colt McCoy was there, but obviously he, nor any passer in this draft, were thought of as franchise guys by the Bills’ brass.

I realize that Buddy Nix knows way more about football than myself. I mean, I would have taken a guy who lasted until pick 48 over the electric Spiller. As a scout, Nix has that he has a keen eye for talent, but still, why completely ignore the quarterback position? And the left tackle position? The Edwards/Bell combination does not inspire confidence from Bills nation.

Not to mention, waiting until next year to get your quarterback seems very risky (might I add, a strategy that many Bills fans actually wanted). I’m not that confident that they will pick the right guy. We can pray that Brian Brohm suddenly looks like the Louisville All-Star or that Levi Brown is a Tom Brady, Kurt Warner or even Tony Romo type steal. I just can’t buy into the fact that Trent Edwards is the answer. Obviously, I’d love to see him become that franchise guy that Buffalo desperately craves, I would just be shocked if it actually happens.

What about next year’s draft? People are already talking about Locker, Mallett, Ponder, Luck, etc. I’ll try to pay attention to these guys throughout the year because one them should end up as the Bills future passer/savior. Personally, I prefer Andrew Luck just because of his awesome name. Think about it, what great quarterback didn’t have an awesome name? The name is very important, plus I can already envision this lede a couple years from now:

All it took for the Buffalo Bills to finally win the Super Bowl was a little Luck.

Andrew Luck led Buffalo with …. (blah, blah, whatever, I’ll be to drunk and my eyes will be too blurry with tears to read the rest, but I think you get my point).

My only other suggestion for the Bills is something I tweeted a couple weeks ago: hire the guys from Inception. If you could plant ideas in Bill Polian’s head to trade Peyton Manning for Trent Edwards or go into Rex Ryan’s dreams and convince him to become a mime, you’d have to do it. But the more I thought about it, this would be considered cheating and in that case Bill Belichick would have already tried it.

Predictions coming in Part II.

Photo credit: Mike Groll The Associated Press

Time to circle the wagons

2010-04-18T10:28:00.000-07:00

There’s a scene in Kick-Ass (which if you haven’t seen it, you should because it’s awesome) that reminded me of the Buffalo Bills. More specifically what it has felt like to root for them for this past decade.

The scene is Kick-Ass’ first fight (small spoiler here, by the way), it’s against those two thugs in the parking lot. Those same guys harassed the non-costumed Kick-Ass and his friend earlier and stole their wallets. Let’s say for this analogy the two criminals are, I don’t know, Bill Belichick and Tom Brady and Kick-Ass is the Bills. The audience represents Bills fans.

They start fighting and you might be thinking that the crazy underdog in the funny looking costume might actually win. He has his batons, he looks surprising skilled and might be on the verge of kicking some ass. And right when you start thinking this, one of the thugs (Belichick) pulls a knife and stabs him in the stomach. A cheap tactic for sure, but it doesn’t matter, the fight’s over. The would-be carjackers run away and our hero is left there bleeding freely from his wound. Bills fans are thinking this bad, this can’t get worse…. and then he gets ran over by a car.

And that’s where we are as Bills fans, the team we root for is a seemingly impossible, bloody mess that desperately needs to be fixed up and made stronger. They need a heavy dose of adamantium in their bones. That process starts with this year’s draft. This has to be the turning point, the time when this team gets an identity. And the only way to do that is to get a franchise quarterback.

I’ve heard that this is one of the strongest overall drafts that we’ve seen in a while, but that the quarterback class is a weak spot. I’m no scout (obviously), yet I think it’s vital that the Bills get one of the top four QB’s in the draft (Sam Bradford, Jimmy Clausen, Colt McCoy, Tim Tebow). I actually like this class and think all these guys have Pro Bowl potential (for more, you should definitely check out ESPN’s excellent feature, QB Camp with Jon Gruden).

The guy I really want to see the Bills draft is the former Notre Dame star, Clausen. He’s got a strong, but far from elite arm, but more importantly he’s a very accurate passer. He completed 68% of his passes last year, played through a tough toe injury and from what I’ve read, he was deadly in clutch scenarios. So to recap, excellent accurate, tough, plays well under pressure and possibly ready to start immediately.

The negatives that people list seem mostly superficial. These supposed flaws are that he’s cocky, or a questionable leader or that he has “hit his ceiling.” Being cocky isn’t a bad thing, the last great Bills quarterback, a guy named Jim Kelly, was fairly cocky too. The leadership thing seems off too, in fact a lot of it seems made up by guys like ESPN’s Todd McShay. I trust that Buddy Nix and crew will trust what Clausen’s Notre Dame teammates and coaches say over something a phony scout says. I also find it very hard to believe that someone who is 22 has “reached their ceiling.” That just makes no sense to me. He does have some legitimate flaws in his game (footwork, pocket presence, too much touch on the deep ball), but that’s why good coaching is so vital to a young quarterback. Hopefully, the Bills have the proper coaching to teach their new young gun.

Some Bills fans don’t like the guy simply because he’s goofy looking. Now that’s something I could care less about. Whether he looks like Jeff Spicoli or an angry ostrich it’s irrelevant. Actually, I can see it playing out as Clausen being the guy that Patriot, Dolphin and Jets fans hate. I want him to be the guy who they constantly want to punch in the face or always say, “oh, he’s not that good, he’s just overrated.” Because isn’t that what fans say of other great players? If he’s on one of your division rivals, you either hate him with a passion or you make excuses why he always beats your team. Do you know how many times I’ve heard someone say that Tom Brady or Sidney Crosby is overrated, or just a product of the system? Just trust me, this is a subject I’m all too familiar with. I just want some of these guys on one of my favorite teams. Hopefully, Clausen will be that “overrated, lucky” guy for the Bills. But, how will we get to that point?

Bradford will most likely be picked first. I could see Clausen eventually being better than him , but I can also see Bradford turning out like another recent Oklahoma offensive star with injury concerns, Adrian Peterson. Playing in a dome and a weak division, I think there’s a good chance of success for Bradford and he would be a good, but expensive pick-up for the Rams. A couple months ago, I thought Clausen would never make it to Buffalo’s pick. Washington and Seattle seemed like certainties to select the Irish star. But these teams gave up a lot (from a draft and financial standpoint) in Don McNabb (who I really wanted to see in a Bills uniform) and Charlie Whitehurst, respectfully. That leaves Cleveland, Oakland as threats or a team like the 49ers leapfrogging Buffalo. I wouldn’t be upset if Buffalo moved up a few spots to ensure they get their quarterback.

Now, with the past Bills regime, I couldn’t trust them not to screw up the draft. I’ll give Buddy Nix, Chan Gailey and crew the benefit of the doubt here, but if they have a chance to select a franchise quarterback and pass… let’s just say I’ll have a new hole in my wall. I know a lot of people are saying they need a left tackle at nine and then simply select Colt McCoy or Tim Tebow in the second round. I agree that the Bills have a desperate need for a left tackle and I see the McCoy/Drew Brees comparisons, but there are a few problems with that strategy. A number of the teams picking in front of Buffalo will also be looking at left tackles and with no truly elite players at that position can the Bills really afford to take the 4th best tackle prospect with the ninth pick just to fill a need. And there’s no way that Tebow and McCoy are still there for the Bills 41st overall, second round pick (too many teams have a QB need and these are two of the most high-profile college players in recent memory). So the Bills would have to trade back to the first round or early second round (like the 33rd overall pick, also where Drew Brees was selected). That would cost a lot (more then moving up from nine to say, six) and the Bills have so many holes to fill they can’t give up that many picks for someone like Tebow, who could be a long-term project (albeit with superstar potential).

The most frustrating thing I’ve heard from fellow Bills fans is to not select a quarterback this year, build up the rest of the team, and then draft Jake Locker or Ryan Mallett next year. This strategy is so asinine it makes my head hurt. First off, you can’t pass on a franchise QB. The Rams have done this the past few years, they’ve taken the “safe, can’t-miss” prospects like Chris Long and Jason Smith and passed on “risks” like Matt Ryan and Mark Sanchez. By the way, the Rams have won six games, total, the past three years. Awful. And Bills fans want to replicate the Rams strategy? Plus, these supposedly safe picks are just as risky as a quarterback. Also, as bad as the Bills have bad this past decade, they’re not on the level of the Lions, Rams, Raiders. Those teams have consistently picked in the top three picks while the Bills manage to win just enough to select in the 9-15 range and miss out on top passing prospects (or they reach on a guy like J.P. Losman and then pass on guys like Jay Cutler because they have Losman, ugh). So they have no guarantee to pick the top guy next year and they certainly don’t know if these guys will be better than someone like Clausen, or even McCoy.

Buddy Nix has been part of some stellar drafts in San Diego (including picking Brees, Tomlinson and Rivers), so I can only hope that he had more influence on those drafts then we think and that he’s an exceptional judge of quarterback talent. I wasn’t thrilled with him being named GM (I’m a little skeptical about a previously retired 70-year old just now getting his first GM gig), but I’ll give the guy a chance. I was pissed when I heard they hired Chan Gailey as head coach, I absolutely hated that move and it makes me nervous that there are reports that state he wants an athletic QB in the middle rounds of the draft (like Jarrett Brown). There’s even a report from Mike Lombardi (from National Football Post, and a guy who I thought the Bills should have considered for GM) that Gailey passed on Brees in Miami because they already had Ray Lucas. Yikes. So, I do have a nagging feeling that they’ll screw up this draft or take the St. Louis Ram approach, but then again, those guys know way, way, way more about football than I do, so I’ll trust them for now.

We know this; it should be an exciting draft with plenty of stars (Suh, Berry, Spiller, etc.) and some bad teams are going to make that move to jump out of the NFL’s cellar, hopefully New York state’s only team is one of them. It’s time for the Bills to circle the wagon and get their franchise quarterback. And maybe the next time someone uses an analogy from Kick-Ass to describe Buffalo, they’ll be comparing the Bills to Hit-Girl.

Rochester Red Wings: A Guide to Opening Day

2010-04-16T07:34:00.000-07:00

Note: This article is (a slightly modified, longer version) from the April 15 of the insider, so pick one up or visit: http://rochester.metromix.com

Baseball is back and so are the Rochester Red Wings. The home opener is April 17 and if you’re considering going but lack the proper baseball knowledge,
here’s a guide of things-to-know about Frontier Field, along with some insider Red Wings knowledge to impress your friends (or date) in-between innings.

The Stadium
For the most part, all fans that go to a game share a similar goal: to see their team win… and to catch a foul ball.

The grass berm area (lawn areas below the stands) on both the first-base and third-base side is one of the better spots to get that elusive foul ball, says General Manager Dan Mason. So, what are some tips to successfully nab one of these foul balls? “Definitely bring a glove and a hat, just in case it’s sunny,” Mason says. “A lot of people don’t pay attention, they may still end up with a foul ball because it ended up in their lap or food or something. But if you’re paying attention, you’re going to know where (the ball) is going.”

He adds that the berms and the seats next to the dugouts – specifically the Red Wings’ dugout – are some of the most sought after seats. There is also a fan zone couch section in the outfield (the “couch potato,” $55 for five tickets but sold-out for the opener) and the Patio Enclosures Power Alley Grille at the 385-foot mark in right-center field – the same spot where the Frontier Field hot tub used to sit (rental is $1650 for 40 tickets and all-you-can-eat food package).

The Red Wings will continue another beloved baseball tradition this year as well – free giveaways. “For opening day, we’re doing a cowbell giveaway,” says Director of Promotions Matt Cipro. “Always on opening day we giveaway something that encourages the fans to cheer, get loud and support the team. We find that the cowbells come back game after game.” And yes, the popular Will Ferrell/cowbell Saturday Night Live clip will be displayed on the scoreboard.

Other summer promotions include, magnetic schedule giveaways, fleece blankets, baseball caps and gloves for kids, baseball cards, t-shirts, backpacks, fireworks every Friday and Saturday night, appearances by former players and a pre-game autograph tent.

Behind-the-scene MVP’s
Dave McAlpin, 25, teaches Physical Education at Monroe #1 BOCES during the day, but at night (and during the summer) he has an alter ego. He’s not a superhero, but he’s involved in one of sports most beloved and fan-friendly aspects – the mascot.

“It’s interesting having the suit on because everyone you see has some sort of reaction to you and you need to react to them as well,” he says about becoming the Wings’ mascot Spikes. McAlpin has some advice for the aspiring mascots out there too: “I always make sure to drink plenty of water before, during and after the game. You sweat a whole lot in the suit and if you don’t stay hydrated you start to feel a little woozy.”

Spikes does have help though. Amanda Prosser, 25, is the woman behind his sidekick, Mittsy. “Maybe I’ll have a bad day or be tired or stressed, but then I put the suit on and I’m automatically in a better mood,” she says. “People are smiling and laughing and it makes me feel better.”

This is McAlpin’s seventh season as the Wings male mascot and Prosser’s sixth as Mittsy. They’ve known each other since high school and have a good report with each other, but is there room for more in the Wings’ mascot family?

“Well, we haven’t really developed a relationship between (Spikes and Mittsy). Right now they’re just friends,” says Cipro, but he does offer up a teaser. “There will be a sort of mascot-related, player-related surprise on opening night. Something (fans) have seen around baseball, but never hear in Rochester.”

One thing that Rochester (and Buffalo) fans have seen many times is a certain vendor who sells beer, peanuts, popcorn and pixie sticks. His name is Tom Girot, and he’s better known as the “conehead.”

“Conehead is our most recognizable vendor,” says Mason. “He has quite a following among our fans.” Girot explains that his legendary run began as a simple Halloween purchase.

“I started wearing it in 1978. It was the first year I was married and the Coneheads were popular on Saturday Night Live. My wife bought a conehead and wore it to work and they ended up on the news. It was Halloween time and there was a Bills game that Sunday so I decided to wear it to the game,” Girot says. “I was kind of upset that she spent $20 on a piece of junk and I figured, ‘well, I better get some kind of use out of this’ and over the years I certainly have.”

Girot doesn’t do a Dan Aykroyd impression but he does offer up the Conehead guarantee, “Get a warm beer from me you drink it for free.”

Aside from the comforting yell of the vendors, another familiar Frontier Field sound is that of organist Fred Costello. He’s turned down five major-league teams – including the Yankees and Mets – to stay with the Wings (he also occasionally plays for the Buffalo Sabres).

Costello, McAlpin, Prosser and Girot all certainly play the part of the unsung heroes for the fans at the ballpark, but the players have their own unsung hero; Dr. Michael Mayer – the team dentist.

“Many of (the players) aren’t from this area and don’t have a dentist locally. They’re here from April to September and a lot of them have needs that need to be taken care of,” says Mayer. “We’ve had to deal with chipped teeth and lost fillings through the habits of chewing (sunflower) seeds and gum. We do some teeth whitening too because a lot of these guys are on baseball cards or other photos and they want their teeth to look nice and white.”

Refreshments
The assortment of food and beverages at the stadium aren’t exactly a dentist’s dream, but there’s something for every other fan. In the concourse area is ‘Sup Dog – a variety of hot dogs including the plate dog (think garbage plate) and the DiMaggio dog (peppers, onions and home fries). There’s also pizza, burgers, pulled pork, cheesesteaks, nachos, subs, wraps, fish, ice cream, a Red Osier stand and an allergen (gluten, dairy, nut) free stand called “Free.”

To quench your thirst there’s water, soda, coffee and beer (including the exclusive Rohrbach-brewed Red Wing “Red” Ale, Labatt, Bud and Genny). The Wings also have their own bar located in the stadium, The 10th Inning Bar, located at the end of the concourse. It includes, flat-screen TV’s and is also in a spot where you can just walk around the corner and still see the action in the Wings game. “It stays open – depending on the night- a half-hour to an hour after the game,” Cipro says.

Date Night
Taking a date to a ballgame is a nice alternative to being stuck in a movie theater or restaurant, especially when the weather is nice. Here’s a few things-to-know about a Red Wings date night (and how to avoid any Bill Buckner-type errors).

The grass berms are perfect for a picnic date. If you’re at the berm on the third-base side just remember to avoid the jokes at the expense of the “nut-free” zone signs (they’re for people with peanut allergies). Be alert for those foul balls too, your night will be over quickly if your date has the stitching from a baseball tattooed to his/her forehead. However, retrieving a foul ball for your date could be a romantic gesture. Tip: although it may seem like a good idea at first, beating up the little-league crowd to retrieve said foul ball is not romantic.

Frontier Field doesn’t have a kiss-cam, and that’s good news for your date. This will help avoid that whole awkward situation of having your first kiss be a clash of beer breath and relish mouth in front of 10,000 people. They do have a smile-cam, however. That’s manageable (as long as you’re careful with the mustard that is).

There’s plenty of time for conversation at a baseball date too. Sprinkling in the occasional baseball facts or Red Wings tidbits is good conversation fodder, but if you start debating the merits of a player’s on-base percentage versus slugging percentage then you might be losing your date. (Unless he/she is in several fantasy leagues…) The seventh-inning stretch is a good time to check out the Frontier Field bar (The 10th Inning) and buy your date a drink. If things are going well, a blowout (in favor of the Wings of course) can be your ally. You’ll have a valid reason to leave early and continue your date elsewhere. And if you go to a Friday or Saturday night game, you can close out the date by staying and watching the fireworks at the end of the game together. Have fun, and one last thing to remember (and this is important): no baseball metaphors for sex. You won’t be “scoring” or “getting to third-base” that way – you’ll just be left on the bench.

Players to Watch
General Manager Dan Mason says to keep an eye on these Wings: SS Trevor Plouffe, 3B Danny Valencia, C Wilson Ramos, P Anthony Swarzak, P Jeff Manship, P Anthony Slama

Game Day
What: Rochester Red Wings home opener versus Pawtucket Red Sox.
When: 4:05 p.m. Saturday, April 17. Doors open at 2:30 p.m.
Where: Frontier Field – 1 Morrie Silver Way
Ticket prices: $8-$12 for reserved, upper-deck and/or premium seats.
Parking: Parking lots around the stadium.

"We're gonna win that cup!"

2010-04-14T12:58:00.000-07:00

Is this the year of the "loser cities?"

I interviewed Tom "Conehead" Girot - a popular vendor at Sabres, Bills, Rochester Red Wings games - a couple weeks ago and the conversation turned to the Buffalo Sabres' Cup chances. He told me that he's hoping this will be the year of the "loser cities." He explained, New Orleans won the Super Bowl to start the trend, the Lebron James led Cleveland Cavaliers are favorites to win the NBA title and the Sabres have the "best player, at the most important position” (goalie Ryan Miller).

Is this possible? Absolutely. But as a Buffalo fan, I have to stay cautiously optimistic. During their 2006 Cup run, I was convinced they would win it all. They would have too, if their entire defense didn’t get injured at the same time. So every time these crazy visions of Ryan Miller, Lindy Ruff and crew lifting the Cup flood into my head I try to justify my expectations. After all, there are more talented teams out there and Buffalo teams are notoriously unlucky. There title hopes usually end up like Jack Bauer’s love life (spoiler: things go horribly wrong).

One of the best opening scenarios for the Sabres is they dispatch of Boston fairly quickly. Any playoff series is nerve-racking. My guess is the Sabres will win in six, but it will be tough. Still, I’m surprised by how many people I’ve seen picking the Bruins to win. Three out of six Sports Illustrated prognosticators are picking the Bruins (usually in six, sometimes seven) and most of the people that have Buffalo winning say it will take seven games. None have the Sabres making it past the second round (they all have the Devils beating the Sabres in seven). But I guess it does make sense to have the worst offensive team in the league (statically that is, the Bruins scored the least amount of goals out of every team in the league) upsetting the team with the best goalie.. (flawless logic obviously.)

Now, I’m being pretty condescending about Boston’s chances but the truth is they’re a division rival with an excellent goalie (surprise, it’s the rookie Rask and not last year’s Vezina winner Tim Thomas) and a very good defense (Along with Chris Neil, Chara is one of my least favorite players). Plus, it’s the playoffs. Anything can happen.

My other gripe with these ESPN and SI playoff previews is how almost all of them state this series as a bore. The Sabres aren’t the offensive powerhouse of a few years ago, but they aren’t too bad and like every Sabres fan, I’m hoping superstar Thomas Vanek will catch fire. Anyway, these games are probably going to be low scoring but that doesn’t make them boring. This is going to be physical, tense playoff hockey and I’m pumped for it. I think all these games will be close – maybe some overtime thrillers – and that certainly isn’t boring.

If all the top seeds win in the East, that wouldn’t be too bad for the Sabres. I think they can beat the Devils and I feel better playing them than Pittsburgh, Washington or Ottawa. The Flyers were 5-1 against the Devils during the regular season (edit: and they won Game 1), so if they upset the Devils, it’s most likely Buffalo will play Ottawa or Pittsburgh. I actually would rather play Ottawa. Crosby just seems to have the Sabres number during crunch time. Either way, if the Sabres are to finally capture that elusive Cup, it makes sense that they would have to go through either one of their biggest rivals (Ottawa) or through the defending champs (Pittsburgh).

If the Sabres return to the Eastern Conference Finals (and as crazy as it may sound, I think they will), then things get tricky. Now I know that the President’s Trophy winning team has struggled to capture the Cup in the past, but I can’t pick against Washington at this point. I don’t see them as the offensive juggernaut with questionable goaltending that’s fated to get upset. I see them more like the Detroit Red Wings of the past two years. A supremely talented team with a good – not great – goaltender that steps up and separates themselves from the pack. Of course, Detroit did have more playoff experience and they still lost to the Penguins last year. So there’s that. If the Sabres run into the Caps, it will be in the Eastern Conference Finals and they’ll need the offense to step up, for Miller to play out of his mind (again) and for a little bit of luck. I’ll go for a reverse jinx/safe, predictable choice and say that Washington will win.

A lot of casual hockey fans are looking for the marquee matchups i.e. Ovechkin vs. Crosby, Caps vs. Blackhawks or Wings. But that doesn’t happen that often. It has happened the past two years with Red Wings-Pens, but I’m going on a limb and say that the Western Conference champion will be… Phoenix.

Yep. Aside from Detroit, they’re the hottest team in the league. Everyone is picking the Wings to beat them, but I see the Coyotes as that random warm-weather team that makes a surprise run to the Cup (like Tampa Bay, Anaheim and, ugh, Carolina). The West is going to be wild this year though, I could see Vancouver emerging too or favorites like Chicago and Detroit making the finals, or even the alleged postseason challenged, one-seed San Jose Sharks. Then again, any of these teams could lose in the first-round. I have no idea, and that’s why playoff hockey is awesome (not to mention stressful).

My pick: I’ll take Washington over Phoenix. But I think/hope this will turn out like my NCAA bracket (hint: I picked zero Final Four teams).

I’m going to end this on an optimistic note. During the Olympics, I had a crazy theory that Ryan Miller would steal the show and finally get his due as one of the NHL’s elite. In turn, this would lead to casual American hockey fans rooting for Miller in the playoffs and this positive Karma would counteract the horrible, possibly cursed Karma of the city of Buffalo. Kind of like casual baseball fans rooting for the Red Sox leading to a miracle against the Yankees and a Championship (oh, that’s what throwing up in your mouth feels like). Part of this crazy theory came true, the Americans didn’t win Gold but Miller did steal the show. Could this be? Would the hockey Gods allow this? I’m thinking yes.

That’s why I implore you casual hockey fans to join the Ryan Miller, Buffalo Sabres bandwagon. I Promise, it will be a fun ride and we can teach you about the French Connection, May Day, Rick Jeanerette, etc. etc. We’ll even let you guys wear the championship hats and t-shirts that we’ve pined after for so long. Most people will even look at us and our optimism and think, those guys are going to be sorely disappointed come June when some other club’s captain is making out with Lord Stanley’s Cup. And maybe that’s so, I’ve been sorely disappointed at the end of every hockey season I’ve followed. But then again, anything can happen…

CDs of the Decade!

2009-12-26T17:23:00.000-08:00

For next year, I plan to post more and do more than just sports stuff. I may move this to a different blogger post, but for now I'm attaching it to Riding the Pine. These aren't everyone's idea of best Cd's of the decade, but they're my favorites. (So, I guess that really makes them the best. Right?)

For added difficulty I gave myself one rule: No repeat bands. I didn't want it just to become a discography of my favortie bands and it made coming up with this more challenging and fun.

Need More Listens:
Them Crooked Vultures - Them Crooked Vultures
The Best of 2009, this probably will be on the list at some point, but it just came out in November so I figured I would give it more time to sink in. Having said that, "No One Loves Me & Neither Do I" is one of the best tracks I've heard in a long time and the whole CD has everything I look for... awesome riffs, creativity, lyrics that make me wish I thought them up, thrashing drums, etc.

These are ones on other list I have read that I need to get more listens in before making a final decision on them.
Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights
Jay-z - The Blueprint
Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion
Bloc Party - Silent Alarm

Honorable Mentions:
(note: any of these probably could have made the top ten, depending on my musical mood for that particular day.)
MGMT - Oracular Spectatcular
Arcade Fire - Funeral
The Raconteurs - Counselors of the Lonely
My Morning Jacket - Z
TV on the Radio - Dear Science
Incubus - Morning View
Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP
blink-182 - Take Off Your Pants and Jacket
Foo Fighters - One by One
The Shins - Wincing the Night Away
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium
Muse - Black Holes and Revelations

(That's a lot. Don't let people tell you there wasn't any good music this decade.)

The Top Ten
10. Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga - With more listens Gimme Fiction or Kill the Moonlight may replace this. Either Way, Spoon is awesome and this CD just makes me feel awesome.
9. Saves the Day - Stay What You Are Saves the Day were a huge part of the end of my high school career and the tremendously underrate In Reverie defined my freshman year of college (I was actually really close to putting that one one here instead). But because of Freakish, At Your Funeral and This is Not an Exit, I think this will always be my favorite Saves the Day. They get bonus points for being present at two of my top three favorite concerts of all time.
8. Modest Mouse - Good News For People Who Love Bad News- A lot of Modest Mouse fans prefer The Moon and Antarctica and probably don't like this one at all. But I disagree, this is great and giving Modest Mouse more exposure (and even a Guitar Hero shoutout) isn't really a bad thing.
7. Green Day - American Idiot - My initial reaction was that I liked 21st Century Breakdown more. I don't know if I've changed my mind, but for now I'm giving American Idiot the nod.
6. Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot - The best of many great Wilco dics.
5. Kings of Leon - Aha Shake Heartbreak - Pretty much a toss up between this and Youth & Young Manhood.
4. Radiohead - Amnesiac - Kid A topped most decade lists that I read, so I know I'm in the minority but I prefer Amnesiac. "You and Whose Army?," "Life in a Glasshouse" and "Pyramid Song," come one, you can't tell me they're just Kid A B-sides. In Rainbows could very well be here too and Hail to the Thief is another underrated gem.

Top 3 (note: These really could be in any order, they're three of my all-time favorites. But for now this is how it stands.)
3. The White Stripes - Elephant (2003) - Jack White is the man. And Meg is his perfect compliment. This is one of the best guitar albums of the decade and the fun that they had making this rubs off on the listener. Ball and Biscuit is my song of the decade and probably my favorite of all time. (And you better believe it's my ringtone.)
2.The Strokes - Is This It? (2001)- Everything I ever want in an album. I've listened to this and the number one pick more than anything and there's a reason for that. A desert island pick? Hell yeah! This could even win over Ben Linus and the smoke monster.
1.Arctic Monkeys -Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not (2006)- In January 2006 I heard some buzz about this band, a band with a weird name, young ages and hyped like crazy by NME. vI checked out some of the material (not expecting too much) that they had unleashed on the Internet. It's the best feeling when you discover a band and know there is something special about them. It's like you can tell, "this is going to be my favorite band." The Arctic Monkeys are my favorite band entering this new decade and their debut is still their best. (Still please, do yourself a favor and check out Favourite Worst Nightmare, Humbug and their brilliant b-side.)
They're the kind of band that if you're driving around alone, windows down and this CD in, you won't want to reach your destination until the disc is done. Fuck wasting gas, this CD rocks that much. Alex Turner knows how to write lyrics and these tales about small, shitty towns, striking out at the same bars, bouncers, getting drunk, scummy men, etc. are simply brilliant in every way. Kids who put lyrics in their IM away messages, facebook, twitter accounts, etc. can do themselves a favor and out these songs.
And yes, an Arctic Monkeys concert that I went to at the Metro in Chicago is also on my list of top concerts.

Here's to more great music and feel free to post your favorites in the comments. Rock on!

The Official 2009 Riding the Pine NFL (Super) Preview

2009-09-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

"Congratulations Universe, you win!"

That was my response to hearing that the Buffalo Bills (my favorite team) had signed Mr. Terrell Owens (T.O. - one of my least favorite players and a Riding the Pine go-to joke). I quickly talked myself into the move and I do like, really. It was the right thing to do and should help Buffalo's stagnant offense. And honestly, maybe the Bills (especially Jauron and Edwards) need to be called out by someone, maybe the Bills need that passion, that fire (they don't really need that egotism though...).

Anyway, my point is that I shouldn't have been that shocked. The NFL always has a few surprises up it's sleeve - it's universe will always surprise and baffle us. So, won't it happen again? Most don't seem to think so. For instance, take a look at other season predictions nearly everyone I have read has the Patriots winning the Super Bowl. Really? What a boring, predictable selection. Predictable isn't always a bad thing, the Pats are the favorites and I wouldn't be surprised at all to see them win the Super Bowl (I would however, punch a hole in my living room wall the size of T.O.'s ego).

Now, I've seen some crazy picks as the team NE will beat... Chicago, New Orleans, the Las Vegas Locomotives. That just makes no sense, why show all this respect to the Patriots but completely dismiss the other powerhouses of the league, the consistently good teams?

I noticed a trend last year in all the major sports. There were surprise teams in every league including two of the historically (at least for a short history in one case)awful, laughingstock franchises reaching the championship game: The Tampa Bay (non-Devil) Rays and the Arizona Cardinals. Both had very legitimate chances to win too. But in the end it was traditional teams from more reknonwed cities winning. Older franchises that have tasted plenty of glory in the past: the Steelers, the Phillies, the Lakers, the North Carolina Tar Heels, The Penguins, the Gators, whatever WNBA team won the title. So in the end the stalwart franchises prevail. It would be fortune in some cases if this trend continued (go Yankees!) but wouldn't be good for my Bills and Sabres. However, I think it will continue, to certain extent anyway...

Enough build-up, here's this year's preview (I'm calling it a super preview for obvious reasons) and here's to eternal hope that our favorite team will rattle the universe with a improbable Super Bowl victory! (That goes out to everyone but NE, Miami, Jets and Cowboys fans... I hope your teams lose every game. Jerks.)

Part One:

AFC

AFC East
1. You know
2. Miami Dolphins (ugh)
3. BUFFALO BILLS
4. Jersey Jets

This summer I breezed through the Battlestar Gallactica DVDs on Netflix (amazing show), and I can to an important realization. Bill Belichick is a cylon! There's no other explanation, I think Robert Kraft and Roger Gooddell both know about it and continue to do nothing. Al Davis obviously had no clue because he continues to allow NE to rip him off in trades. So, unfortunately, I have to pick the Patriots as division champs again. But I'm holding out hope that the return of the red and white Patriot Pat uniforms (I admit, they're pretty cool) will mean the return of the Patriots playing like they normally did in the gear (sucky).

I have no idea why I always get some pumped for the Bills games against NE, I'm already counting the days until the Monday Night opener (I'm going to loathe waiting all the way through Monday though). But deep down, I'm very pessimistic, in fact I can't see anyway the Bills can win this game. That's why I'm loading up on beer before hand.

But that brings me to my new outlook on the Bills this season, I'm trying something new out. If you've read my past previews, you would have noticed that I twice picked the Bills to make the playoffs. They finished 7-9 both times. I genuinely believed that they were a good team, definitely a playoff team, and maybe a team that could be the year's surprise Super Bowl contestant. The Bills did an awesome job raising these hopes (a 5-1 start, looking like a team of destiny against an undefeated Dallas squad on Monday Night Football), but they crushed these hopes like a swift kick to the groin. And, that's how I've equated being a Bills fan these past few years... it's like being continually pummeled in the groin. Well, no more suffering! I've decided to buy a cup! To put it simply, I'm curbing my enthusiasm, thinking negatively, the keg is half empty, damn it! This way, I'll be less prone to disappointment, they can only surprise me. And everyone likes surprises.

Now, will this work? Probably not, but I'm sure as well not going to predict a playoff birth for Buffalo (even with that Alex Van Pelt magic). In fact, I'm going to say that they won't see the playoffs as long as Dick Jauron is around. It sucks that the nice guys, the guys you'd like to root for, just aren't as good as coaches as the loathsome (possibly evil robot) coaches. To stick with the BSG analogy, the Patriots are the Cylons and the Bills are Caprica - a once proud entity that gets completely destroyed by a more powerful force that surprises them, overpowers them and just simply outsmarts them.

(LOST spoiler: It's all right, once Juliet destroys Jug head and resets the timeline, then both the Bills and Sabres will have avoided all those heartbreakers. There, I feel better already.)

Oh yeah, the Jets and Dolphins are in this division too. Well, I think Miami is well coached, and they could be a feisty opponent. I didn't expect Pennington to be that great last year. They'll flirt with the playoffs, but they're not at an elite level and I don't think their knocking at that specific door either. The Jets are headed in a direction that scares me, but for this year, I think they're overrated and will battle Buffalo for 3rd in the division. Ultimately, they'll show plenty of positives but won't have a record that is much better than mediocre. There's a lot of hype around Sanchez, and I have the feeling that he'll be a pretty good one, but he won't have Ryan or Flacco success. I mean, even Peyton Manning was 3-13 his first year. The silver lining is that, if Sanchez happens to be a bust than the Dirty Sanchez jokes will be all the funnier (PS I know that joke is a little too easy, but hey if it works... Artie Lange didn't let that stop him from using the "Tony Homo" routine on his infamous Joe Buck appearance, and apparently people liked that.)

AFC North
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Baltimore Ravens
3. Cincy Bengals
4. Cleveland Browns

Oops, did I really pick the Browns to win this division last year? I'm not making that mistake this year. I think the Ravens will be a nasty team this year - a classic smash-mouth, hard-hitting defensive team that no one will want to face in the playoffs. Except Pittsburgh, that is. They won't mind, mainly because they're the new Patriots. Roethsliberger is now the guy that just always finds a way to win. He doesn't put up staggering numbers (they're Pro Bowl worthy, but not MVP/video game-like stats), but if you watch him then you can see how great this guy is. It actually makes me more bitter about the 2004 draft, you know the one where the Steelers and Bills both finished 6-10 the year before but the Steelers picked 11th, the Bills 13th. They got Big Ben, we later traded a bunch picks to get back in the first round and draft the current QB for the Vegas Locomotives, J.P. Losman. After repeatedly bashing my face into a wall, I finally realized that this is just how things work. Teams like the Steelers will always have this kind of luck, other teams will not be as fortunate.

Speaking of unlucky teams, the Bengals and Browns will finish third and forth respectively (or maybe unrespectively). The Bengals aren't a good team, but they aren't that bad either, certainly not as bad as last year. Carson Palmer was on the fast track to greatness, but injuries have wreaked havoc on him and his team. Again, some teams are just have-nots. It doesn't help when you have shoddy ownership and a team notorious for its slew of arrests. One possible bright side, may be 2nd round pick Rey Mauluga. He seems like he could be a steal despite the fact that teams like the Chargers, Ravens and Patriots passed on him. One more Bengal note, is it just me or does Andre Smith seem like the second coming of Mike Williams (not a good thing, Mr. Smith)?

I think the league is a little more fun when teams like the Browns, Bills and Steelers are all good. For most of this decade, that hasn't been the case though and the Browns aren't very good now (I was considering putting D-III super team the Mt. Union Purple Raiders ahead of the Browns, but then I wouldn't be able to recycle that same joke later in the column). Mangini is a bad a coach as Jauron and he probably won't do any better than Romeo Crennel, another former Patriot Defensive coordinator was in Cleveland.

AFC South
1. Colts (I'm really being risky with these division winners obviously)
2. Houston Texans
3. Tennessee Titans
4. Jacksonville Jaguars

I don't know. I can't quite figure this one out. Without Dungy, Indy will finally be on the decline, right? But, wait, they still have Manning. And Tennessee, I've had a feeling they'd be good the past few years, but I liked them less than other teams in the division so I slotted them at the bottom of the division. Is this the year Houston finally breaks through? Was last year a fluke for Jacksonville? Or was the year before? I just don't know.

I guess my thinking is this, as long as the Colts have Manning they'll be good, as long as the Patriots have Brady, they'll be good, etc. The Colts ended strong last year and I wasn't real discouraged by their playoff loss at San Diego. I won't pick them to win the Super Bowl again, but I do think they'll take the division.

Houston will challenge for a Wild Card spot again. They won't finish 8-8 again, but it'll fall on either side of that - 7-9 or 9-7. I'm not convinced that Schaub is the franchise and he does have problems staying healthy. They do have some franchise guys though, Mario Williams, Andre Johnson and possibly Steve Slaton.

Make no mistake, the Titans will be good again. But you can be a good team and still miss the playoffs in this league. Jeff Fisher is still one of the best and their defense should still be solid even without Haynesworth. But Kerry Collins? I can't see them getting real far with him, sorry, I guess that's Karma for the "Music City Illegal Forward Pass."

The Jags will be better than last year, but their coach looks exactly like Shooter McGavin, and we all know Shooter's fate...

AFC West
1. San Diego Chargers
2. USC Trojans
3. Oakland Raiders
4. Denver Broncos
5. Kansas City Chiefs

The Chargers take this division with more authority than last year's 8-8 clunker. I still can't see them toppling the rest of the AFC field and making it to the big game in Miami at the end of the year.

I'm obviously just kidding about USC, I have no idea how good they'll be this year. Starting a freshman QB is always a risk even for a superpower like Pete Carroll's squad.

I picked the Chiefs last, but I think they're headed in the right direction, in fact I almost picked them to finish second behind the Chargers. There's definitely some concerns, but there's a lot of things to like too, including Scott Pioli and their fiery new coach, former Cards offensive coordinator Todd Haley. It's nice to work with Belichick, but I think Pioli probably had a lot to do with New England's success and I'm not going to doubt his abilities. But it'll take more than one season to rebuild the Chiefs and Matt Cassel remains a question mark (for both health reasons and for the fact that he no longer has New England's awesome supporting cast). Still, playing at Arrowhead is never fun for opponents and the Chiefs will almost certainly pull off some upsets there.

The Raiders have some talent and I think they'll win enough games to finish behind the Chargers. However, they're too dysfunctional to win more than 6 or 7 games and I'm not a huge fan of Tom Cable as a head coach.

Wait, head coaches destined to fail? That sounds like you Josh McDaniels. Those Patriot coordinators have done, for the most part, an awful job after graduating from the school of Belichick. They've done almost as bad as players that have left the esteemed institution (they must miss that pristine cafeteria and it's excellent HGH breakfast burritos). So, that's one strike against McDaniels and the fact that I'm guessing most Broncos fans are enraged that he ripped apart the only positive from last years team (offense), swapped Jay Cutler for Kyle Orton (I know that got a bunch of picks too, but that doesn't really help my point, does it?) is another strike. I'm guessing the third strike comes when the Broncos have a disastrous season and have Pat Bowlen questioning why he fired (future Bills coach?*) Mike Shannahan.

* - only the future coach if Bill Cowher turns down the job. We know Jauron won't be the coach, right? right?

Part 2
NFC

NFC East
1. New York Giants
2. Philadelphia Eagles
3. Washington Redskins
4. Dallas Cowboys

You can find flaws for every team, but that doesn't mean they aren't a good team. Each one of these teams is flawed, but also extremely talented. This is still the top division in football. Is there an NFC Champion in the bunch? Or a Super Bowl winner? Well...

The Giants were a regular season powerhouse last year, but came up empty in the postseason. Still, they have a great team and I think they'll repeat as division champs (of course I picked them to finish last in the division the year they won the Super Bowl).

Donovan McNabb is one of my favorite players, but I don't think he'll win a Super Bowl. Signing/trading for big names like Jason Peters and Michael Vick is always the way to go, and besides I'm still bitter about Peters shitty performance last year. My only hope is that Demetrius Bell turns out to be better than Peters, signs a contract bigger than Peters and then builds a house right next to Peters only twice as large, and hangs a solid gold sign in his front yard that says, "Suck it, Peters!" I think that sounds reasonable.

Washington and Dallas will have similar records, neither will make the playoffs. Even though, I picked the Cowboys to finish last, I by no means think they're a bad team. But, you have to admit it is might sweet to see Jerry Jones look like a fool. Besides, even if they did make the playoffs they would end up getting bounced in the first round like a punt off their poorly placed score board (Yep).

NFC North
1. Green Bay Packers
2. Minnesota Vikings
3. Chicago Bears
4. Detriot Lions

The other day at work we were talking about Batman. One of my co-workers was listing villians and this what he said, "You have the Joker, Bookworm, Mr. Freeze-" I cut him off there. What? Bookworm? That sounds made up (and sounds like the lamest villain ever). I was sure that I was a victim of some practical joke, I mean when did Batman start beating up on nerds? However...

Oh, man. Fucking Bookworm, are you kidding me? Anyway. my point is that the Detroit Lions are the Bookworm of the NFL. They're pushovers, more of a punchline than a threat. And I don't like this. I've always liked the Lions because I was a big Barry Sanders fan (who wasn't), and I didn't get as much joy out of their 0-16 as I would have if the Dolphins finished 0-16 (and this is a good time to remind you that they did finish 1-15 just two years ago. Good times). Matt Millen could have read all the books he wanted and he still would have been the worst GM in history (not just NFL history). The only book he did read seemed to be "How to Suck." I certainly hope they're on the right track, but that will mostly depend on if they can build a solid, reliable offensive and defensive line and of course, on Matthew Stafford. I find it funny that most people are automatically assuming that Mark Sanchez will be better than Stafford seemingly just because he was drafted by the Lions. Sadly, I can't say that I disagree.

On to the Bears... Peter King picked the Bears to go to the Super Bowl. Bold, but I don't see it. This is also a good point to mention that I took the Peter King challenge on SI.com last year and kicked his ass. I finished somewhere tied for 18th overall (I think, I don't remember that exact position) and he finish somewhere closer to 1,000th place. Chalk one up for Riding the Pine!

I try not to put too much stock into preseason, but if someone else does, that's fine with me, why would I care? I just think you have to be consistent. For instance, King was getting on the Bills case because how much their offense has sucked in the preseaon (which is a very valid point, because they were awful and both Walker and Schoenert paid for it). But the only team they looked good against was the Bears... who he picks to go to the Super Bowl. Edwards actually outplayed Cutler in that one (it was Cutler's first game as a Bear). The Bills played brilliantly last preseason against the Steelers, Edwards looked great and the starting D terrorized Big Ben, but it didn't matter in the real season when the Bills were finishing 7-9 and the Steelers were winning another Super Bowl.

Of course, one team that looked fantastic in preseason when I watched them was the Packers. That's not why I picked them first though (I'm no hypocrite). I know Favre won't want to finish behind them and I can understand why people pick the Vikings in this division. I've always had a fondness for great running backs and Adrian Peterson definitely falls into that category. But the Packers have that look of a "bounce-back team," one that goes from 6-10 to 11-5 and division champs (or something like that). When Rodgers was sitting behind Favre all those years and even when he was drafted, he reminded me of Losman. Naturally, I thought he would be a bust. I was wrong. And that's something I'm going to keep in mind for my playoff picks - my gut has been wrong. A lot. So, I'm pulling a George Costanza, doing the opposite of what I think is right. Hey, it got him a job with the Yankees...

And before I close up on this division I have to say that I - like everyone else - am sick of Favre's antics. However, when I heard he was flirting with the Vikings, I got a little excited. I mean, come on. Favre against the Packers. At Lambeau. As a Viking. No wonder ESPN has a constant Favre boner.

NFC South
1. New Orleans Saints
2. Atlanta Falcons
3. Carolina Panthers
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

I've been a big Jake Delhomme fan ever since his awesome performance in the 2004 Super Bowl against New England. But man, that playoff performance was brutal. The Panthers won't get far this year and will look for a new quarterback. Tampa got their new signal caller, but to me the move to reach for Josh Freeman reminded me of the Bills getting J.P. Losman. Of course, I thought the same thing when the Packers picked Aaron Rodgers....

The Saints and Falcons are clearly the best teams in the division and I give the slight edge to the Saints because I think this is the year that Drew Brees wins MVP.

NFC West
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. Seattle Seahawks
3. San Francisco 49ers
4. St. Louis Rams

A boring division, so a short write up here...
Cardinals break the Super Bowl losing team curse, because let's face it, no one is cursed when they're in such a bad division. If the good Kurt Warner shows up (not the washed-up Giants version) the Cards will be a sleeper pick to make it back to the Super Bowl (and probably lose again).

The Seahawks won't be too bad, but the Niners and Rams will. The Rams started this decade as a surprise juggernaut and will end it as the Lions competition for the number one overall pick (again).

Part 3
Awards:
MVP - Brees
D-MVP - Troy Polamalu

Coach of the year - Mike McCarthy

Super Bowl
New York Giants over Baltimore Ravens

The pattern continues... let's just hope it's not too accurate because another Cowboys title would be another reason why if the technology from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind ever comes to fruition, Bills fans will be the number one buyers.

No. No matter what - after this pitiful decade of Buffalo Bills football (and more Dick Jauron!), we'll definitely need this technology.

The Official 2008 Riding the Pine NFL Preview

2008-09-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know. The NFL season has technically already begun. But really, did Thursday night's Redskins-Giants game feel like regular season football? No, no it didn't didn't. You would have been better off watching reruns of The Office then watching that game, thanks in large part to the Washington Redskins and their ultra-conservative, minimually productive offense. They certainly stole the Steve Fairchild gameplan: run, run, short pass, punt, lose.

So forget that, this Sunday brings a slate of intriguing games. And doesn't the first Sunday of football seem like a holiday? All that anticipation, savoring each moment off pointless pregame hype by ESPN, Fox, CBS (and I guess the NFL Network too)before watching your favorite team unwrap their new offseason toys and start a quest to make history. And then of course, that anticipation turns to disapointment for most teams (especially for us Bills fans) as you watch enough baffling playcalling, pourous defense, careless turnovers to grab another beer (or ten) from the fridge.

We know the dissapointment will come eventually, it does for 31 fanbases every year. But we watch anyway. Why? Because if Eli Manning can win a Super Bowl, then so can your team. (Except for you Miami, there's better chance that fictional Miami bloodsplatter anaylaist Dexter Morgan will take his knife to Bill Parcells than the Dolphins have of winning more than six games.)

Not a second too late, here are my predictions that are sure to be way off, but are just too much fun to write or read that I have to do it...

AFC

AFC East
predicted finish:
1. (It pains me to type again...) New England Patriots*
2. Buffalo Bills
3. New (Jersey) Jets
4. The Miami 1-15's

I was reading something from last year's preview that made me decide to start this explanation from the bottom. About Cam Cameron and the Dolphins, I wrote: "As for the Dolphins, they're going to be bad this year. I'll leave it at that."

It turns out they were historically bad, pathetic really. Only the ineptitude of Brian Billick and the Ravens kept the Dolpins away from what would have been a glorious 0-16 season. So now all of a sudden a guy name "Tuna" is going to rescue the Dolphins? Come on! There's no doubt they'll be better than last year, how could they not, in fact they'll give some teams some troubles. I'm positive the Bills will have at least one close game with them this year. But the bottom line is, they'll still be losing. The fans that "fill up" half of Dolphin stadium will devasted. (But like I said earlier with each loss, they can still hope that Dexter will chose to go after true evil: Bill Belichick.)

Anyway, the AFC East, as a whole, is better than last year. Yet, I still think it will finish in the smae order. Last year, I predicted the order correctly (when most people incorrectly thought the Bills were inferior to the Jets... wow, that seems familiar)and I was close to nailing the Bills record. I said 8-8 or 9-7 and earning the final Wild Card spot. They finished 7-9 (argh, again) and were a two cololosal (mess)-ups away from 9-7 (damn you Denver and Dallas games.

So with caution I'm going to pick the Bills for the Wild Card again this year. My reasoning is this: they have to better than last year, right? They have an easier schedule, heatlhier team (knock on wood), more talent, and Trent Edwards has the look of one of those QBs who frustrate other teams because his stats aren't great, he isn't on Sportscenter a lot, but his team wins a lot. I'm thinking a young (and I mean young, not the freak touchdown machine years) Tom Brady or Ben Roesthislberger. Now, those guys both won Super Bowls in their respective second years, this is Edwards second year. I'm just saying...

Again, it's that optimism thing. Why else would someone compare a second-year, third-rounder, with a history of injuries on a team that hasn't made the playoffs since 2000, to a future hall of famer and a perennial Pro Bowler? Teams like the Rams of 99 and Giants of last year are to blame for this phenominom - they give too many teams (and by teams I mean the fan base of these teams) false hope that this will be their year. Because (cynic alert) in all liklihood it won't be.

I really do like this Bills team though. They just have to show that they can stay healthy, manage to not shoot themselves in the cleat (that means you Jason Peters), and not to put starters on the IR because of spite (I'll hold off going into detail about the Angelo Crowell situation since no one seems to know what's really going on here. But I'm hoping it's not as bad, or bushleague, as it sounds).

I could go on talking about the Bills, but I'll save some of that for the regular season. As for the Jets... well, they remind me of the Bills during the Tom Donahue era. Signing big name free agents, tossing money around to washed-up former Pro Bowlers, and speaking of washed up older Pro Bowlers, trading for one to play QB. Granted, these Jets have a better offensive line than those Bills (because Donahue mostly ignored that aspect of football) and even a almost 40-year old Favre is better than the Bledsoe version 33.0. But those Bills team had a really good defense (better than this year's Jet's D) that kept them in games. When all is said and done I'm thinking 7-9 or maybe 8-8 for the Jets because they too have an easy schedule. I wouldn't be sursprised if they were worse than that though and I would be shocked if they end up making the playoffs. In fact, I think the only way for them to make the playoffs is through some league/ESPN conspiracy to get Favre into the playoffs. Which would never - wait a second, I could definitly see that happening.

(One more thing about Favre. I'm wondering about the fact that the Jets recievers are used to catching lob shots from Pennington and are now going to catch fastballs from Favre. Will one preseason be enough to make that adjustment? I say no. The Jets will lead the laegue in dropped passes.)

On to the next Division...wait, you're wondering why I'm only talking about three of the four AFC East teams. I thought that was required since most of the so-called previews of this division I've watched have only talked about three teams and acted like the remaining team was unimportant. I don't know if it's a coincidence but the team that all these networks/websites neglected was the Bills. Well, okay, I'm choosing to ignore the Patriots.

AFC North
Predicted Finish
1. Cleveland Browns
2. Pittsburgh Steelers
3. Baltimore Ravens
4. Cincinatti Bengals (also known as the Bangalas de Cincinatti)

I messed up the Browns pick last year, but even worse is that I just found out that I used the Dexter joke in last year's column too (weak). Anyway, it's risky picking the Browns this year, they went from being everyone's surprise pick (albeit not much of a surprise since they were 10-6 and robbed of the playoffs last year) to team that is overrated. All because of a tough schedule and a weak preseason.

Well, the Steelers have a tough 17 weeks too and they didn't impress me with their preseason performance against Buffalo in Toronto either. However, I do think that the QB simply known as "Big Ben" has passed Carson Palmer as the best quarterback in the division. Derek Anderson is good too, no fluke like some have suggested, but he does have to tone down the turnovers and be more consistant - that's the case for most young signal callers though. Joe Flacco is way, way, way behind all of them so far. The Ravens better be patient with him or it may seem like they have another Kyle Boller sized bust, when in fact the young man just needs time to learn and develop.

The Bengals seem like a mess, so I picked them to finish last but they could have flip-flop with Baltimore or the two teams could have the same record. Either way, both won't be good and Marvin Lewis probably won't be the coach too much longer. He might be better off coaching a better run organization anyway.

Here's my thoughts on the receiver fromerly known as Chad Johnson and the headache currently known as Chad Ocho Cinco. He wants to be traded he says. Well what happens if he gets traded to a team with a player who already wears 85. If I was that player I would refuse to sell him that number no matter how much he offered. The humor of Ocho Cinco wearing 86, 87 or anything else besides 85 is just too great. (And I know other agree with me because I've seen this same point in other sports columns, but still it's the first thing I thought of when I heard the name change so I had to put it in here).

AFC South
Predicted Finish
1. Indy Colts
2. Jacksonville Jags
3. Tennesse Titans (Home of the Home-run illegal forward pass-back)
4. Houston Texans

Every team in this division is good. But only one has Peyton Manning.

Like many, I was tempted to say that this is the year that Jacksonville passes Manning, Dungy and crew. The Jags will be tough for everyone to handle, but I can't put them at the level with the Colts, Patriots, or even Chargers, yet. I love the way their team plays, physical, smash mouth, crushing defense, but I would be one of the people calling shenanagins if a team with a fanbase as palrty as Jacksonville's gets to bask in the euphoria of a Super Bowl Championship before the us die-hards in Western New York.

Their D is great (although hopefully they'll miss Marcus Stroud), their running game is terrific and I like Garrard as their Quarterback. But their recievers are suspect and they'll have some problems outside of the game, most recently with the shooting of Collier. So at this point they're still a wild card. A very good wild card team.

As for the Titans, they're also very good. They're led by a strong defense and an excellant coach. Furthermore, I think Vince Young will be a very good quarterback in this league (right now he has a very good W-L record, mediocre stats and a ton of critics). I still thought Cleveland deserved that final playoff spot last year instead of the Titans, and this year Jeff Fisher's crew will be the odd team out.

Houston has a good young team, I think they're still a few years off though. I'll admit it was fun last year to waatch this team and DE Mario Williams give a Texas-sized middle finger to all the people out there that thought they were insane for not picking Bush. I still think they might have wanted to go with Young, mainly because I'm not sold on Matt Shaub yet, but almost every team in the league would kill to have a player like Super Mario. Especially after the Giants showed last year how important a relentless pass rush can be.

It's just too bad they play in one of the toughest, competitive divisions in the league.

AFC West
Predicted finish
1. San Diego (Super) Chargers
2. Denver Broncos
3. Oakland Raiders
4. Kansas City Chiefs

The Chargers should win this division easily. I picked them as the champs last year and they didn't come through. They did (and actually still do) have some key injuries but really worried me was their cowardly coaching. I call it "pussy ball." It's when a team plays overly conservative to try and minimize mistakes but they're really just killing themselves with predictablity. Dick Jauron is guilty of this too, and that worries me (playing "pussy ball" and injuries are my biggest concerns for the Bills). The Redskins employed this method on Thursday night too, it didn't work out.

Here's another reason I think the super talented Chargers won't make it to the Super Bowl, and it doesn't have anything to do with Shawne Merriman's knee. It's more of a hunch, a feeling if you will. It happened recently in the NHL with the Buffalo Sabres and in the NBA with the Phoenix Suns; a talented offensive jaugernaut rules the regular season, looks unbeatable at times and have fans thinking championship. Only in the end, those same fans are left wondering how a team with so much talent, and so many wins, could fail to even make the championship round. They're frequent guests in the Conferance championship round but a freak amalgamtion of bad luck and injuries allows another team to steal the title.

I had to suffer through it with the Sabres, Suns fans had to live through it, and I'm afraid the same thing will happen to the Chargers. I hope it doesn't because for the most part I like them more than Indy or definitly more than New England. But I believe in these sort of parallels, but don't worry Bolt fans I'm sure Ladanian Tomlinson has a more optimistic view.

If my aforementioned analogy is right (which it almost certainly is) than Denver, Oakland and KC aren't going to come close to San Diego. Denver should be decent, Jay Cutler is a good young player to have leading your team. He's far from elite, but could take a team to the playoffs. The Raiders should be better than last year and Darren McFadden will be exciting to watch, not as good as Adrian Peterson, like some expect, but still a Rookie of the Year favorite (not necessarily the winner though).

The Chiefs will be bad. Arrowhead Stadium should still give some teams headaches so they'll squeeze out enough wins to avoid being being the team to pick 1st in next year's draft. They'll be in the top five though, regardless of the health of Larry Johnson too.

NFC

NFC East
Predicted finish
1. New (Jersey) Giants
2. Dalla$ Cowboy$
3. Philadelphia Eagles
4. Washington "I swear I had them in last even before the sucked it up on Thrus. night" Redskins

I picked the Giants to finish last, last year. They won the Super Bowl. So I'm picking them first this year. Hey, what can I say it's a tough division to play in and a tough on to prognasticate.

The Eagles were my NFC team last year, they'll challenge for a playoff spot again. They're hard to peg because their season depends on the health of Donovon McNabb. He could be the MVP or he could miss half the season...

The Skins will struggle (see above) but they're far from being awful. And that leaves the Cowboys.

I'm seeing this team pegged as not only a Super Bowl favorite, but also as the team to win it all. And if that's not enough everyone is picking Romo to win the MVP. Usually when a guy chokes in every big game he's played, the media are all over him. But I guess if it's a nice story and he plays for the Cowboy$, so I guess he's a surefire Super Bowl MVP and one of the best players in the league. Are you kidding me?

Romo had a flat-out awesome regular season last year (besides the fact that he was scared of the crazies in Orchard park), but so did Daunte Culpepper a few years ago. Now Culpepper is retired. I certainly hope that Romo doesn't get hurt like that and share the same fate, but it goes to show you that one great year doesn't mean that Romo is in the same league with Manning and Brady. Despite what ESPN might think, he's not even the most proven QB in his division (that would be Eli Manning, you know, the guy that won the Super Bowl MVP in the real world).

That being said, I think I may see why these pundits like him so much (besides the fact that he has a star on his helmet). His story is a good one. He works hard and isn't smug like Brady or pompous like TO. I would probably root for him but again, he has that star on his helmet, so I won't. Wade Phillips is an easy guy to root for too, the Bills shouldn't have canned him when they did. Unfortunatly for him, Jason Garrett is going to be the head coach next year.

(Olympic side note for a sec, because a) they were awesome and I never wrote about them and b) Usain Bolt looks a little like TO and acts a lot like TO. Bolt has one of the potentially greatest names ever, but why has it not been legally changed to Lightning Bolt. That would be cheesy for anyone else, but for the fastest person on the planet, it's badass. He could, and should, get a Lightning Bolt tattoo on his skull and still be badass. No wonder the Jamacians are better on the track, their fastest guy has a cool name like Bolt, our guys are named Gay and Dix... Whatever, Bolt would get crushed in the NFL. Take that Jamaca! Last Olympic note: I'm glad weren't too many incidents involving the US and China, you know, because of the whole Jack Bauer situation.)

NFC North
Predicted finish
1. Minnesota Vikings
2. Green Bay (wait.. Favre's not our QB anymore?)Packers
3. Detroit Lions
4. Chicago Bears

This will be one of the more exciting division races. I have the Vikes winning it and the Packers taking one of the wild card spots. I still have the Packers winning the Monday Night opener in Lambeu though. Let's hope Adrian Peterson can stay healthy, I'd love to see what he could do in a full 16 game schedule.

For the Pack, Aaron Rodgers reminds me a lot of JP Losman. Take that for what its worth. Also it concerns me that he has been hurt numerous times in his career while backing up a guy that, you know, never missed a game! How did he get hurt all the time without playing? How will he make it through the entire season? And how will the Brian Brohm/Matt Flynn tag-team fare in the regular season?

The Lions have talented players, but as long as Matt Millen is their GM I'll never pick them to make the playoffs.

The Bears? Well, I think they are a few months away from stating Devin Hester at quarterback.

NFC South
Predicted finish
1. New Orleans Saints
2. Tampa Bay Bucaneers
3. Carolina Panthers
4. Atlanta Falcons

This year's Super Bowl will be played in Tampa Bay, none of these teams will be there though. Sorry Bucs fans, you've already had your one Super Bowl for the decade. (Although Tampa is underrated and they don't get the respect they deserve. Anyway, I think they just barely miss the playoffs, but it could be a toss up between them and Green Bay.)

Carolina is an interesting team. I can see them being really good or really bad, so I'm predicting something in the middle (like 7-9 or 8-8). John Fox is on the hot seat, I've always thought of him as a good coach, so we'll see what he can do with this squad.

Atlanta will lose a lot. But Michael Turner could be a surprise Pro Bowl running back (albeit after some players drop out due to injuries) and Matt Ryan could be a surprise winner of the Rookie of the Year. He'll almost certainly get some sympathy votes.

The Saints will win the division, I like a lot of their offseason moves, but they won't be a strong threat to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl.

NFC West
Predicted finish
1. Seattle Seahawks
2. Arizona Cardinals
3. St. Louis Rams
4. San Fran 49ers

I think the Seahawks will lose their opening game to the Bills... but that won't stop them from making their second ever Super Bowl appearance. It's ironic that the NFC Super Bowl team would come from one of the weakest divisions in football. Seattle will win thanks to their awesome defense (Lofa Tatupu will win Defensive Player of the Year), Matt Hassleback carrying the offense for large stretches and because of coach Holmgren. Still, a banged up team, playing on the opposite coast will lose a close opener to another playoff team: the Buffalo Bills (or at least, I've talked myself into that).

Arizona will win some games over inferior opponents, but in the end their season will go down the tube like beer going down Matt Leinart's funnel. (Hey, he's just living the dream!)

The Rams will start the season out on another long (I mean looooooong) losing streak and still manage to edge out San Fran for last place.

Or will they.... In JT O'Sulliven we believe!

AFC Wild Card Teams
1. Jacksonville Jaguars
2. Buffalo Bills (hell yeah!)

NFC Wild Card Teams
1. Dallas Cowboys
2. Green Bay Packers

(...and if you're still reading) The Super Bowl
Indianapolis Colts over the Seattle Seahawks

The battle of retiring coaches is won by Dungy and the Colts on a last second controversial call that reverses an apparent Seahawk touchdown. Seattle fans, Bill Belichick and Clay Bennett are responsible for the blown call. All hell breaks loose.

And a month later Brett Favre retires...

Or does he?

(to be continued.... again)

*- Indicates a team of sinister cheaters who's pact with Lucifer is about to expire (hopefully)

Le Voyage de Rochester Rhinos

2008-07-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

One of the few sports that I played and didn't, well, ride the pine in, was soccer. It wasn't about winning because our team almost never did, but it certainly was fun. I was decent at it too and learned about the sport, I love following the World Cup and related soccer events. So, naturally I'm a Rochester Rhinos fan.

For the first time since the Rhinos Frontier Field days, I went to a game on Friday, July 11. A lot has changed with the team since them, for one they went from a dominating, future MLS squad to a team that now has virtually no chance at the MLS.

They still have plenty loyal fans, I found this out on Friday. And if I lived close enough I would certainly love to pick up some season tickets. The fans have to be pretty loyal to accept the logo change. Now, I've accepted the fact that in today's sporting society, any team's logo/jersey modifications will suck. Teams continue their weird psychological experiment with fans to see how far they can push the limits of the fans' fashion (see: Buffalo Sabres slug logo).

We're only a few years away from the revealing of the Cleveland Browns new image: a football defiantly sticking out of a pile of shit. And what about the new Oklahoma City basketball team, what will their new fans be rooting for? A homage to their theft from Seattle? The Decafs? Or something more practical perhaps, will we finally have a pro team that goes by the badass nickname: The Unicorns. Like my floor hockey, the Unicorns of Death, the Oklahoma City Rabid Unicorns could have a logo with a snarling, horned beast, complete with razor teeth, slanted eye-brows and the clincher: a blood soaked horn. Now, that would be cool. Of course, they'll go with something dull. Can't wait to watch Kevin Durant and the "Team formerly known as the Sonic."

Anyway, back to the point of the Rhinos new insignia. Nothing was wrong with the old crazed Rhino puncturing a soccer ball look. But they dropped the "Raging" from the Rochester Raging Rhinos and replaced it with a logo that looks like something out of the Babar the Elephant children's series. "Look it's Babar's friend Rabab the Rhino."

Paetec Park is a solid soccer venue though. It was a lot better than the last time I was there (when the press box was still an unfinished wood area with power tools laying around). I had great seats towards the front of the upper deck and at midfield with some knowledgeable and friendly Rhino Rowdies (actually, these weren't exactly the rowdy bunch, but still diehards in their devotion). The concessions served tasty local beers from Rorbach's and I even scored a free white Rhinos shirt (which despite the presence of the new logo is still a sweet shirt).

Needless to say, it was a great atmosphere. Of course, there's no denying that Paetec Park isn't located in the best spot of the city. There's plenty of security around the stadium, but veer off in the wrong direction (like we did) and you end up some shady parts of the city, almost (and this might be exaggerating a little) like the Rochester version of The Wire. I even think I saw a glassy eyed Bubbles duplicate at Tops.

After experiencing the entertaining game (which had the Rhinos beating the Seattle Sounders 1-0, by the way), all these complaints became an afterthought. Honestly, I didn't know much about this current incarnation of the Rhinos. I knew that they were in last place in their division (they aren't anymore), were turning things around but still needed a few pieces (where's Doug Miller when you need him?). The trade for Andrew Gregor will certainly help, and he got a warm ovation from the crowd. But my favorite Rhino (and certainly a crowd favorite) quickly came to be the dynamic Johnny Menyongar.

At 5'5", number 10 is a small, but fearless. And he's a dart on the field, a constant offensive threat and a magician with the ball. One time he took what appeared to be one too many dribbles as he ran into an entrapping double team. He did a nifty spin-o-rama and some how snuck himself and the ball past the defenders and streaked towards the goalie. Soccer at it's best for sure.

One of my other favorite moments of the game came during a corner kick. For most of the night the Rhinos had all the corner kicks. They all turned out the same: the White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army" would blare on the speakers, the ball would go in the air, a Sounders player would win position and clear it. A somewhat frustrating recurrence. But during a Sounders cornerkick in the open end of the stadium something exciting happened. Now, this must happen often because the people in our section were telling us to "watch this" as a cascade of streamers rained down over the Seattle player and on to the field. And it was A LOT of streamers too. To the delight of the crowd, some got stuck on the players cleat as he tried to run back up the field. I was stunned that this was allowed, but it was still good stuff (and possibly a prelude to allowing fans to hurtle disposable cameras at Bill Belichick on the sidelines?).

That corner kick came at the end of the game. After the Rhinos had dominated position most of the game and were a questionable offsides away from a 2-0 lead. At this point, the Rhinos either tired or let up because the Sounders roared back and almost ruined the night with a stoppage time goal. There only other serious chance of the night came earlier when a defensive lapse led to a point-blank shot from around the penalty box area which I thought for sure would be the equalizer. Luckily, keeper Scott Vallow made a clutch save that was easily the stop of the game.

My only other complaint has to do with the PA nonsense. I can tell you how irritating it is when I'm watching action on the one end of the field and the PA announcer comes on and booms, "please direct you attention to the scoreboard (away from the action) and check out the kiss cam." No one cares about the kiss cam, or some jackass lingering on a couple trying to, you know watch the game, and keep prodding them to kiss. This happened other times with birthday messages or telling the fans to watch the Rhinestones dance team (who I did enjoy by the way) on the other end of the field. And people wonder why soccer gets a bad reputation in the U.S., it's because of stuff like this. It's an exhilarating sport to watch live (even in 1-0 games), fans don't need to be treated like ADD riddled idiots who can't follow the action and need to be stimulated with artificial chants and worn-out novelties like the kiss cam. The Sounders almost scored when the Rhinestones shot balled up T-shirts into the crowd, most people didn't notice because the soccer game apparently came second to the wadded up ammunition shot from a shirt bazooka.

I like to think we're better than that, and some in the organization must agree. The post game, "meet the Rhinos" event is a great coup for the fans and a nice PR move for the transitioning soccer club. Now, if you excuse me, I need to go iron out free bazooka shirt.

Go Rhinos!

My Chicago Bulls history, the NFL, and Sydney Crosby's "playoff beard"

2008-06-01T16:20:00.000-07:00

Let me start by talking about something that Riding the Pine has rarely talked about: the NBA. Back in the 90s, I was a huge fan of NBA basketball. I liked it as much as I enjoyed watching the Bills, Sabres and Yankees. My team was the Bulls (da Bulls). Now, I've always been one to bash the bandwagon fans - fans who are only fans because "their" team won a championship(s) or becomes a dynasty.

I'll admit it certainly seems that I was guilty of hoping on the Michael Jordan bandwagon and then hoped off as soon as he left the Bulls for good and the team struggled to win 20 games a year. But allow me to defend myself on this one. (Because I never want to be grouped into the same category as people that started loving the Red Sox in 2004 or those "die-hard" Patriot fans who feel that they are directly responsible for the Pats dynasty. And we know that only way that would be true is if they had excellent video recording skills.)

Anyway, I started rooting for the Bulls the same time I started rooting for the Bills, Sabres and Yankees. It was around second or third grade maybe, I'm not really sure, but I was young and started to get interested in sports. The Bills and Sabres were logical choices because they were the locals teams and virtually everyone I knew loved them, and that passion rubbed off on me. The Yankees were still a New York state team and they were the team I knew most about, I became a huge Don Mattingly fan and in the process I became a Bronx Bomber fan (my hatred for the Red Sox would develop later down the road).

When I started rooting for the Yankees that hadn't won a title since the '70s and I couldn't tell you how many World Series they had won. The Bills reached plenty of Super Bowls early in my sports career, but still young Scott had not experienced rooting for a champion. That is until the Chicago Bulls came along.

Michael Jordan was one of the first players I knew about, and he was so fun to watch that i couldn't help but slowly develop into a Bulls fans. Also was the fact that their other great player shared the same first name with me (hey look I'm just like Scottie Pippen I would shout in the driveway while air-balling a 3) and there was no local teams (hello Buffalo Braves, Rochester Royals, anyone home?).

The Bulls three-peating in 91,92 and 93. I was very young during their first title against the Lakers, I watched them alot the following year but I don't remember a lot about their Finals matchup against the Blazers that year. I do remember their early macthups against the Knicks (although I couldn't tell you what years they faced off against each other in) and I remember shooting hoops in the driveway (yeah, I did that a lot as a kid) and humming that awesome NBA on NBC music while attempting reverse lay-ups and MJ tongue-out fade-aways (and of course a few cries of Marv Albert's "Yes!" were sprinkled in there as well). The first finals that I really got into was the spectacular Bulls-Suns matchup in '93. The Bulls eventually three-peated (and yes I duplicated John Paxon's winning shot in my driveway)and it was great to be a Bulls fans.

I'll speed this up a bit: Jordan then retired to play baseball. Secret suspension or not, I was not happy with this. He came back in March a few years later, but lost to the Magic in the playoffs. The Bulls then won three more titles - I enjoyed them all like native son of Chicago might. But when Jordan retired and Phil Jackson was replaced by Tim Floyd and the Bulls started sucking, my love for the game took a hit. The NBA overall just wasn't as fun as those days in the mid-90s, a time I like to call "The NBA Jam era."

During those days the Yankees were winning nearly every World Series, the Bills were still making the playoffs and the Sabres had the best player in hockey (The Dominator) and went to the Cup in 1999 (I couldn't tell you what happened after Game 1 because I had that erased from my memory Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind style.)

The NBA just wasn't as much fun, I eventually evolved to watching and rooting for certain players. (I was, and still am, a big Iverson fan. I had a huge interest in the Sixers-Lakers finals, but again after Game 1 everything went downhill.) The product was losing it's luster, and unlike in the NHL where the incompetent Gary Bettman and crew nearly destroyed the league I had a team that I still loved to root for. I couldn't say the same for the Bulls.

Now I don't watch the NBA much at all, still root for players and good stories (like Chris Paul and the New Orleans Hornets, or SU alum Carmelo Anthony). I also like watching college ball and a player that really became easy to root for was Derrick Rose. I even picked Memphis in my bracket because of the super freshman. I was hoping he would land with an entertaining team like with Kevin Durant with the Sonics. So imagine my surprise when I found out the Bulls had miraculously won the Draft Lotto and had a chance to add a great player in either Rose or Michael Beasley. I never really watched Beasley play so I don't know too much about him, I know he'll probably lead all rookies in scoring and he'll be the front runner to win the Rookie of the Year. But, I desperately want the Bulls to select Rose - My Bulls fanclub membership could depend on it.

Point guard has always been my favorite position. A good point guard can make every one around him better and instantly improve a team. Rose is an electrifying and rare talent and he could be the first step to making the Bulls relevant again. They have some good young players in place, but are victims of poor drafting and dumb personal moves. They won a playoff series last year and challenged the Pistons in the second round, and then bombed this year. Rose could, and I think probably will, become a player like Paul or Deron Williams that can be a leader for a youthful team and a superstar that will pack the seats. Beasley has the superstar quality, but Rose will ultimately make the team better. It's simple really, Beasley will score more points and Rose will win more games, the choice is up to Chicago and hopefully they'll give me a reason to welcome the Bulls back into my alliance with the Bills, Sabres and Yankees.

Quick NFL note because I haven't commented on the Draft yet.
- Really liked the selections of McKelvin and Hardy, both were exactly what the Bills needed and both can be playmakers and have Pro Bowl ability.
- I can see the Bills winning 9 games hopefully, although I think it might take at least 10 in the loaded AFC. I love the young, talented nucleus of the team but it all depends on Trent Edwards. We better hope he can be efficient "all he does is win games" type of QBs, otherwise the Bills won't be seeing the playoffs for a while.
- Despite what some people (mainly from ESPN) think, the Bills are still better than the Jets and Dolphins. Mangini is supremely overrated, I'd rather have Jauron as a coach and I think Jauron is an average at best, overly conservative coach. The Jets went crazy in free agency, but it seems like they just spent a ton of money on players who just aren't that good. But at least they have Kellen Clemons...
As for the Dolphins, they'll improve on their one win season, but I can't see them winning more than five or (if they're really lucky) six games. They'll be healthier, but so will Buffalo. And all this hype about Parcells? I'm not too worried, he'll never lead Miami to Super Bowl and I doubt they'll make the playoffs before he leaves.
- Last NFL note, I can no longer watch NFL Live during the offseason. They should get it over with and re-name it Dallas Cowboys Live featuring Spygate. Because that's all they talk about and during the slow offseason I can see talking about the Patriots cheating scandal (I cringe everytime I hear the term Spygate, couldn't we come up with something less grating to the ears.) But they also give every minute detail about the Cowboys, like Pacman Jones might be moved to receiver (who cares?), Roy Williams sucks but is still going to Pro Bowls (wait, that's news?), Terrell Owens is in some TV show no one has ever heard of (can someone take that man's voicebox away?) and I don't know why anyone would care about daily Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson updates. On any other team Romo would be a good story to root for, but on Dallas he's become this overrated, Hollywood celebrity. He's had 1.5 good seasons, been to 2 Pro Bowls (only deserved one), choked in a number of big games, and the only game that I really watched of him he threw 5 (would have been 6, if Terrance McGee could catch) interceptions and was praised as a clutch player, and a "winner," single handily slaying the Bills. Also, to anyone who makes a power ranking and ranks the Cowboys ahead of the Super Bowl Champions: really? why? Oh I know, it must be Wade Phillips. Never mind then.

And finally after about 1,700 words I'll get to why I Sydney Crosby's picture is featured at the top of this particular column. I was watching the Stanley Cup finals (and probably still complaining about how the Sabres were the best team 2 years ago and would have won the Cup if it weren't for an extreme case of bad luck) when I noticed "Syd the Kid"'s attempt at a playoff beard. Now, with my facial hair history I shouldn't be mocking anyone, but Crosby's playoff beard is pathetic and is the reason why the Penguins won't win the Cup. The hockey Gods were kind enough to grant Pittsburgh the number one overall pick a million years in a row so they could pick up Crosby, Malkin, Fleury and Staal and win the east, but they won't, WILL NOT allow the Cup to be hoisted by a Captain that has the facial hair of a 8th Grade boy too afraid to shave and surprised by his new, deep voice. Seriously, when I first saw Syd's 'stache I had a good laugh. Comedy at it's finest. I mean, did I turn it to the Finals or did the Versus network start showing hockey-themed porn for the mullet crowd.

(Of course I have just jinxed it so Crosby will probably win several Cups and the Sabres will continue to unload their best players. I blame you Gary Bettman for my misery!)

And, until next time I leave you with this picture of Claire from Heroes making out with Lord Stanley.

Leap Day Return

2008-02-29T19:54:00.000-08:00

With the writer's strike over Riding the Pine is ready for some new episodes. Good thing too, because there's lots to talk about since my last post.

NFL Free Agency

Last time I posted about the Bills I foolishly believed they could upset the Patriots. Like with most of my NFL picks I was wrong, very wrong.

Still there have been few more moments as sweet in my sports watching career than watching the over-hyped, cheating, suspiciously lucky, villainous Patriots lose the Super Bowl thus allowing the everything to be right in the Universe again. It took it a little while for the Karma Police to arrive, but boy that entire game was SWEET. And let me say this, I don't even like the New York Giants, they robbed the Bills of a Super Bowl title and they falsely pose as a New York team (they play in Jersey). But I rooted for them like they were the Bills, and in an occurrence as rare as a leap year, a team I was rooting for actually won!

Now, with free agency period starting, it's finally time to stop laughing at Patriot fans and concentrate on how the Bills can return to the playoffs (actually, I think I'll keep laughing at the Patriot fans, the arrogance radiating from Boston has single handily set mankind back several centuries and I have no problem with laughing at their well-deserved misfortunes).

And speaking of beating up on the Pats, one of the men that ruined Tom Brady's dream season, linebacker Kawika Mitchell signed on with Buffalo. I was desperately hoping that the Bills would somehow sign Lance Briggs (all of Western New York probably felt the same way), but I like this signing. Mitchell is certainly an upgrade and he can be a playmaker (he proved it with a monster game in Orchard Park in Week 16).

There has also been plenty of rumors going around that the Bills my be able to trade for DT Marcus Stroud. I don't know much about Stroud's health, but if he isn't damaged in any way than I would absolutely love this move. He's the kind of dominating D-lineman that the Bills sorely need, and with the today's release of the disappointing Larry Triplett the Bills need at Defensive Tackle is as big as Roger Clemens' ego.

NHL

I've always thought that despite their struggles the Sabres would still make the playoffs. Even as the 8th seed, they could still be considered a dark horse for the Cup (hell, Lindy Ruff has already taken an 8th seed to the Finals with the '99 squad). But the Blue and Gold are seriously pushing their luck with the stunning inconsistency they have shown this year.

I was against the Brian Campbell trade at first, mainly because it seems like giving up on this season. Even thought the Sabres are long shots this year, rather than favorites, I believe (like I said) that anything can happen in the playoffs. Plus, sometimes it's better to be the underdog then that favorite (when was the last time the president's cup winner has gone on to claim the Cup?). I do agree that the deal that sent Campbell to the Sharks for young winger Steve Brenier and a first round pick will be the right move in the long run. Reiger and crew have made of knack of ripping off teams at the deadline and have shown a keen eye for talented players. Brenier certainly looked great in his debut against Nashville (2 goals and an assist on the Vanek-Roy line). But, still it sure is frustrating to keep losing key players, and basically have the heart ripped out the heart of one of my favorite teams to root for, ever. Those Sabres from 2005-07 should have won at least one Cup, injuries and bad luck in general derailed them and this team can still amaze at times but they are no longer "good, scary good!"

MLB

I wish Hank Steinbrenner would keep his mouth shut. His calling the Red Sox Nation an ESPN created myth came off as a desperate attempt at attention and doesn't fit the level of class that the Yankees always try to instill within their organization. And saying there is more Yankees fan in the country then Sox fan is just pointless. Both teams have real fans, obnoxious band-wagon fans (although it does seem like Boston has more of this particularly vile creature), and both teams are are also loathed by nearly as many as root for them. It's comments like Steinbrenner's that cause people to hate the Pinstripes (and I really can't say I blame them for it).

In other baseball news, I have to comment on the Santana to the Mets deal. Obviously I wanted the Yankees to land him, but he's probably in a better situation with the Mets were he can feast on much weaker NL line-ups. I think the Yankees offer was better than the Mets but the Twins didn't bite and you can't really blame them for wanting to unload their best player to the National League rather than bolstering the already potent rosters of either the Yanks or Sox.

NBA

Recently, I have been intrigued by pro basketball as much I have been since the days when I was an avid watcher (those would be the Michael Jordan days). I may even write a future NBA column that equals my only other NBA column in greatness (last year's dunk contest column. And it figures that this year's contest was a lot better then the one I chose to write about).

And finally, in honor of the return of Riding the Pine, I give you today's pointless, completely random photo of a hot girl:

Damn you Hank Steinbrenner: or How I learned to Stop Worrying and face the fact that Boston sports fans are luckier than me

2007-12-05T10:42:00.000-08:00

More and more each day, Boston is taking over the (sports) world. And I don't like it one bit, in fact something has to give soon, right karma?

Sure, the Red Sox tortured diehard fans before... well, before they became the Yankees version 2.0. But those fans still watched the Celtics and Bruins combine for a million championships. Now they have a superteam (the Patriots) that not only are better than every other team also have the fortune of being the referee's favorite team. They got Kevin Garnet for practically nothing, got Randy Moss for basically a backup specialteamer and a case of Samuel Adams, and now they might get Johna Santana.

This cannot happen.

I understand that the Yankees rationale that they would rather keep their coveted prospects than ship them away to Minnesota for Santana. I certainly agree with that plan too, I hated seeing the Yankees throw cash to guys like Carl Pavano and Kei Igawa. But the fact that Hank Steinbrenner is apparently running the show now makes me nervous. Very Nervous.

What makes me even more nervous though is thought of Boston having a rotation that features Santana, Beckett, Schilling, and whatever stud pitching prospect they don't trade to the Twins (Clay Buchholz most likely). The Yankees would never beat this team, it would be like some sort of baseball Bizarro World where the Sox dominate and the Yankees become the punching bag between the two rivals. Rod Serling couldn't even come up with a plot as twisted as that.

So why on Earth is Hank the Tank saying that time has run out on the Santana time table and practically conceding that the Sox can have him (for a cheaper price too, now that the main competition is gone). Will he be happy when Coco Crisp (that's Coco "the worst hitter in baseball, with the stupidest name in baseball" Crisp, to you) is the centerpiece in a trade that brings the best pitcher in the world to Fenway.

I understand the timetable was to ensure that the Bombers could go after other star pitchers like Erik Bedard or Dan Harren (who are cheaper, and could turn out to be better moves in the long haul). But Santana is still young, can still be dominant (despite the fact that he let down my fantasy team last year), and would look a lot better in pinstripes then in red stirrups. Plus he brings that intimidation factor to the mound, he's a true ace that the Yanks need to matchup against Beckett. Plus, look how good the AL is now. Cleveland isn't going away anytime soon, Detroit pulled the closest to Boston with the mega trade that brought Willis and Cabrera to Motown,and the Angels always dominate New York and appear to be players on the trade market as well.

The Yankees need better pitching to compete with these powers. Phil Hughes might be great, but I can't picture him being better than Santana. Plus you can't be afraid to give up star prospects to get proven quality. My favorite recent example of this involves the Red Sox and the best farm system in the Majors, the Florida Marlins. Boston traded away All-star (and future NL MVP candidate)Hanley Ramirez to the fish. Now I'm sure they wish they still had this star at SS especially considering the rotation they've had at the position over the past few years. However, in that deal they got Beckett in return, plus the Marlins refused to make the deal unless Boston also took their aging 3rd basemen; Mike Lowell. That deal worked up pretty well for them, and who knows, the Marlins will probably trade Ramirez back to the Sox in a few years when he wants a new contact (God forbid the Marlins team payroll passes the vaunted 5 million dollar mark).

In conclusion, trade some prospects, get a star pitcher, beat Red Sox, win World Series. C'mon Hank, that shouldn't be too much to ask of you. Who knows, Santana and Joba Chamberlain could even team up together and fight crime in the streets of New York during their spare time...

- Another point I wanted to make about the luck of the Irish (in this case Boston fans) is being able to watch a team that can't lose. And I'm not talking about the New England Revolution, who were toppled by the mighty Houston Dynamo in the MLS finale.

The Patriots were outplayed by the lowly Ravens on Monday night. Willis McGahee looked like an unstoppable force and the crowd was beyond pumped to watch their team hand a "L" to the Patriots record. (This is how I thought the Bills would have played a few weeks ago, but I guess JP Losman is no AJ Feeley or Kyle Boller).

Anyway, it's apparent that someone out there really does not want the Pats to lose. Ever. For the second straight week they had a crucial touchdown, that by league rules shouldn't have been and for about the tenth straight year the refs turned around a sure Patriots loss with their ill-timed bizarre calls that destroy the Patriots opponent.

The Patriots are the best team in the league, but they way the refs continue to favor them is laughable. The smugness of that team just makes it worse. They need to suffer a heartbreaking, devastating, borderline unfair loss in the playoffs. It's the only way to set things right, to shut up arrogant non-deserving, bandwagon fans and to assure everyone that evil doesn't always win.

- Speaking of evil and classless ways, I've heard some people roast the Bills for running a play during the Sean Taylor Memorial 10-man defense play. This is ABSURD, almost as stupid as the Redskins only putting 10 people on the field for that play.

Dick Jauron and the Bills are easily one of the classiest teams in the league. In fact, sometimes they're too classy, which is why bullies can embarrass them on national TV. But why should he let a struggle offense in the middle of a Wild Card race forfeit a play to honor Taylor. I don't think that's what a player known for loving the game and playing hard no matter what (Remember when he leveled the Bills best player punter Brian Moorman in the Pro Bowl) would have wanted.

And the Redskins could have easily stopped the play,they had Fred Jackson in trouble but he burned the defenders to the outside and galloped 22 yards for a well-deserved run. The Skins had a safety deep on that play, but I still would have thrown in maybe even in flea-flicker fashion. I don't think that would disrespect the Taylor (certainly not more then Skins fans cheering during the moment of silence) and it could spark the stagnant Bills offense to make a few other plays too.

Of course, the way this game was going a TD bomb would probably have been called back due to an illegal catch, or a phantom call, since this game was eerily reminiscent of the infamous "Tedy Bruschi game" where the Bills outplayed the Pats but lost because it was determined before the game that the previously stroked out Bruschi would be Defensive Player of the Week, and therefore the Patriots must win the game. They did in questionable fashion (again) and Bruschi did indeed win Defensive Player of the week honors despite an embarrassing night on the field where ESPN had to make a new stat (number of hits) to make Bruschi look good.

It would have been a great story to see the Redskins win to honor their teammate and friend Taylor, so they got the benefit of the doubt all day. But then something happened that gave me hope that all is not lost in the sports world. The Bills overcame all this and another dreadful offensive performance and actually came out on the right side of one of these heartbreakers.

One can only hope that this means that Trent Edwards is the Bills answer to Brady, Romo all the other late round picks that become legendary, and eventually Edwards may even be able to vanquish the evil forces coming from the New England region.

Either that, or the Yankees could just trade for Santana and he can knock out Tom Brady with a fastball to the head. Hopeful thinking? Of course, but for us non-Boston sports fan that's all we have now. Hope.

Badass Bills

2007-11-18T14:05:00.000-08:00

The goalposts are coming down tonight. The field will be stormed by triumphant (and almost certainly boozed up) Bills fans. Actually, the game still has to be played but if the Bills can follow this simple rule, then they might be on their way to the biggest upset in NFL history.

That rule? Be the badass Bills, rather than the just bad Bills that limped through the two teams Week 3 debacle.

This means play with an edge, play like they're pissed off that everybody has already anointed the Pats as a 19-0 Super-Champion, the greatest of all time.

Forget that.

It's time for sweet revenge.

That's right, revenge for all those games that dubious, biased officiating aided the Pats to victory, revenge for the "Teddy Bruschi Game", revenge for the cheap shot on Losman earlier in the year and revenge just for being an pompous, no-class organization.

After the last time these two squads met I wanted desperately for Dick Jauron to sucker-punch Belichick during the post-game handshake. He deserves it, in fact I would start a fund to see an NFL person do this. How does www.suckerpunchbelichick.org sound?

Seriously, these guys do deserve a taste of their own chowder so to speak (a cheap shot for a cheap shot, eye for an eye), but that's not what it means to be the bad ass Bills.

Mainly it means to ditch this conservative gameplan that has been maddening to watch at times (are you listening Fairchild?). This doesn't mean to play stupid and take unnecessary risks, just open a the play book, and get the ball in the hands of the playmakers. Do some flea-flickers, some reverses, creative blitzes to take out Brady. I know, easier said then done, but it's still key especially with Lynch doubtful.

Of course, that's brings up another badass point. What would pump a Labatt-fueled, towel-waving crowd more than Lynch doing his best Willis Reed imitation and taking the field against silver and white clad Goliaths. Nothing would delight me more than a Marshawn Lynch stiff-arm punch to the face Tedy Bruschi, any blood or a possible busted face for the Pats linebacker "hero" would be a nice bonus.

Anyway you look at it, this is a colossal task for Buffalo. I mean when has a surging team that's won four in a row, been nearly perfect at home (damn you heart-breaking losses to Denver and Dallas) be 15.5 point underdogs. To make matters worse the league decided to make a pair of die-hard Patriot fans members of the chain gang this game. That's right fellow Bills fans, you should feel comfortable knowing that a crucial 4th and inches will be in the hands of two die-hard New England fans who are "glad to be part of history."

That's right, everyone has already gave these guys the Vince Lombardi trophy and a spot in the history books. You just know the league wants them to be undefeated going in to a Super Bowl match-up against Dallas or Green Bay (ooh....in Favre's finale nonetheless). They would be able to charge a billion dollars per 30-second spot during that game.

You know what, maybe know one can stop the Patriots from winning another title, they've certainly looked like the best team this league has seen in a while. But they're not undefeated yet, and I think some people might be surprised what this amped-up crowd can do for the Bills.

They were close from pulling off the shocker against Dallas, and this time there might not be any heartbreak, well unless you're a Pats fan. Pipe dream or not, you have to admit one thing... that sure would be badass.

One Year ago....

2007-09-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

Riding the Pine sports/entertainment column made it's debut in the September 2006, Volume 6 Issue 1 of the Cardinal Courier. The debut column was called Forecast 2006 and featured some predictions of mine. Since I've had a mixed bag on my prognostications (mostly way off and off to a bad start in the NFL column), I've decided to re-visit my first column and evaluate my guesses.

Enjoy:

If you plan on heading to Vegas anytime before the end of the year, make sure you read this first. That’s because I’m going to give you my surefire predictions from now until January 1st. I hope no one made a spur of the moment Vegas trip with this column in mind. But if you did win money, that is one thing that I'm in need of.

- October will generate a number of fall classics, along with a few surprises. The Detroit Tigers will be the 2006 version of last year’s champion, the Chicago White Sox. They’ll weather a tough stretch at the end of the season but still fight of the Twins and White Sox for the AL Central Crown. They won’t stop there.
Strong pitching, led by rookie Justin Verlander, a solid line-up and savvy manager Jim Leyland will help them to edge out the New York Yankees, and AL MVP Derek Jeter, in a historic seven game ALCS (no bias here, I’m a Yankees fan).
The Mets will cruise threw the National League as expected. But with their chances of winning a subway series dashed the Mets will fall victim to the upstart Tigers. (And Detroit fans can temporarily forget the ineptitude of the Lions, and the postseason collapse of the Red Wings and Pistons.)
I was wrong here, but generally not too far off. The Tigers did upset the Yanks (only in the ALDS) and were the favorite over a team that upset the Mets. However, the Fall Classic failed to live up to it's prestigious billing as the Cardinals became the most unlikely of Champions since the 2001 Patriots (and hopefully neither team cheated their way to victory).

- The Buffalo Bills will exceed preseason expectations, finishing with a respectable 8-8 record. However, they’ll lose several close games as the result of bizarre officiating decisions. Meanwhile, The Philadelphia Eagles will be the biggest surprise in the NFL. The Eagles will win the NFC East, but they’re not invincible and won’t advance far in the postseason.
Wow, I really know that team from Buffalo. They finished strong, and were on pace to hit my predicted 8-8 when they split their first 14 games, before eventually losing the final two. And there was plenty of bizarre officiating circumstances that took a way victory for the Bills (especially in the opener against... who else, the patriots). I was also right about the Eagles (except no mention of Jeff Garcia).

- Barry Bonds and Terrell Owens will team together and form their own cable station where they talk about Bonds and Owens 24/7. They will call it ESPN.
I still like this joke, and it's still appropriate. Just throw in the names Mike Vick and Bill Belichick too.

- The Buffalo Sabres will overcome an average start and have one of the top records in the NHL before the all-star break.
The Sabres did have the top record, but they got off to a blazing start and didn't cool off until the Eastern Conference Finals.- People will tune into NASCAR to see where Ricky Bobby resides in the standings.

- Ohio State and Auburn will battle for college supremacy in the BCS Championship Game. The game will feature Heisman winner Troy Smith, but it won’t be the spectacle that last year’s USC/Texas game was.
Smith won the Heisman, Ohio State got pummeled by Florida, and I was drunk by halftime of this game.

- Emmitt Smith will fulfill his life long dream of competing on Dancing With The Stars, but ultimately he will fumble away the title of dancing champion to A.C. Slater. Luckily for Emmitt this will open the door for him to appear in other reality programs such as Laguna Beach and Nanny 911.
Haha, did Emmitt win Dancing With the Stars? Does anyone care? And does Emmitt care that he was seen on national television prancing around in a pink shirt?

- Roger Federer will continue to dominate men’s tennis, and Maria Sharapova will continue to make all her matches a must-see event.
Yep, Federer is still dominant (but come on, that was an easy one to guess), and Ms. Sharapova is still fun to watch (if you know what I mean...)

- Scott Pukos will win the title of St. John Fisher racquetball champion; unfortunately, he will later be stripped of the title after it’s discovered that he attended a luncheon held by Floyd Landis and Marion Jones
My favorite part of the column, and yes I am the racquetball champion and I decided to skip the luncheon with Landis and Jones and instead I went to a brunch sponsored by Rodney Harrison and Rick Ankiel (the HGH breakfast burritos were great, by the way).

Riding the Pine: Pirate Edition

2007-09-19T16:26:00.000-07:00

Ahoy matties, did you know that today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day?
It's true, everyone in the world is talking like a pirate today, and if you're not they you my be walking the plank soon.

According to the always handy Wikipedia, this holiday was actually invented in 1995 by John Baur and Mark Summers as an inside joke and became nationally (and internationally) known thanks to the promotion of humor columnist Dave Berry in 2002.

And personally, I think it's a great idea. Who doesn't love pirates? They're fun, they do what they want, they rule the seas, they can be villains or they can be heroes. They can even get Johnny Depp an Academy Award nomination.

Sports has a few Pirate organizations (Pittsburgh Pirates, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Oakland Raider fans) and a few swashbuckling personalities. The baseball pirates have been drowning in mediocrity for about 15 years now (or ever since Barry Bonds left for the bay to become one of the most notorious, and notoriously hated, figures in baseball history). Ever since their Super Bowl Appearance in early 2003, The Bucs and Raiders have had their ships riddled by cannon sized problems too, not to mention a flurry of losses.

A tough, scrappy, never-say-die player is a pirate of sports. I could see gunslingers like Brett Favre or Kenny Stabler as pirates if they were born in the right era. Or what about some of the big maulers along the offensive or defensive line, like Mean Joe Greene or the Sam Adams, they would make some mean pirates.

And of course, you need a Captain Hook, pirate villain in sports. I think this villain is in the NFL as well. A often shrouded, secret-hoarding man, who cheats to get what he wants with the vigor that could only be pulled off by the most vile of pirates. And (for the most part) gets away with it.

Bill Belichick, you are Captain Hook. A technical savvy pirate, who is well versed in lying. And even though he is losing a portion of his treasure (a hefty fine and 1st round draft choice) he still gets to roam the sea and pillage other NFL ships.

It seems weird that a Patriot would have to use the way of the pirate to win, but in today's world, you win at any costs. I've always suspected the Patriots were cheating some how but my jealous delusions were mostly fixated on the fact that the referees could be accomplices to this villainous regime. Instead, Captain Belicheat sailed around the rulebook and used the aid of his trusty parrot (camera man)to steal team's signs.

After all, it is easy to attack someone when you know where their going to be. Ah yes, Davy Jones would be proud (or would New England owner Robert Kraft be Davy Jones in this pirate analogy?).

So the only question left is: who is going to be the Peter Pan/Orlando Bloom figure to take down Captain Belicheat and sink his ship of swines for good?

We know the affable Peyton Manning is up to the task (and for that matter Commissioner/Commodore Goodell isn't quite up to the task), and what about the beleaguered J.P. Losman and a desperate Buffalo Bills club on Sunday? With the hype surrounding the greatness of the Pats and the supposed dire situation in Buffalo, an epic upset could be in order, and this upset could the first push down the plank this merry band of victory thieves.

Now let me forget about sports for a second, and celebrate this holiday with a bottle of rum.

The Official 2007 Riding the Pine NFL Preview

2007-09-08T15:18:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like NFL football. When I was younger, a new NFL season met new hope for my favorite team, dominant, star-laden Bills team. It met the virtual Bills winning another Tecmo Super Bowl, with the unnamed RB #34 zig-zagging past the speedy 49ers defense.

In college a new NFL season meant waking up hungover Sunday around newish, hitting up brunch (gotta love the omelet bar) and lounging around all day watching football (and berating the refs for screwing over Buffalo on most Sundays).

Now, I'm not quite sure what a new season of football when have in store for me, or any of the other millions of NFL fans. One good thing, it brings hopes to all cities that their team can be the 99 Rams, the 00 Patriots, 03 Bucs, or any other team to explode out of nowhere and end the season on top of the world.

The wait is now over, and just for fun here are my picks for this season. Who knows, there may even be another underdog that baffles the pundits and wins the Championship...

AFC EAST
predicted order:
1. New England Patriots
2. Buffalo Bills
3. New York Jets
4. Miami Dolphins

I can't stand Brady, I can't stand Brusci, I can't stand Belichick, I can't stand any thing about the what the Patriots have become. I miss the days where they were the laughingstock of the league, 2 guaranteed victories (although rarely easy) for the Bills and I miss their comical red uniforms and goofy Patriot Pat logo.

Now they're perceived as a classy team just because they win a lot. There's no doubt that they're great and with a big free agent spending spree (and several crafty trades as well) the Pats will be good again. But there's not much classy about this organization. Nearly everytime I watch them, they're taunting opponents after victory, crying about the refs after losing (which is pretty ironic considering how many wins they have collected over the years with assistance from dubious officiating), and delivering cheap shots.

But none of that matters, as long as they have Brady and Belichick, then they will be a postseason threat - and unfortunately the frontrunners in the AFC East. However, they are without two key cogs in the defense (Harrison and Seymour) for the first quarter of the season and they're schedule is also somewhat difficult. They'll still win 11 or 12 games, but won't be the near perfect juggernaut that some people may think.

As for the rest of the division, the Bills were better than the Jets last year, but New York's schedule was considerably easier. New Jersey (oops, I mean New York) will be better this year and will be head-to-head with my Bills all year long. I think this is the year that Losman out plays the quarterbacks in Miami and New York and that will be enough to boost this young talented roster to second in the division and even be in the wildcard hunt.

Of course, the Bills are one of the teams that are the hardest to predict. The speedy defense could be a ball-hawking unit that gives up some yardage but always comes through in the clutch, or they could be a group of undersized youngsters that get ran all over and keep the equally unpredictable offense of the field. I say "equally unpredictable offense" because nobody knows how much improvement has been made by this year's version of the offensive line. That could make-or-break the rookie season of talented Cal back Marshawn Lynch. I think Lee Evans (and maybe Jason Peters or Derrick Dockery) will make the Pro Bowl and Losman's season will start buzz that he could be a top ten QB and a future Pro Bowler in the Quarterback loaded AFC.

The one constant in Buffalo is that the special teams will be awesome, Moorman is a legend at the punting position and this unit could be responsible for some extra wins and maybe even a few upsets. I just hope that coach Jauron will take a page from the book of Special teams coach Bobby April and play lay off the conservative stuff for some more aggressive and creative options.

I'm thinking 8-8 or 9-7 for the Bills, but since I'm optimistic, I'll send some positive karma to Orchard Park and predict a 9-7 finish for the Bills and a shot at breaking the playoff drought.

As for the Dolphins, they're going to be bad this year. I'll leave it at that.

AFC North
predicted order:
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Baltimore Ravens
3. Cincinnati Bengals
4. Cleveland Browns

The Steelers will surprise this year with a new coach, but the same winning formula: a bonecrunching defense and a solid running game. Big Ben may be slightly overrated (he played horrible in Super Bowl XL and most of last year), but I still believe he's a good quarterback and with solid talent around him he has shown he can win some games.

The Ravens will still have a great defense and will be a tough game on anyone's schedule. But I don't see enough offensive talent for the to continue to be in the same stratosphere as the Big 3 (Colts, Pats, Chargers). Their McOffense, led by McNair and McGahee does not have enough skill to repeat their great season from last year.

The Bengals will be competitive in the division as well, in fact this is a division race that may go down to the final weeks. I could see them finishing with the same record as Baltimore even, but falling to 3rd in the division via the tiebreaker. And the Browns will struggle. I'm hoping that the young nucleus of this team will eventually ripen and turn let Cleveland out of their spot at the top of the draft every year. They will play at a Miami level this year though (which isn't good). But who knows maybe Brady Quinn will turn out to be the QB of the future and will make the citizens of Miami pull a Dexter on new coach Cam Cameron (by the way, Dexter is a great show).

AFC South
predicted order:
1. Indianapolis Colts
2. Houston Texans
3. Jacksonville Jaguars
4. Tennessee Titans

The Colts will dominate, the rest of the division is a toss-up. The Texans have a solid defense and I like their coach so I think they will surprise and finish around 7-9. Jacksonville will take a huge step down and so will the Titans. They'll both have similar records to Houston but none of them will make the playoffs. I really like the tandem of Vince Young and Jeff Fisher and I hate slating them to be last in the division (especially since they played so well against the Bills last year) but I think the overall talent in Nashville isn't sufficient enough to win enough games in this league.

AFC West
predicted order:
1. San Diego Chargers
2. Denver Broncos
3. Oakland Raiders
4. Kansas City Chiefs

The coaching changes in Bolt-land make me nervous, but there's enough talent their to win a Super Bowl. And with the will of players like Tomlinson and Merriman (even if he's not as good as the Steroid Shawne version) could lead to the unthinkable headline: Norv Turner Coaches Chargers to First Super Bowl Victory.

The Broncos will be good again, but will still have to fight for a playoff spot (and will eventually be doomed by their opening day loss to Buffalo?)

Both Oakland and Kansas City appear to be a mess. Poor Lane Kiffin. Poor Larry Johnson.

NFC East
predicted order:
1. Philadelphia Eagles
2. Dallas Cowboys
3. Washington Redskins
4. New York Giants

I don't get what everyone has against Donovon McNabb these days. He'll shut them up this year when he leads a talented Eagles squad back to the Super Bowl.

Dallas will be a streaky team, at times looking like a great team, and at times losing to teams that they should stampede over. In the end, they will fail to meet some lofty expectations and T.O. will blame everyone but himself and either a)star in a ESPN reality show or b) write a crappy egocentric book, in the offseason.

Speaking of failing to meet expectations, this will be the last years coaching in their respective cities for Tom Coughlin and Hall-of-Famer Joe Gibbs.

NFC North
predicted order:
1. Chicago Bears
2. Minnesota Vikings
3. Detroit Lions
4. Green Bay Packers

The Bears won't be as good as last year, but will still dominate the division. The Vikings will win despite some shaky play from Jackson (but will be boosted by super rookie Adrian Peterson) and the Lions and Packers will struggle. Maybe Detroit will even be prompted to extend Matt Millen's contract since that seems to be the tradition after each crappy season his teams have.

NFC South
predicted order:
1. New Orleans Saints
2. Carolina Panthers
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
4. Atlanta Falcons

The Saints will come out on top of the worst division in football. The Saints could go deep into the playoffs again, but I've been surprised to see so many people pick them to not only make it to the Super Bowl, but win it too. They're not that good, and I though that even before Thursday's 41-10 drubbing.

Last years trendy Super Bowl team, the Panthers, will miss the playoffs again this year. I thought Jake Delhomme outplayed Tom Brady in Super Bowl XXXVIII (and that's not a knock against the game's MVP), but he's clearly not the same guy now. He's probably not any better than backup David Carr at this point.

The Bucs could have as many QBs on their roster as wins (4), and the Falcons have Joey Harrington as their starting QB and the lingering effects of Michael Vick's disgusting acts against them.

On a somewhat side note, I recently finished reading A Confederacy of Dunces (a great read), and I thought that would be a great group name for athletes like Vick and (Ms.) Pacman Jones. For example, "wow did you see that Vick got sentenced to five years in prison and was inducted into the Confederacy of Dunces, NFL version. I think it would be fitting for Vick to have to wear a dunce cap around, and occasionally that same dunce cap would be filled with dog feces first (courtesy of the karma police). And my collection of dunces would also include Leonard Little, who is inexplicably still allowed to play football, even though he is responsible for ending someone's life. How can someone feel right about employing that guy, or rooting for him?

Anyway, now that that tangent is over on to the last remaining division:

NFC West
predicted order:
1. Seattle Seahawks
2. St. Louis Rams
3. San Francisco 49ers
4. Arizona Cardinals

This will be another competitive division. Seattle remains the best of the bunch, St. Louis will benefit from an MVP-type season from Steven Jackson, the Niners will be average. They'll show glimpses of taking it to the next level, but everybodys chic pick will disappoint in the end.

Matt Leinart will put up great numbers, he might even sneak into the Pro Bowl. But that won't translate to wins, the Cardinals are a far cry from USC, sorry.

AFC Wildcard teams:
Ravens
Bills (I couldn't resist, besides they need someone to have a little faith in them, they'll be this year's version of last year's Jets...only a little better)

NFC Wildcard teams:
1. Cowboys
2. Rams

Offensive Rookie of the Year:
Adrian Peterson (Lynch will still have an impressive year but won't take home this prize)

Defensive Rookie of the Year:
Paul Posluszny (he will be a tackling machine and an instant fan favorite)

MVP:
Peyton Manning (a boring pick, but he's too good and the Colts are too good. Plus I would make myself sick to the stomach if I picked Brady here)

Super Bowl: San Diego Chargers over Philadelphia Eagles (the heads of analysts everywhere explodes as Norv Turner does the impossible and gets the better of his coaching counterparts named Belichick, Dungy, Billick, Shanahan and Reid).

No matter what happens on opening Sunday it should be a great day. And even if the Bills lose, at least I can still laugh at the end of the day thanks to another grand return: the return of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

And as Larry David would say, this season should be prettay, prettay, prettay, good.

Ready for some football (and lots of beer too)

2007-09-06T16:51:00.000-07:00

My NFL preview has been delayed due to work and lack of time on a computer, however, I haven't forgotten the big game tonight and I'm here to make an educated guess on how the season will start.

This should be a good game between two teams that some people say could meet again at the end of the year in Super Bowl XLII (or Super Bowl 42 to the Willis McGahee's of the world trying to decipher the Roman Numerals).

I'm not one of those people.

In fact, I don't have Indy, New Orleans, New England, Chicago or Dallas going to the Super Bowl. But I'll save my pick for the next column(I'll give hint though, it features a suffering fanbase losing to another to a team that will win their first Super Bowl).

As for tonight, I've got to go with the defending champs, Peyton Manning and the Colts. I was even tempting to pick the Colts as repeat champions, if any team can overcome a loaded conference and questionable defense it's Indy and their affable quarterback.

I think they will demonstrate that the AFC still reigns as the premier conference by defeating a very skilled Saints team. There's no question that the Saints are fun to watch (Brees, Bush, Colston) and easy to root for (everyone will continue to rally around New Orleans). And their coach Sean Payton is a perfect fit for the team, it's certainly an interesting coaching matchup between the offensive scientist Payton and the defensive minded, best-selling author Dungy. While Dungy still has a slight edge (based on experience), I would still take Payton over another sophomore head coach, the over-rated Eric Mangini (and I will forever loathe whoever dubbed him the "Mangenius").

Anyway, only 10 minutes until game time and I still have to run out and by some beer, so my prediction: Colts 28 Saints 22

NFL Preview .... Coming Soon

2007-09-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

Thursday marks the beginning of another NFL Season, which means another chance for the Buffalo Bills to shock the world and capture Vince Lombardi's Trophy.

So, am I predicting the unthinkable, do I actually think the rookie-laden squad of young Bills can claim sport's ultimate prize?

Well, I'll disclose that in my NFL Preview, which should be posted sometime before the Colts-Saints kick off the season Thursday night. I'll tell you on thing though, my Super Bowl pick does not include the popular pick of Patriots-Saints, I don't think either will get to the Bowl.

Also included in the preview, I'll put down my guesses for each division, awards, the great teams, the bad teams and the teams that everyone thinks will be good, but will suck.

And of course, there will be bonus material, including the beginning of a new era in Pittsburgh, not the Mike Tomlin era. The Steely McBeam era. Yes, it's true one of the most crazed mascots ever was in existence to make the cut in my mascot column in April, but just look at the picture of this guy. He makes the rabid Spurs mascot look like Mickey Mouse. Furthermore, if Steely becomes the first mascot to go on a murderous Grand Theft Auto type rampage because of his Cowher-esque chin and homoerotic name, then I don't tell you that I didn't warn you.

So make sure to check out the upcoming preview, and remember: if Appalachian St. can beat Michigan in the Big House, then why can't an underdog (like the Bills), win the Super Bowl?

I guess that's why they play the games.

Barry Bonds: MLB Homerun King?

2007-08-07T21:32:00.001-07:00

I don't know if it was sheer curiosity or the fact that I for some reason should witness history, but I tuned in tonight to ESPN 2 to watch the Barry Bonds Show (and that's what it is because the Giants and Nats are two putrid teams to watch).

And this is an historic night, either way you look at it. Baseball is driven by the long ball and the homerun record isn't exactly broken every year. Plus, it's a historic night for cheaters as well. I mean, is there anyone out there who thinks Bonds is the true homerun king? That he never used steroids? Even the fans that pack AT&T park every night in San Fran can't be naive enough to think that their hero is a natural specimen. Probably Bonds own family (wife, son, even Godfather Willie Mays) must have their doubts.

I don't want to dwell on these issues (should there be an asterisk, how much has performance-enhancers helped Bonds out,etc.) too much since they've been written about millions of times, instead I want to comment one the spectacle that proceeded Bonds blast off poor Mike Bacsik. Interestingly enough, at the time I was reading a book called Blink by Malcolm Gladwell while I was waiting for Bonds' at bats. The book is about "the power of thinking without thinking," and details the split decisions and initial reactions that we make.
So, I tried to recall the first thing I thought when I saw the ball explode off the bat and Bonds raised his hands triumphantly.

My thoughts were strangely hollow, considering this should have been an epic MLB moment. I was glad it was over with, mainly so the spotlight can turn away from Bonds. I really wished that he would have hit this homer on the road (although everyone knew it would come in San Fran). A road's crowd reaction would have been priceless, a magnified chorus of mixed boos and embarrassed cheers that filled the air in San Diego when Barry tied the record.

After a few minutes of the nauseating firework display and countless shots of Bonds pointing to the sky, I was wishing that ESPN would show the replay of the scrum in the right field bleachers. That was an interesting facet of this story, who managed to wrangle this ball, which was essentially a nicely stitched orb of thousands of dollars, from dozens of other crazed people? What would become of this guy? Oh, and wouldn't it be funny if the person who got this ball was someone who wasn't even a Giants fan, someone who loathed Barry Bonds? Tell me that wouldn't make a great ESPN miniseries in 2017.

I also wish there was a camera in Bud Selig's house to document his reaction. I imagine him in a dark room with the curtains pulled down, empty beer bottles spread across the floor, with him going over how he was going to address the media about this, until he was mumbling to himself like Jack Nicholson is The Shining. Eventually he would fall asleep crying, using the pages from Jose Canseco's newest book as Kleenex.

Sad. But priceless nonetheless (and I think Selig has done a good job, certainly better than Bettman, this is just a tough spot for him to be in).

And what was Hank Aaron doing on the jumbotron congratulating Bonds? He may have figured that one day his record would be broken, but come on, not this way. I would get made if someone beat my high score in Frogger simply because they found a glitch in the game and used that loophole to topple my record, so how could he not be infuriated that this big-headed jerk broke one of the most hallowed records ever by injecting some steroids into his ass?

Furthermore, I could have done without hearing Bonds thank everyone and being cheered like a hero. If I'm a member of the Nationals, then I don't know if I would want Barry to thank me after hitting that ball. As of right now, 1AM Eastern Time, the Nats are winning 8-6, and I would love to see them win this game. Of course, Bonds doesn't care, he decided leaving the game to yet another curtain call is more important then winning.

Putting himself ahead of the team again, what a hero.

While he was thanking everyone, he even mentioned that he would remember this day for the rest of his life. Now, I'm not a fan of the guy and I don't wish him any ill will. But the sad truth is "the rest of his life" may not be that longer. Yeah, Barry, sorry but these things called steroids have some side effects too.

Hopefully, this won't end in anything tragic like that. Hopefully someone like A-Rod, Pujols, Miguel Cabrera or even some unknown prodigy (Ryan Braun?) will someday break the record by using nothing more than a wooden bat and their God-given talent. But for now the record books will state that Barry Lamar Bonds is the home run king. I can't help but wonder why a guy who has the talent to be a first-ballot Hall of Famer without any help (like Bonds), would be compelled to tarnish how he is remembered by messing with steroids. I mean what is better, to be know as one of the all-time great players that can do everything well or as a guy who is known in the record books as the greatest power-hitter but also who's name has become synonymous with cheating?

Now, I read something in the D&C the other day that I liked, it was a quote from a blog and it stated that instead of an asterisk next to the record, there should be a question mark. The symbol that is the very definition of uncertainty and doubt. I like that idea, everywhere that displays the records should always read:

Barry Bonds, All-time Homerun Leader ?

All hail the 'Thurmanator'

2007-08-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

"If it is to be, than it's up to me" - Thurman Thomas

Yesterday my all-time favorite NFL player was inducted in to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Thurman Thomas, to me is everything great about the sport and about the Buffalo Bills.

The first NFL game I ever watched was the Greatest Comeback playoff game against gunner Warren Moon and the behemoths dressed in white and powder blue known as the Houston Oilers. Sure, I watched other Bills games before that, my dad is a huge fan too and I remember the jubilation's of the Bills pulverizing the Raiders to reach their first Super Bowl. And I remember the heartbreak having the Vince Lombardi trophy being kicked out of our hands and fall in to the lap of some guy who inexplicably likes to be called Tuna. Still, I was only in Kindergarten for that game, I was in bed long before shoddy tackling and one infamous kick would deflate the spirits of an entire region.

It wasn't until the Bills stunned the Oilers that I really watched a game, and by watched i just don't mean physically watch it (I had done that before), but to pout my heart into the Bills - and become a true fan of the Red, White and Blue team from Orchard Park. I knew all the Bills were - I knew the legendary QB Jim Kelly, his equally legendary back-up Frank Reich, I knew Bruce, Andre, Tasker, Talley, Odoms, I even knew lesser known players like Carwell Gardener who happened to be one of several Bills who came to my tiny school in York, New York to play the faculty in a charity basketball game. And I already knew who my favorite player was - the Thurmanator.

Of course, I didn't even realize how lucky I was to be able to watch the comeback - the game was blacked out locally, but we had a satellite dish and were able to watch it. My Uncle left at half time (only to make a grand reappearance in the 4th after stopping in a gas station and hearing the seemingly miraculous close score). I never stopped watching, I should have given up and went and played with my Ninja Turtles instead or went and played outside. But I couldn't leave, I just couldn't do it, even though the star QB was out and my favorite player was hurt as well. And in the end, myself and the rest of the faithful Bills nation were rewarded (on that day anyway) with a game that is unmatched in the history of football.

Anyway, my point is that when I think about how much i love the NFL and the Bills I think of this great team, their heyday, and I think about Thurman Thomas.

Thomas should have made it to the Hall last year, in his first year of eligibility, yet he was snubbed again. Apparently the voters had stayed up all night watching tapes of the Greatest Comeback and determined that Warren Moon was more worthy. In my book, not many players are more worth than Thomas and I'm not just saying that because I'm not just saying that because I'm a member of Thurmanator fan club (this was a real fan club that I became a member in when I was a kid, I got a autographed picture, an awesome T-shirt that donned his slogan: "If it is to be, than it's up to me", a keychain and a water bottle). In my mind, he ranks with Barry Sanders and Emmitt Smith as the premier ballcarriers of that era.

Watching his highlights this weekend was simply great. This guy could do things that can only be described as awesome. He was as versatile as Jack White and helped to revolutionize the running back position, thus opening the door for talents like Marshall Faulk and LaDanian Tomlinson. Watching the highlight of Thurman slicing through the G-men's defense in Super Bowl XXV was especially moving. It showed the best of this great player and made the "what if..." button in my brain explode. Thomas should have been the MVP of that game, regardless of where that one kick landed.

It wasn't always good for Thurman, he had some moments that were certainly not worthy of his great talent. The lost helmet (which I'm glad he could joke about during his acceptance speech), the Super Bowl fumbles, becoming a Dolphin (If I ever master the art of time travel and I'll make sure this doesn't happen so we can all be spares the image of number 34 in teal and orange).

He was definitely a character, and he learned to love the city of Buffalo. He still bonds with us, the fans, roots for the Sabres and even asked Bills legend Marv Levy to introduce him in Canton. And this got me thinking about another running back with character, something to prove, and the ability to run, catch and block: Marshawn Lynch.

When Thomas was drafted the Bills desperately needed a tailback, and he had a strong rookie campaign that allowed a young team make the playoffs for the first time in seven years and he helped to jumpstart a dynasty. I think I see some parallels with Mr. Lynch. The Bills haven't made the playoffs in seven years and have a young, promising roster that is led by Marv Levy. To imply that Lynch will be as great as the 1991 League MVP is a stretch to say right now, but it's a nice thing to think about. It gives us fans something we always strive for - hope. Hope that out team will someday reach the Ultimate Football Nirvana.

But for now we at least have those proud memories of a team that truly is one of the most remarkable in sporting history, and we can all remember fondly the greatest running back ever to suit up for the Bills - Thermal, the Thurmator, #34 Thurman Thomas.

Late Birthday Wishes

2007-07-22T15:56:00.000-07:00

As you may have noticed from the update in my profile, my birthday was Thursday July 19th (gifts can be mailed to my home in Leicester). As I blew out the candles on my cookie cake (a very underrated cake by the way, I made several wishes. Here they are in no particular order:

A championship from one of my favorite teams (Bills, Sabres or Yankees). This one may seem overly obvious and the same exact wish of the entire male population. Nonetheless, I deserve to celebrate a champion. And as much as I love the Yankees, I think I would like to see one of the Buffalo teams break the Championship seal, it's not like the Yanks are exactly setting the baseball world on fire right now anyway, but if Shelley Duncan can continue to bash balls for the bombers... (and I don't mean bash balls in that way, ok Mr. Hardaway?)

So what are the Bills and/or Sabres chances? Well, we're a ways from either season starting, but as of now, I still think the Sabres have the better chance. Barring some key injuries (which I'm certainly not ruling out) the Sabres seem like a definite playoff team, and from there anything can happen.

On the other side of Western New York, the Bills have a young, promising roster. I trust the personnel on this team and I think J.P. Losman will lead Buffalo back to the playoffs. However, it's hard to tell what will happen. I hope it's the Bills year to finally become "that team" that takes he league by surprise with an unexpected run at the Lombardi Trophy, but I cannot say with full confidence that this will happen. As of right now, I'm thinking a 9-7 season and getting edged out of the playoffs on yet another dubious referee decision

Speaking of refs, wish number two: Certain refs change their ways, and stop screwing over the same teams!

It seems useless and cliched to blame refs, and if your team is winning then you won't notice the flaws as much as the losing side (for examples of this turn to page 136 in the Riding the Pine Sporting Dictionary and search the section labeled New England Patriot fans).

Still, a part of me can't help but wonder if some things may not be as they seem. Especially after the Tim Donaghy NBA scandal. Let's just hope this isn't happening in other sports. Because more scandals like this won't just be blackeye to the NBA (or any other league for that matter), it'll be a blinding blow.

My next wish is that all the news stories containing what I like to call "the usual suspects" cease to exist. This includes anything about people like Pacman Jones, Tank Johnson, TO, Barry Bonds, Ron Artest and the new Keyser Soze of the group: Michael Vick.

I'm sick of these people, and I know you are too. The one good thing is that I may have found a way to circumvent all the hoopla around the usual suspects. I've trained my brain so that any time I hear their names coming from my TV, I immediately break out into a non-life threatening seizure. This method isn't perfect, but it's better than the alternative. As a bonus, I can train other people this skill as well, and maybe even learn to detonate the seizures at the sound of Stephen A. Smith's voice as well.

Well, my birthday thread has turned more negative than I would have like, so this will be my last wish, and I'm about 99% sure it will come to fruition. I wish that the Harry Potter series comes to a satisfying conclusion that is equally as magnificent as the rest of the series. I'm cheating on this a little too, because I'm already 500 pages into the final installment and I can say that it has been excellent (tough to even out down just so I can write this).

And if only I had some magic in me too, the rest of my wishes would come true too...

Who's Now? Who Cares

2007-07-17T13:02:00.000-07:00

I know there's not a whole lot of exciting stories going on in the sports world right now, but does ESPN really have to stoop this low?

Of course, I'm talking about ESPN's "Who's Now" segment that let's fans decide who is more "now." This is great, I can't even begin to tell you how many nights I've layed awake wondering who would win a "who's Now" poll between Derek Jeter and Sidney Crosby. If it was who's more accomplished Jeter would win easily, and if it's who has a better future, the answer is Crosby. But since it's a poll that makes no sense and instead of having a real meaning has a vague title (like who's now), it's a toss-up. Or merely a pointless popularity contest, another example of ESPN caring more about names and personalities than quality.

Seriously, when this idea was brought up, the person responsible should have been mocked and ridiculed. Instead we have a segment that it seems like everyone hates (except for the good folks in Bristol apparently). I can't think of anyone I know who thinks this thing is good, relevant or even remotely entertaining. It hypes players like Matt Leinart, who if you ask someone like Trey Wingo, is a great NFL quarterback. He might be someday, but he isn't now. He didn't exactly tear up a mediorce division last year, even with a slew of great weapons. And no one in Buffalo can be "Now" because they are cool enough to be in mentioned by the network that employs hip people like John Clayton and Stat Boy.

Anyway, to mock this once solid network, Riding the Pine has come up with a better version of who's now. Here's a sample of the brackets:

David Beckham vs. Harry Potter

Harry doesn't have much time for Quidditch anymore, but he gets a pass because of the whole Voldemort, saving the Wizard World thing. On the other hand, Beckham is another Brit who has been charged with saving something that is going to be difficult to save. I love soccer, always have, and even I don't care about Beckham playing with the L.A. Galaxy. And Beckham could never catch the Golden Snitch over Harry. I'm not sure but they both might have to deal with witches... (at least the witches in Harry's world aren't embarking on a Spice Girls reunion tour). Advantage: Harry Potter

Willis McGahee vs. My Left Nut

Similar personalities, but at least one can shut up and get the job done. Advantage: Not McGahee

Gary Bettman vs. David Stern

The battle to ruin to great leagues is on. But, there's a clear winner here. Stern managed to banish Bettman to hockey where he has promptly destroyed the NHL and has even managed to have a useless lockout and secure television rights with cable channel 69 in Rochester (also known as VS). His next task: promote Barry Melrose to be his right hand man and personal hair stylist. Advantage: Definitely not fans of the NBA or NHL

America's Got Talent vs. Sportscenter

I could go defecate on the stage and I would be demonstrating more talent than some of the people that have actually appeared on this program, where America's talent is judged by a 2/3s British panel. Of course the real paradox here is, how can three people with so little talent (David Hasslehoff, Sharon Osbourne and the British guy with Simon Cowell pictures stuck up his bum) judge others on their talent? The answer: they can't. Another paradox is: how can a show that features "Who's Now," be included on the list for the "Who's Now" competition? The answer is the same way many people feel about this whole Who's Now scam: Who cares. Advantage: anyone who avoids America's Got Talent

USA, USA, USA!

2007-07-06T09:55:00.000-07:00

Just a few quick notes following the Fourth of July:

First off, I can't believe this day has come. The day where Kobayashi failed to win the Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest. But it's certainly about time that an American claimed the title, and he all should be proud of the fact that Joey Chestnut downed 66 dogs in the 12-minute span of the contest.

This contest has a perfect recipe of competitiveness, comedy, grossness and American tradition. In fact, I'm just waiting for this event to be the stage for the next Dodgeball type movie about underdogs. The only question is who would play the part of Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, and who would be Kobayashi? I'm thinking Paul Reubens as Chestnut and Jet Li as Kobayashi. Directed by Ben Stiller. This could follow in the tradition of entertaining/great 4th of July movies like Independence Day and Transformers.

Speaking of Independence Day traditions, we are now well into the 2007 MLB season. Of course, the Yankees season has been a disappointment. They've gotten great play from A-Rod (MVP type year), Jeter, Posada and the occasional gem by a pitcher like Wang. But with such a weak bullpen and inconsistent pitching all around. I'm starting to doubt the Yanks ability to claim the AL Wildcard.

To make matters worse, my fantasy baseball team is struggling even worse than the Steinbrenner's crew. I have some solid pitching in Santana, Verlander, Wang and Oswalt. But injuries (B.J. Ryan) and disappointments have flooded my roster (what was I thinking drafting someone as loony as Manny Ramirez? And taking Santana over A-Rod is proving to be fatal). I cut loose some dead weight (Jermaine Dye, Delmon Young, Richie Sexson) so hopefully I can at least avoid the embarrassment of a last place finish.

And on a final note, I'm happy to find out that as of today Thomas Vanek will be a Sabre for a long time. Buffalo just recently announced that they have matched the Edmonton Oilers offer sheet, meaning that their top goal scorer will remain a Sabre and help to bring a shred of optimism to this dreadful NHL offseason. And of course this means another U.S. victory over Canada.

USA, USA, USA! Now, excuse me, I have some hot dogs to eat and fire works to set off Not really, but you still gotta love this patriotic holiday(that is, unless you're the guy who has to clean up after the Hot Dog eating contest).

State of the Sabres Address II

2007-07-02T19:44:00.000-07:00

During today's press conference with Larry Quinn and Darcy Regier, the pair exclaimed that the sky is not falling for the Buffalo Sabres. That may be true, but after the events of yesterday (known around these parts as black Sunday, or maybe it's green Sunday for a certain pair of former Sabres), it's hard to argue that Buffalo's win total won't be falling.

The Sabres have still not made a move, and the free agent market is quickly dwindling. Buffalo can still salvage some extra talent from what's left in the free agent pool (a pool which has been violated by the New York Rangers). But the first priority is to sign restricted free agents Thomas Vanek and Derek Roy. And maybe even try to convince Dainius Zubrus to stick around for a while.

Some quality defenseman still remain possibilities as well: Sheldon Souray (a big guy with a nasty shot, he would be a big asset on the powerplay, Brad Stewart (add some needed toughness). If Teppo Numinen decides he would like to play for at least another year, then he becomes a must sign as well (it seems like every year the eventual Champion has a skilled older player who's never won the Cup. I believe Numinen is that guy for Buffalo).

There are also some long-shot possibilities at forward. I would love to have the Finnish Flash Teemu Selanne for a year or two but I rank this as a long-shot level 9.9 (roughly the same odds that I have scoring a date with Jessica Alba or Ralph Nader becoming President). Selanne is probably going to retire or sign a one-year contract to help defend the Ducks Title, and certainly wouldn't want to relocate across the country. But there's no denying that he would fit in great with the Sabres high octane offense. There aren't many other forwards to go after. There's Brendan Shanahan (probably going to re-sign with New York Ranger$), and there's Michael Peca (you know, that undersized former Sabre captain who's washed up. I hope Flyers fans get used to that sentence because that's how Briere will be described when he's in the middle of that monster contract. Another available center is Alexi Yashin, and I don't think there's many ways to make this offseason worse for the Sabres...unless they sign Yashin, that will make things ten times worse.

I am admittedly bitter towards our former Captains for leaving; however,there's no way I'll ever boo one of these guys. They've helped resurrect the franchise and they entered the lexicon of Sabres that I will always remember. I even believe Briere that he wanted to stay in Buffalo, and left not just because of the large pay increase but also because management made him feel unwanted. Seriously, they couldn't have screwed up that situation any worse than they did. As for Drury, the front office knew the importance of resigning him; unfortunately, so did the front office of the team that he always dreamed of playing for (Damn you Rangers).

So while I woke up this morning hoping that yesterday never happened, or that they discovered that it wasn't really Briere that signed with Philly, but a young French-Canadian child who just looked like the 2007 All-Star Game MVP, I've not reached the point where I'm trying to accept these changes with the team. Like most fans, I even try to talk myself into the possibility that Buffalo will be better of in the long run.

Regier is right though, the sky isn't falling, but you certainly can't blame Sabres fans for wanting an umbrella just in case.

Sabres Update (aka why I'm currently smashing my head on my keyboard)

2007-07-01T20:20:00.001-07:00

Well, it's official. Today is one of the worst days in Sabres history.

Chris Drury decided to stay in New York State, but with Buffalo's Eastern Conference rival the New York Rangers. Good thing the NHL robbed us of a year of hockey to get a salary cap and make sure big market teams don't have a huge advantage. Otherwise the Rangers would be able to sign Drury, Scott Gomez, and pay Jagr superstar money. Oh wait, I forgot the NHL is run by the one of the most incompetent commissioners ever Gary Bettman.

I thought the Sabres could at least make a run at Smyth, but he signed with the Avs, Jason Blake (who would have fit in well) signed with another rival in Toronto. Now, like I said earlier I don't think this is the apocalypse for the Sabres, but this certainly is a kick to the groin for the organization. And, trust me, there's no other way to put it - it's the equivalent of someone dangling the fabled Stanley Cup over the heads of the collective Sabres fan base, and when we're looking up, Bettman and some of our biggest rivals come up and decide to smash us in the groin with a hockey stick. Several times too, and then for good measure Danny Briere and Chris Drury come by and run over our hearts with a Zamboni. And I shouldn't say it's the equivalent, because this literally happened to the Blue and Gold faithful.

I'm sure that by the time the season opener rolls around I'll be more confident in the product that the Sabres are putting on the ice, but for now, I can't help what could have (and possibly should have)been...

Thanks for the memories Captain Drury, Captain Briere, you guys will always be Sabres to this guy.

Goodbye Danny B. (Don't Let Drury follow you out the door)

2007-07-01T13:45:00.000-07:00

Also in this column: why the Flyers still suck

This moment may have seemed inevitable, but it still is an emotional sting when a beloved Sabre cuts his ties with the blue and gold.

In this case, it's Daniel Briere who has traded in his slug uniform for 52 million dollars and a chance to play for one of the league's worse teams for 8 years (well, I guess the Flyers could get better, but I'm guessing not and I'll explain this more later).

It seems the Sabres low-balled Briere with the 5-year 25 million dollar deal they offered him earlier in the week. The unfortunate irony here is that if they had offered that to him last year he would still be a Sabre and not in the "Screw you Darcy Regier" Club with Marty Biron. This is not to say that Reiger has done a bad job, because he actually has been one of the best, if not the best GM in the league. He built and helped develop this awesome President's Cup winning roster. But when we look back his body of work in a few years, his downfall may prove to be summed up with the mention of one faithful day. That day being today, July 1, 2007.

Of course, today could be the doomsday in Buffalo, but there is still hope. For starters, the Sabres are still a young, supremely talented squad with a clutch Star goalie (ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ryan Miller), and one of the best coaches in the game (take a bow Lindy Ruff, Bryan Murray wishes he had the skills you do). And as of now (5 pm on Sunday), there's still a chance that Captain Clutch himself will still resign with Buffalo. Rampant speculation is that Drury will sign with a west coast team, but I'm still holding out hope that Drury wants to be the guy to bring the Cup to Buffalo. He still hasn't rejected Buffalo's secretive offer to him and maybe if he sees plans to turn City Hall into a giant Stanley Cup replica then that will be the clincher to stay.

And of course, this could all be moot before I'm even done typing this column. So what does Buffalo do if they lose their second captain?

They can always pursue Ryan Smyth. He's a guy with enough heart, skill and ambition to became our newest Chris Drury. Seeing Smyth in a Swords uniform would be the closest thing to erasing the pain of losing two of the most revered hockey players this area has seen in a while. It would almost be like having Daniel Craig replace Pierce Bronson as James Bond. Sure, it seems like the wrong move but in the end, things could get better, the Casino Royale version of the Sabres may even trump the old,loved Goldeneye version of the Sabres (and I'm not going into any Sean Connery version of the Sabres, there's just no need for it).

Still, signing Smyth probably is as likely as getting Drury to resign. In this case, there's not much Buffalo can or should attempt to do in free agency. They could still go after a tough, rugged defensemen (they need some grit in the playoffs) and maybe try to add a player with good size and skill (Zubrus would be a logical choice to stay with the Sabres). And the only other thing to do is pray, pray that their young talent will take it to the next level and the 2007-08 Sabres will be that team that appears worse than the past few years, even struggle a bit, but they put it together in the postseason and some how win a title (you know the type, right 2006 St. Louis Cardinals?).

Before I end this, I wanted to finish my above thoughts and the Philadelphia Flyers. They'll certainly be better next year but when has signing a way several key players from a great team ever won a championship? Ever? Not that I can recall. Stealing away two players from a hated rival may seem like a surefire way to weaken the enemy and create a buzz around your franchise, but I don;t see the aging tandem of Briere and Biron putting the Flyers past the Sabres. In fact, it reminds me a lot of the Bills grabbing Bledsoe and Milloy away from the Patriots. That worked out as well Gobots. Wait, you don't remember Gobots? They were a cheap rip-off of the Transformers. And that's all the Flyers will be, a cheap rip-off of the Sabres.

Now, I just hope I won't be biting my tongue when Gobots the movie comes out next summer.

The Return

2007-06-12T21:06:00.000-07:00

My days of writing for the Cardinal Courier are over, but that doesn't mean the end of riding the pine. The Summer editions will start up soon, and they'll have a different feel from my past columns.

This includes the addition of more non-sports related topics to riff on, namely reviews of different books(Chuck Palahniuk's new one is a good read and of course the Harry Potter finale), movies (Knocked Up is already in the upper echelon of great comedies) and music (new discs from the White Stripes, Arctic Monkeys and Wilco in a matter of months is a great thing). I may even include my post graduation synopsis entitled, "Have A Good Life."

As for the sports side, there's still plenty to cover including summer baseball and a watch on all my favorite squads (Yanks, Bills and of course the pivotal off-season for the Sabres).

In conclusion, there's plenty of room left on the bench, and die hard benchwarmers (aka the Riding the Pine fan club) may even be rewarded with the long awaited announcement of this column's official mascot...

(cut to black)

The Finale

2007-04-18T16:02:00.000-07:00

This column was originally published in the Volume 6 - Issue 12 - April 18, 2007 edition of the award-winning Cardinal Courier

So, it’s come down to this, my final column in the Cardinal Courier. And this one is going to be all about the man behind Riding the Pine: me (break out the Kleenex, because this one could get emotional).

Some of you may have not realized I was a senior (due to my boyish good looks), but I am. I have only written for the Courier for 3 years though, because I joined my sophomore year. My first duty at the Courier was to write movie reviews with my friend Luke, which was a pretty sweet gig even though I’m still waiting to get reimbursed for those films. But, it was still fun and it helped to introduce me to the Courier community. (This reminds me, Democrat and Chronicle, if you’re looking for a new movie reviewer, I will work for cheap).

Both the Courier and the campus itself, has changed immensely throughout my tenure here. For example, does anyone else remember the beach volleyball area outside Haffey? Or how about when you could get late night dining at the Fishbowl at 7, instead of 8? And believe it or not freshmen, that giant construction zone in the center of campus used to be a nice little spot called Lavery Lawn. A place where people could toss a disc around, play a round of frolf (frisbee-golf) or just hang out by the picnic tables.

That last part may seem a little negative, but I’m just doing something that we all do: reminisce on good times. When I look back at my time here, I’ll block out most of the negative stuff and remember the little things that trigger those good memories. There’s the “drunk stairs” from freshman year, there’s the time Haffey 3 exploded after Aaron Boone’s homerun buried the Red Sox. And then there’s the Unicorns of Death floor hockey squad, the addition of buffalo chicken in the omelets, the intense racquetball matches and the New York trip with the Courier staff.

Ah, good times.

It’s nice to look back and rediscover everything I’ve written for the Courier. My movie reviews, my plead for an on-campus bar and of course the entire Riding the Pine catalogue. It’s been a good year for you benchwarmers (that’s what I’m going to start calling my fan base). In past issues, I’ve predicted the future, voiced my displeasure over the Sabres slug logo, I’ve defended A-Rod and offended T.O. I’ve crossed the border of rowdiness with rival Nazareth (and mocked their affection for purple shirts and wine coolers), I’ve dreamt of Rick Jeanneret narrating my life and I’ve demonstrated the true greatness of mascots. I’ve made some of the most obscure references I could think up, including a sporting Facebook, Darkwing Duck and The Mole. And now it’s come to this, my farewell column.

I’ll still have a Riding the Pine blog (http://ridingthepinesports.blogspot.com/), that has all my past columns and anything new I want to add, but it’s not the same as having my designated spot near Extra Innings in the Courier’s sports section. This makes me realize that even with all the change on campus and at the Courier, I have changed too. Sure, some things are the same. I’m still a twin, I’m still a World Champion (Odyssey of the Mind 2003), I’m still a fan of the Sabres, Bills and Yankees (and I still like to use parentheses when I write). But I know this place has made me a better writer, a smarter individual and dare I say, a better person.

As George Costanza would say, showmanship is important and leaving on a high note always leaves the audience wanting more. After a killer joke, he would say, “that’s it for me” and he would make his triumphant exit.

It’s now time for me to make my exit, so to St. John Fisher I say…
That’s it for me.

Mascot Mania

2007-04-04T17:03:00.000-07:00

This column was originally published in the Volume 6 - Issue 11 - April 4, 2007 edition of the award-winning Cardinal Courier

You enter the arena and the crowd goes wild. You raise your hands in the air and signal for the audience to reach an apex of craziness. You’re impossibly hot, sweating profusely, but there’s pandemonium all around you and you feed off that. Children love you, the drunk guys in the upper deck love you and women especially love you.

So who are you?

You’re one of the most underrated parts of a sports franchise, you’re the mascot.

Think about it. Mascots are always fun, they do cool tricks and often have hilarious names.

What crowd doesn’t get pumped up when they see Sabretooth propel down from the roof of HSBC Arena before a Sabres game? Or see the Phoenix Suns Gorilla leap through a flaming hoop to throw down a vicious jam?

In some ways the mascot can be the face of a franchise as much as a star player. The mascot is just one of the fans, whether it be the rowdy, shirtless type relentlessly high-fiving others, or the family-friendly type. Plus you’ll never see a mascot leaving through free agency or blasting the team and city after they leave (cough… McGahee…cough). In college athletics the athletes have a maximum shelf life of four years, so long time fans identify the most with the coaches and the school in general (which I like to think is represented by the mascot). The two biggest stars for the Syracuse hoops team has to be: Jim Boeheim number one and Otto the Orange number two.

Of course, there is a chance that the person behind the costume is a jerk. But that doesn’t matter because it’s not about the him/her that dons that uniform, but what that costume represents. It represents the fans and having a good time. And even if the person wearing that costume is an outstanding person, they won’t be recognized in public. For instance, did you know the Suns Gorilla is actually a man named Bob Woolf? Or that David Raymond was the original Phillie Phanatic? You don’t know their names, but their characters are in the Mascot Hall of Fame (along with the San Diego Chicken and a few others).

As I mentioned in my Sabres column a few weeks ago, I love some of the zany names of these mascots (like Sparky the Dragon for the Islanders), but I feel some mascots could be improved to maximize the sheer coolness of their potential.

Let’s start with Anaheim Duck mascot. Now I know they aren’t Mighty any more, but the franchise is missing a key opportunity here. They should step it up and announce Darkwing Duck as their newest mascot. A Ducks game would be a must-see if they had Darkwing swinging from the rafters (and possibly battling NegaDuck too). Awesome.

And what’s up with the Montreal Canadiens mascot Youppi? He’s just an outcast from the defunct Expos. How about an ice-skating Mountie as a mascot that knows how to lay down the law. The San Antonio Spurs need a change too. Currently their team is represented by a coyote that wears a Tim Duncan jersey and sports two giant green orbs as its eyes. It may as well be named: Rabies, the child-scaring mascot. They should have a cowboy, or even something simple as a giant spur. There’s no reason to have an animal as a mascot just because it seems simpler.

In fact that’s what this column is missing. If you have any good costume ideas then send me an email because the Riding the Pine mascot is going to be the next great sports figure. Just don’t ask it to jump through a flaming hoop.

2001: A Riding The Pine Odyssey

2007-03-21T15:57:00.000-07:00

This column was originally published in the Volume 6 - Issue 10 - March 21, 2007 edition of the award-winning Cardinal Courier

If you’ve ever watched Late Night with Conan O’Brien, then I’m sure you’re familiar with the running gig where Conan and a guest predict the near future as La Bomba provides the high-pitched title: “In the year 2000…” Well, this skit got me thinking about what the future of the sporting world looks like. Since Conan is an avid reader of my column, I’ll avoid angering him by calling this segment of Riding the Pine: “In the year 2001…” (You’re welcome NBC).

In the year 2001… both the Buffalo Bills and the Baltimore Ravens will get a deal from the Willis McGahee trade. The Bills will deploy a running back-by-committee system that will be able to do things that McGahee couldn’t (catch passes, pass protect and learn the playbook). Plus there’s the fact the McGahee seemed to hate the city of Buffalo and playing for the Bills. This certainly doesn’t fit into general manager Marv Levy’s ideal type of player and into his overall master plan for the Bills. In Marv I trust!

McGahee is still a very talented back (although not quite the same guy that dominated collegiate defenses in Miami) and he should have a strong season carrying the load for the Ravens. And as an added bonus, the lawyers in Baltimore have to be excited with the prospects of dealing with several paternity against McGahee. Eventually, he will become Flavor Flav’s successor on Flavor of Love 2: Women Who Love Neck Tattoos.

In the year 2001… not to be out done by McGahee, Tom Brady will continue his own streak of illegitimate children when it’s discovered that Patriot Pat is pregnant.

In the year 2001… director of athletics at Princeton University and the chair of the Division I Men's Basketball Committee Gary Walters will be relieved of his duties as the committee leader when a it’s discovered that he forgot to add Syracuse to the bracket simply because he was hungover after a night of partying in Vegas with Titans DB Pac-Man Jones.

In the year 2001… a Cinderella team (similar George Mason in 2006) will do the unthinkable and win the NCAA tournament causing Dick Vitale’s head to simultaneously combust. Actually, I’m mentioning Vitale because I think the criticism of him is sometimes unfair. He brings the same type of enthusiasm as Rick Jeanneret does to hockey games. His catch phrases can still be fun (who doesn’t love the occasional, “yeah baby!”) and he has extensive knowledge of the game. I don’t watch all his games, so maybe my Dickie V. tolerance is higher than others and his perceived bias in favor of Duke doesn’t seem true to me. And, there is also a slight chance that I might be related to him (My mother’s maiden name is Vitale and rumor has it he once called my grandparents).

In the year 2001… Ottawa Senators goon Chris Neil will once again injury a star player with a cheap shot… this time with a flamethrower that he brought on to the ice. However, he leaves the ordeal with no suspension and a fine of $4.99 (roughly the price of a happy meal) because NHL commissioner Gary Bettman and Senior Vice President and Director of Hockey Operations Colin Campbell decide that the incident wasn’t Neil’s fault but instead the other players fault, “because his helment wasn’t on properly and because he failed to wear a flame retardent jersey.”

In the year 2001… Facebook will expand to the sporting world with an exclusive network for athletes. Unfortunately, this will cause some problems after Kobe Bryant and Shaq get into a “poke war” and Willis McGahee sends Maria Sharapova the ambiguous box with a hole for Christmas. Justin Timberlake would approve of this gift as well.

In the year 2001… ABC reinstates Anderson Cooper’s reality show The Mole with a sports theme. The theme of the show will remain the same: each team will have a “mole” someone who tries to do just enough to sabotage the team without being detected. Of course, it’s no surprise when it’s revealed that Alex Rodriguez is the mole and has been ever since his arrival in the Bronx.

In the year 2001… I win the award for goofiest looking mug shot in a column, but I fail to pick up the award because I made the mistake of scheduling my flight with JetBlue.

State of the Sabres Address

2007-02-21T11:46:00.000-08:00

We’ve seen this before. Right, Sabres fans?

At the rate Buffalo’s players are going down with injuries, they’re going to have to lace some skates on Sabretooth and have him play defense (and this reminds me, the NHL has by far the best set of mascots, even if some of them make no sense. For example, the Islanders’ Sparky the Dragon, Carolina’s Stormy the Ice Hog and Toronto’s Carlton the Bear are all not only funny, but also child friendly).

Once again, the rash of injuries has struck some high-profile Sabres. Most noticeably, is the recent injury to one of the league’s most electrifying players: Maxim Afinogenov. Afinogenov’s broken wrist will sideline him for at least six weeks and he might not see the ice again before the playoffs. Losing one of their top playmakers will definitely hurt Buffalo’s chance at a President’s Cup (awarded to the club with the best regular season record), but shouldn’t affect the team’s ultimate goal of winning a Stanley Cup. After all, Afinogenov managed to score the equalizer goal against the Oilers after he broke his wrist.

Other injured Sabres such as Jaroslav Spacek and Jiri Novotny should also be back for what is hopefully a long playoff run. But the major blow is Paul Gaustad’s sliced tendon that will shelf him for the season. There’s no doubt that the Sabres will miss Gaustad’s punishing style of play and his rapport with linemate and co-Captain Chris Drury. If the Sabres are going to make a trade before the Feb. 27 deadline, they would most likely need to acquire a physical forward to replace Gaustad or a veteran defender to supply leadership and stability to Buffalo’s blueliners.

Of course, they don’t have to necessarily make a trade (especially considering their tight salary cap situation). They dealt with key injuries all of last year and still finished near the top of the standings. The plague of injuries that rifled through Buffalo’s defensive corps did eventually catch up with them though and it opened the door for Carolina to bring the Cup to NASCAR land. I have an idea to stop these injuries: for the next season of 24, Tom Golisano could hire Jack Bauer to protect the Sabres from both injuries and a terrorist cell made up of Zdeno Chara look-a-likes (tell me you wouldn’t tune in for that). While he’s at it, Jack could convince Gary Bettman to introduce hockey cheerleaders into the mix.

Even if Jack Bauer can’t keep Buffalo’s roster healthy, there’s still not reason to panic. If Tim Connolly (who’s currently sporting the Brittany Spears shaved head look) can successfully return from the nasty injuries he suffered against Ottawa last postseason, then Buffalo will have added firepower to shoot down the rest of the league’s major contenders. Plus call-ups like Drew Stafford can help to get the job done.

So what if the Predators traded for Peter Forsberg? That’s not the kind of move the Sabres need to make anyway. If Nashville does happen to topple the Sharks, Wings and the Ducks (formerly known as Mighty) and make it out of Western Conference, they will still be having nightmares of their 7-2 home thrashing at the hands of the Sabres back on Dec. 21.

As for the Eastern Conference competition, I still think the Sabres have the upper edge. They have more depth than the Thrashers, more experience than the Penguins and they have a history of playoff mastery against Ottawa. As for the Devils and their trap style of defense, the way I see it is that their seemingly superhuman goalie Martin Brodeur will be worn out by playoff time.

One more Sabres note, is there a play-by-play man who is more worthy of calling a Cup-clinching game than Rick Jeanneret? Jeanneret, alongside the always-reliable Jim Lorentz, adds an element of excitement to the game that few others can. In fact, if I could have one person narrate my life it would definitely be Jeanneret. I would run around getting into fights just to hear his brilliant play-by-play (“Pukos just threw down his books and…wait… now he’s headed after the girl with the scooter, holy mackerel!”)

Still, the question remains: can these Sabres slug the competition and win it all? We won’t know until June, but either way these guys are still, as Jeanneret would say, “good, scary good.”

From the Feb. 21 2007 (Vol. 6 issue 9) of the Cardinal Courier

Behind Enemy Lines

2007-02-07T17:00:00.000-08:00

This column originally was published in Volume 6 - Issue 8 of the February 7, 2007 Cardinal Courier.

This was my attempt to go where no Fisher fan had been before. The plan was to venture into the enemy’s territory and get a new perspective on the Fisher-Naz rivalry. So, on Feb. 2 I attempted to do the unthinkable and go behind enemy lines and sit among the Naz faithful during the men and women’s double-header.

I entered the Nazareth side at around 5:30, getting to the game is always essential especially in order to get a front row seat in the heart of the Golden Flyers cheering section. I sat down in front of a row of Nazareth ladies and removed my coat to reveal my Cardinal red ‘crazies” shirt. The Naz people didn’t seem to notice (or care) about my Fisher alliance at this point, they were more focused on screaming for a member of the women’s team like a group of crazed Teddy Geiger fans.

As more purple clad students filed into the gym, the more awkward I felt sitting amongst the Naz faithful by myself (at this point no one else would join me). This was the point were a particular Naz fan found a seat next to me. After being around this kid for a few minutes I came to the conclusion that he was borderline crazy (not to mention, he said he was kicked out of the last Naz game and later in this game he would end up throwing a bottle down at the scorer’s table).

He said that he was saving his energy for the men’s game as he almost completely ignored the women’s game and just listened to his iPod and drank from an ambiguous red drink (considering he’s a Naz guy it was probably a wine cooler). It also needs to be mentioned that he reeked like a mixture of Aqua Velva and booze.

At halftime of the woman’s game, I decided to go back to the Fisher side. I figured I could find my inner rowdiness with my fellow Crazies as opposed to sitting next to some music major wearing a “friends don’t’ let friends go to Fisher” shirt.
After the Fisher ladies dispatched of Naz, I knew it was once again time to cross over to hostile terrain. This time I brought some backup with me as Sports Editor handball Mike joined me in the crowd of purple and gold.

Entering the Naz section this time was a lot different then earlier. First off, there were a lot more people this time and these people did not appreciate our Cardinal Crazies attire. The insults quickly rained down upon us, the crowd especially didn’t appreciate our “go Fisher” cries.

Of course, their insults were as weak as some of their chants. They taunted us about having a football team that was only D-III and couldn’t quite win a championship. This taunt may have been more affective if Nazareth actually had a football team of their own. Another Naz faithful told me I needed Hooked on Phonics. I didn’t really get why this was supposed to be demeaning. But I guess nothing is more intimidating then: “Hey Fisher student, your basketball team is going to lose and you suck at reading!”

My reason for entering the enemy territory was not to be an instigator (although security gave me a few suspicious glances), but to experience the other side of a great rivalry. With that being said, there was some minimal pushing and shoving. Mostly from one particular Naz fan who sat in the front row. He was dressed in a white polo shirt (surprisingly the collar was not popped) and had a permanent scowl on his face the entire game. Maybe someone just informed him that this was actually a basketball game and not a Zoolander style dance-off between East Ave. rivals (of course, it goes without saying that the Fisher cheerleaders were way better than Naz’s dance team).

When all was said and done, I ended up back where I belonged: in the Fisher student to help cheer on the victors. But this experience helped me think about the nature of rivalries. It's funny how normal people will act to one another simply because they’re rooting for a different team.

I love the rivalry with Naz. I think it’s a healthy competition between the two schools. Hopefully more games like this can help to improve the intensity of the rivalry. It may seem from this column that absolutely despise everything about our sister school, but that’s not true. In fact, I’m heading down the road to make my peace with the Naz ladies as we speak.

Putting the "Super" back into the Bowl

2007-01-24T18:17:00.000-08:00

This article was originally published in the Volume 6 - Issue 7 edition of the Cardinal Courier on January 24, 2007 and also appears on the Cardinal Courier website.

As soon as my beloved Buffalo Bills were officially eliminated from playoff contention, I started to root for the New Orleans Saints to win the NFL’s ultimate prize. The main reason I rooted for the Saints wasn’t because of the potential triumph of a city that was ravished by Hurricane Katrina. Sure, I loved the idea of this recent edition of “America’s Team” winning the Vince Lombardi trophy and causing celebrations worthy of Bourbon Street. Of course, the Saints promptly joined the Bills on the list of teams claiming next year to be “their year.”
But the main reason why I wanted to see the Saints win was simply: because they were fun to watch. This fun factor has been sorely lacking in a majority of past Super Bowls, especially last year’s Steelers-Seahawks contest. That game was as fun to watch as those hideous varicose veins commercials. Matter of fact, this will be the 41st Super Bowl and out of the first 40 only a handful of them have even been remotely close.
This year’s Super Bowl has potential to be a great game. How’s this for a match up: Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts’ high-octane offense (an offense that is this decade’s version of the Bills K-Gun in the early 90s) versus a furious, speedy Chicago Bears defense. I like the sound of that, but still the game still could end up a dud like so many other Super Bowls with great potential have.
What we need for this years Super Bowl is something crazy. Dare I say something that can even compare to the Boise State-Oklahoma Fiesta Bowl? That game was ten times as exciting to root for as any of the Super Bowls. Plus it had your classic underdog/good guys team (Boise State) versus the big time program/villains (Oklahoma). And a wedding proposal to the head cheerleader at the end was a bonus side plot that we would never see in the Super Bowl. We don’t even get to hear the game’s MVP proclaim he’s going to Disney World anymore.
The NFL equivalent would be Peyton Manning throwing the winning touchdown pass then proposing to (you're my boy) Blue, the Colts horse inspired mascot or J.P. Losman winning Super Bowl MVP (in 2008) and proclaiming that he’s buying everyone in Buffalo a round of drinks on Chippewa Street. This is the kind of excitement we need. Hopefully Chicago and Indianapolis can deliver.
Of course, the Colts-Patriots AFC Championship game thriller is certainly going to be hard to top too. That game can proudly join the ranks of the Boise State-Oklahoma Fiesta Bowl.
And while I’m on the subject of Colts and Patriots, is it just me or does the recent vintage of these teams have some striking similarities to the 2000-2004 Yankees and Red Sox. With the Patriots playing the role of the Yankees and the Colts taking the Red Sox bridesmaid position. Both the embattled Colts and Sox lost twice in the playoffs to the superior Champions with their clutch stars (Jeter and Brady) before ripping off an improbable comeback to stun the sporting world. Of course, the Colts could blow the entire analogy by losing the Super Bowl; we’ll just have to see.
But that’s for another column anyway.
I guess this just goes to show that the real reason Super Sunday is one of the biggest party days of the year isn’t the game itself. Instead it’s all the hoopla that surrounds the game including the ambush of “trying too hard to be clever” commercials, a 36-hour pre-game show with Joe Buck talking about everything including how footballs are made and why Bill Belichick wears those goofy cut-off hooded sweatshirts. Speaking of which, I declare that we pass a new man law: one that outlaws any guy from wearing that kind of wardrobe in public (Get on this Miller Lite!). Even Prince is stopping by Miami for the halftime show, which will hopefully be an entertaining show and not just the symbol formerly known as good music.
And guess what, I’m fine with all of this, because even if the game isn’t fun itself you can still have fun on that one special Sunday (and no, not just by getting tanked on cheap beer).
So here’s a hoping it’s a good game. Maybe the NFL will even allow Boise State coach Chris Petersen to call the plays. That would certainly help put the “Super” back into the football’s premier bowl game. And if not, you can always change the channel to The Surreal Life marathon on the CW.

Santa Scott presents the Holiday Wishlist

2006-12-08T19:20:00.000-08:00

A version of this was originally published on December 6 Volume 6 - Issue 6
With the Holiday season almost here, I decided to address my holiday wish list, and to discuss what some sports figures will be getting for Christmas.
I tried to keep the list realistic (or somewhat realistic). So even though I’d like to see things like the Bills and Sabres winning championships and the Red Sox being relocated to Uzbekistan, I kept them off the list. So, everyone have a merry Christmas, a happy Chanukah, a glorious Kwanzaa, and a rocking Festivus, and enjoy.
-The NFL finally decides to drop the ridiculous “blackout” rule that punishes fans for not buying enough tickets. I love going to the games, but it takes up an entire day. Many people are busy and cannot make that commitment, plus it’s unfair for smaller market teams like Buffalo. For the NFL to punish fans like that makes as much sense as Terrell Owens writing a children’s book about sharing.
-Oh, wait T.O. did write an educational book called Little T Learns to Share. As much as I love the irony of one of the most selfish, egocentric individuals on the planet writing a book about sharing, I hope that no one actually tries to use this to teach some poor kid a lesson (unless that lesson is how to get all your teammates to loathe you). However, I do have a good idea for a sequel, Little T Learns How to Shut Up.
- Michigan – not Florida – faces off against the Buckeyes in the BCS championship game (see last column for details).
-For ESPN, I would give them some alternate programming to replace the spelling bee with. For example, they could have the World Racquetball Championships or something zany like Xtreme Curling (with the stone on fire?), or have Risk, Stratego or Battleship tournaments. Who wouldn’t love that?
-It’s seems like the current punishments for athletes breaking the rules isn’t doing the trick. Just look at Ricky Williams. It doesn’t matter how many times he gets suspended, he’ll always act as if he’s auditioning to be an extra in Half Baked. Instead of any suspensions or fines, guilty players should be sentenced to a number of Zinedine Zidane head-butts.
-This should apply to referees too. They constantly decide the outcome of games and have an annoying tendency of favoring certain teams (cough…New England Patriots, cough… Duke basketball). There should be some sort of repercussions for bad officiating, and I can’t think of a more fitting punishment than having the ref square off against Zidane in a WWF style cage match. It would be better than half of the “reality” shows on TV (I’m looking at you FOX). Some refs, like Ed Hochuli, would put up a good fight too.
For the rest of the wish list, I have a quick list of what’s in Santa’s bag:
-For Fisher sports teams, a few more Empire 8 championships and a sleigh full of wins.
-For Bill Belichick, a bra (or a mansiere if that’s more suitable).
-For the Bills front office, a giant bottle of whiteout to remove O.J. Simpson’s name from the Wall of Fame in Ralph Wilson Stadium.
-For Sabres forward Tim Connolly, a bill of clean health and an elixir to keep him and the rest of the team healthy for the playoffs
-For Brian Moorman, Jason Peters, Nate Clements and possibly Rian Lindell, a deserving trip to Hawaii and the Pro Bowl.
- A scoring title for Carmelo Anthony.
- A muzzle for Michael Irvin and a few other ESPN commentators (booya).
- A pacifier for Sidney Crosby and the entire Carolina Hurricanes team.
- The Whizzinator and a time machine for Shane Merriman and Floyd Landis, so they can go back into time and pass their drug tests.
- A National Championship for the Fisher football team and a new nickname (and defense) for the “beast of the east” Rowan Profs.
- And for all the Riding the Pine readers, an awesome winter break.

A Pistachio National Championship?

2006-12-08T18:48:00.000-08:00

A version of this article was orignally published in the Cardinal Courier November 15, Volume 6 - Issue 5

If you look at the College Football schedule it will say that the National Champion will be crowned on Jan. 8 in Glendale, AZ. But, that’s wrong. The National Championship game will be decided on Nov. 18, and the winner of this game better make room in their trophy case because they’ll be adding some hardware.
I’m talking about the Big Ten battle royal between Michigan and Ohio State. This match-up will be bigger and better than the Bowl Championship Game. And I think the winner of this game will be able to survive the seven-week layoff between games and claim the coveted Sears trophy (you know, the cool looking crystal football that’s named after a department store).
Sure, schools like Louisville, Auburn, Florida and a number of others with only one loss have a shot to knock off the winner of the Michigan/Ohio State, but they won’t. And the Championship Game won’t even come close to matching the intensity that these Big Ten foes bring to the table.
For those of you who don’t follow Division I ball, the Michigan/Ohio State rivalry is the equivalent of Fisher vs. Ithaca, with the tradition of a Yankees and Red Sox match-up. Basically, going from Michigan vs. Ohio State to a BCS Game featuring Louisville, is like serving Buttermilk Chicken Ranch sandwiches for lunch and then only having Pistachio ice cream for dessert. No one likes that.
So we know that this will be the best college football game since the Texas/USC title game in January. But who’s going to come out and top – the upstart Wolverines or the favored juggernaut, Ohio State?
Ohio State has been ranked number one all year long and will have the home-field advantage, but Michigan has had a history of dashing the Buckeyes title hopes via an upset. If coach Lloyd Carr and the Wolverines want to pull off the upset then they’ll have to play better than the have in recent years against Ohio State. Buckeyes coach Jim Tressel holds a 4-1 record against his rival from Ann Arbor.
Both teams have plenty of talent and even some Heisman hopefuls. Michigan’s workhorse tailback Mike Hart will look to take some pressure off efficient quarterback Chad Henne and run wild through the Buckeyes defense. A defense that has been dominant despite losing A.J. Hawk, Donte Whitner, Bobby Carpenter and Ashton Youboty to the NFL.
Ohio State is lead by Quarterback and Heisman favorite Troy Smith and the electrifying Ted Ginn Jr. These Buckeyes haven’t run into much trouble this year, but they will have their hands full with Michigan. This will be a bigger test than their early September bout against freshman Colt McCoy and the defending champs Texas.
In the end, I would love to say that the Wolverines are going to win, but I don’t see it happening (especially since their vexing close-call versus Ball State). Ohio State will feed off the energy from their fans and topple the maze and blue, 27-17.
So get excited Buckeye fans, you won’t have to worry about that last game in January because they will have already wrapped up the Sears trophy. And Michigan fans, well, at least you don’t have to eat pistachio ice cream for dessert.

(If you go to St. John Fisher College you will get the pistachio analogy...I hope)

The 2006 Riding the Pine All-Stars: A Tribute to Benchwarmers (and not that crappy movie called benchwarmers)

2006-12-08T18:39:00.000-08:00

A version of this article was originally published on November 1, 2006 in the Cardinal Courier Volume 6 - Issue 4.

Today is a great day for anyone who has ever been stuck on the bench for an entire game, wallowing in the stench of sweat and hopelessly taking shots of Gatorade. That’s because today I’m going to present you with the Riding the Pine all-stars: A Tribute to Benchwarmers.
First we start with the captain of the team: Mike Lodish. The former nose tackle of the Buffalo Bills and Denver Broncos never got a lot of recognition and I’m sure he spent a lot of time hanging out with the Jills on the sidelines during game day. But, he is the only player in NFL history to play in 6 different Super Bowls (4 with Buffalo, 2 with Denver). I’d like to see Tom Brady try to top that feat.
Our next all-star is also a former World Champion. I’m talking about the celebrated former big man for the Los Angeles Lakers during their 2000-2002 championship run: Mark “Mad Dog” Madsen. “Mad Dog” (now with Minnesota) just barely beat out former Will Perdue for this spot. To find out why, look no further than YouTube. Just search Madsen’s name and you can witness him perfecting what I like to call the ‘Mad Dog Shuffle” during the Lakers Victory parade. And this comes with the added bonus of freestyle rap courtesy of Shaq.
My all-star squad still needs an owner too, someone to provide some financial support. That’s not too hard to find though, athletes aren’t the only guys who are benchwarmers. There’s also the people who ride the pine of life, and that’s why Al Gore is my team’s owner. Gore waited on the sidelines for 8 years behind Bill Clinton for a chance to become the starter, but when Gore’s chance came up he got Bushed over by George W. and the electoral college.
Every team needs some box office appeal too, which is why LeBron James is on my team. True, James isn’t your typical benchwarmer, but he showed off his exceptional sitting skills right here in Rochester a few weeks ago. James’ Cavaliers were at the Blue Cross Arena for an exhibition game, James only left the bench to stand up and taunt the crowd by pretending he was coming into the game. That shows dedication to the Riding the Pine all-stars, and a true class act. Proud to have you aboard, LeBron.
As for the coach, that’s an easy pick. Any high school coach who keeps their starters in with a minute left in a blowout welcome to the all-stars (and a probable beating in the locker room).
Rounding out the roster: pinch hitter Manny Mota, comeback extraordinaire Frank Reich, Homer Simpson (from the Springfield Power Plant softball team), and former goalie turned G.M. Garth Snow.

The A-Rod Quagmire

2006-12-08T18:31:00.000-08:00

Originally Published on October 18, 2006 in the Cardinal Courier Volume 6 - Issue 3

George Steinbrenner can’t be happy.
How could this happen to the Yankees again, did someone promote George Costanza to G.M.?
The ALDS loss to the Tigers was a complete team failure. But, the burden of this loss is going to fall squarely on the person Sports Illustrated recently dubbed “The Lonely Yankee”, Alex Rodriguez.
Dating back to last year’s ALDS against the Angels, A-Rod hasn’t been able to live up to his MVP standards. His numbers this year would be a career year for most Major Leaguers (.290 BA, 35 HR, 121 RBI), but he struggled with 24 errors at third base and has been useless the last two playoff series.
As a result of this, A-Rod has become a $252 million scapegoat. He deserves some criticism, but the media has been bashing him like a piñata, and it’s ready to burst. So, the only remedy for both sides is to trade A-Rod, right?
I may be in the minority here, but I say no.
There’s no doubt that New York has to make some changes but trading A-Rod makes as much sense as firing Joe Torre (which unfortunately might happen).
First of all, there is no way the Yankees can get even close to equal value for A-Rod. I would want any combination of productive pitching arms, an adequate third base replacement and talented prospects. It’s unlikely that a team would give up that much for a player who is considered to be damaged goods.
And there won’t be many suitors that can absorb A-Rod’s massive contract. One of the Los Angeles teams might be a good fit but they wont give up any top players for A-Rod. Trading him to an A.L. team would just help to bolster one of their enemies. Either way, the Yankees would probably end up paying for a large portion of his salary while getting little in return.
Who’s to say that A-Rod’s replacement will be any more clutch? Remember 2B Alfonso Soriano, the man that was dealt to acquire A-Rod in the first place? Soriano was a strikeout machine in the 2003 playoffs and he was bounced around the line-up in a similar way that A-Rod has been.
There are many other Yankees who I would get rid of before A-Rod, including nearly all of their recent free-agent busts. This includes the dynamic duo of Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright. I would also part ways with an aging Gary Sheffield before A-Rod.
And if A-Rod can turn it around and play to his potential, the fans in New York will quickly turn those boos back into cheers (just like they did for Jason Giambi in 2005). It will also fix exaggerated claims of bad team chemistry.
This is by no means is an excuse for A-Rod’s prolonged slump. He has frustrated myself along with a legion of Yankees fans. I don’t know how to help him to play like a Yankee legend; maybe he can grow a Don Mattingly mustache or douse himself in Derek Jeter cologne.
Either way, the Yankees made their commitment with A-Rod when they traded for him and they have to stick with that decision. For better, or for worse.

getting slugged

2006-12-08T18:03:00.000-08:00

Orginally Published October 4, 2006 in Cardinal Courier Voulme 6 - issue 2

What is that?
It’s been referred to as a golden slug, and it looks like something that belongs on the head of Donald Trump or Barney Rubble. It’s about as intimidating as a grandmother’s slap shot and by the way, it’s the centerpiece of the Buffalo Sabres’ new look.
Maybe they thought it would be too easy to go back to the original jerseys featuring the blue and gold logo. After all, that’s what most fans wanted. But why waste an opportunity to swipe some more cash from the fans. By inserting the original 1970s logo on the seldom-used “third jersey” they can make more money than if they simply reverted back to the traditional jerseys.
I’m fine with a new logo, I really am, but is this the best design that a group of paid professionals could come up with?
I understand that this is the NHL and not Project Runway, but these jerseys represent more than just the Buffalo Sabres. They represent an entire blue-collar fan base, an entire city desperate for a champion, and these jerseys do not live up to that. These things should have been the first draft, not the final product.
There are 3 essential things that make up a good jersey. There must be at least a somewhat intimidating logo, or something that’s so cool that it doesn’t need intimidation (like the Bills standing buffalo logo). You want to avoid any cuteness in the logo too. If you hear someone say “aaah, what an adorable dolphin on that helmet,” then you know that team cannot be taken seriously.
A jersey also needs a good color scheme. Red, white, and blue is always classic, the blue and gold of Sabres past logo is also a good look.
These new jerseys don’t have a bad color scheme. You’ll especially like the colors if you’re a Pittsburgh Penguins fan, that’s because these jerseys look exactly like the Penguins’!
The third thing that a good jersey needs is that it has to represent your team well. For instance, if you’re the Tigers then there will be a tiger in your logo. And if a team is called the Sabres, it would be nice to have some sort of sword in the logo, or just rename all Buffalo teams to the Buffalo Buffaloes.
It’s not just the Sabres that have messed up a new logo though. Teams in every sport are ditching classic jerseys for over-complicated messes that belong in the XFL. It’s as if the marketing department of all sporting leagues are in on a giant practical joke to see how ridiculous they can make our favorite teams look.
Next thing you know, the Packers new logo will feature an over-sized wheel of cheese with shifty eyes and scowling grimace. Or maybe the Montreal Canadiens will unveil their new ice-skating Mountie logo.
As for the Sabres, they’ll open up the season tonight in Carolina. It’s just too bad that their jerseys will have people asking, “What is that?”

Forecast 2006

2006-12-08T17:55:00.000-08:00

Riding the Pine Note: The following was written in September, Look for new Riding the Pine posts soon

If you plan on heading to Vegas anytime before the end of the year, make sure you read this first. That’s because I’m going to give you my surefire predictions from now until January 1st.
- October will generate a number of fall classics, along with a few surprises. The Detroit Tigers will be the 2006 version of last year’s champion, the Chicago White Sox. They’ll weather a tough stretch at the end of the season but still fight of the Twins and White Sox for the AL Central Crown. They won’t stop there.
Strong pitching, led by rookie Justin Verlander, a solid line-up and savvy manager Jim Leyland will help them to edge out the New York Yankees, and AL MVP Derek Jeter, in a historic seven game ALCS (no bias here, I’m a Yankees fan).
The Mets will cruise threw the National League as expected. But with their chances of winning a subway series dashed the Mets will fall victim to the upstart Tigers. (And Detroit fans can temporarily forget the ineptitude of the Lions, and the postseason collapse of the Red Wings and Pistons.)
- The Buffalo Bills will exceed preseason expectations, finishing with a respectable 8-8 record. However, they’ll lose several close games as the result of bizarre officiating decisions. Meanwhile, The Philadelphia Eagles will be the biggest surprise in the NFL. The Eagles will win the NFC East, but they’re not invincible and won’t advance far in the postseason.
- Barry Bonds and Terrell Owens will team together and form their own cable station where they talk about Bonds and Owens 24/7. They will call it ESPN.
- The Buffalo Sabres will overcome an average start and have one of the top records in the NHL before the all-star break.
- People will tune into NASCAR to see where Ricky Bobby resides in the standings.
- Ohio State and Auburn will battle for college supremacy in the BCS Championship Game. The game will feature Heisman winner Troy Smith, but it won’t be the spectacle that last year’s USC/Texas game was.
- Emmitt Smith will fulfill his life long dream of competing on Dancing With The Stars, but ultimately he will fumble away the title of dancing champion to A.C. Slater. Luckily for Emmitt this will open the door for him to appear in other reality programs such as Laguna Beach and Nanny 911.
- Roger Federer will continue to dominate men’s tennis, and Maria Sharapova will continue to make all her matches a must-see event.
- Scott Pukos will win the title of St. John Fisher racquetball champion; unfortunately, he will later be stripped of the title after it’s discovered that he attended a luncheon held by Floyd Landis and Marion Jones

Originally Published in the Cardinal Courier Volume 6 Issue 1 - September 20, 2006